Shavuos - 031 Preparing To Receive The Torah

The beginning of this derasha is a bit deep BUT towards the end is an incredible
Meditation For Before Shavuos »,
which is from 19:16 minutes until the end;

Receiving The Torah: Receiving The Power of “Raishis” (Beginning)

Most of the days of Sefiras Ha’Omer have now passed, the time to prepare for receiving the Torah. Let us reflect about the day in which the Torah was given to am Yisrael.

The Torah is called the “raishis” (beginning), which means that the Torah is the beginning of all wisdom. This is the simple meaning of the concept of its “raishis”, but on a deeper level, the concept of “raishis” is something which takes place in the present as well. Not only does Hashem constantly renew Creation, but there is a constant acceptance of the Torah, due to the fact that Torah is the raishis (“beginning”) of the world.

Raishis\Beginning In Space, Time and Soul

There is a concept of “World, Time, and Soul”[1] - everything that exists in space and time exists on a personal level in our own souls. Let us consider this concept of raishis\beginning that is contained in the Torah, and how it exists in all three of these dimensions.

In “World” (space), the “raishis” of Torah is the fact that “Hashem looked into the Torah to create the world”; the Torah preceded the world, and in this sense it is the raishis\beginning of the world. In “Time”, the raishis\beginning of Torah was that it always existed. In “Soul”, the raishis\beginning of the soul is revealed through attaining a personal connection with the Torah. Every person, in the depths of his heart, as well as in his conscious intellect, is aware of what comes first, second, third, fourth, etc. In our own soul as well, there is a certain order of the soul’s internal forces. When the Torah was given to us, we received the power of “raishis”, for the Torah is called “raishis”.

The “Raishis” Level of Torah Is Only For The Jewish People

The fact that we received the Torah that is “raishis” (the beginning) thus had ramifications in all of the three dimensions - space, time, and our soul.

As an example, the Torah was given only to the Jewish people; if a gentile studies it, he is liable to capital punishment, because it is considered as if he is violating a married woman. Although there are some parts of Torah which apply to gentiles as well, such as the Seven Noachide Laws which they are obligated to accept (the Gemara says that although they accepted this obligation, nowadays they do not even keep it[2]), and in addition, the Gemara states that Hashem originally offered the Torah to all of the nations in the world[3], even so, the Torah which could apply to gentiles does not contain the power of raishis.

Only the Jewish people have the Torah that contains the power of raishis\beginning. Yisrael were “the first to “rise up in the thoughts of Hashem”, and the nation of Yisrael is called “raishis” (as Chazal state, “Beraishis – b’shvil Yisrael” (for the sake of the Jewish people), who are called “raishis” (the first”). Therefore, only the nation of Yisrael, who are called the “raishis”, can receive the Torah, namely, the level of Torah which contains “raishis”. The other nations of the world, however, are not called the “raishis”; therefore they cannot receive Torah on the level of “raishis”.

Thus, the Torah is revealed to the Jewish people via the power of “raishis” in their souls.

The Torah of “Raishis” Is Attainable Via The Power of “Raishis” In The Soul

Before the Torah was given, Hashem opened all the heavens [and showed them “Ain Od Milvado”, that there is nothing besides Him]. The inner reason for this was so that they would first be shown Him, and then they could be shown the very first offshoot of Him, which is the Torah. Every year, the light of the giving of the Torah, as well as the light of receiving the Torah, renew and return. The giving of the Torah is essentially Hashem giving us the power of “raishis” through the Torah, to the Jewish people, who are called the raishis\beginning.

There is much depth to the concept of receiving the Torah, but one of the fundamental aspects to it is that a person is receiving the power of raishis\beginning from the Torah. In order to receive it, one must give over the “raishis” of his own personal soul, for the Torah, and then he can reveal the Torah which is called “raishis”; and even more so, to reveal the One who gave the Torah: “I am the First, and I am the Last, and besides for Me there is no other god.”[4]

The Avodah Of Sefiras Ha’Omer: Getting Deeper Into Our Soul

We count 49 days of Sefiras Ha’Omer, and then we come to the 50^th day, which we do not count. The 50^th day is not part of the count, because it is above the count. It is referred to as “echad” (one) in the Shir HaYichud. The 50^th day of the Omer [Shavuos], the day of the giving of the Torah, it is the day where “Hashem, Torah, and Yisrael are one” – it is the echad (oneness), or the raishis\ beginning, of all reality.

The avodah of a person throughout the 49 days of Sefiras Ha’Omer, in order to properly enter the day where the Torah was given, is to reach the raishis\beginning of one’s soul.

There are garments upon garments in our soul, and if a person remains at the level of the garments of his soul and he does not penetrate past those garments, he lives life like a child, who lives superficially and who never experiences his own inner reality. When a person gets older, sometimes he becomes even more superficial than when he was a child, and sometimes he becomes a bit more spiritual and inward, each person on his own level. Whatever a person’s situation, one must have a goal to reach the inner layer of his own soul, which is the raishis\beginning in his soul.

Our Sages wrote that the 49 days of Sefiras Ha’Omer are days of clarifying our soul, getting deeper and deeper into the soul’s layers, until we eventually reach the deepest and most hidden point in our soul, which is really the point of “raishis” (beginning) in the soul. It is in that deep place in ourselves where we can stand at Har Sinai and receive the Torah there. But in order to reach it, one needs to keep penetrating further and further into the layers of the soul.

Studying In-Depth The Topic of “Torah Study”

If we reflect a little, we can notice that our Sages have said thousands of sayings about the greatness of learning Torah, of how great it is to study it, of its great reward, etc. The Nefesh HaChaim (in shaar daled) explains much about this. These statements of Chazal are describing the truth about the Torah and of the inner essence of the Torah.

However – and I am placing a great stress here on “however” – that is all with regards to the One Who gave us the Torah, and what He gave to us. Shavuos is the day when the Torah was “given”, and that is what Chazal are describing when praising the qualities of learning Torah. But we, who receive it and who must prepare for it, and comprehend it – not only must we try to understand on an intellectual level what Chazal have said about the greatness of Torah learning – besides for this basic part, each person needs to wonder how much he has truly reached his own “portion” in Torah learning.

This generally divides into three different aspects, as follows.

Inspiration and Clarification

When it came to learning mussar, Reb Yisrael Salanter said that there are three parts involved. The first aspect is to become passionate and inspired when learning mussar. The second aspect is to use intellectual understanding, to clarify and understand the matters being learned; when one acquires the necessary knowledge, his avodah after that is to internalize the knowledge in his heart. The first method, inspiration, works directly with the heart. One can accomplish it by speaking to his heart. The other method is to use the intellect, seeking to define and clarify the information that one learns.

When it comes to the particular aspect of awakening ourselves to appreciate the mitzvah of learning Torah, these two parts also play a role. When one wants to strengthen his exertion in Torah learning and to increase his connection to the Torah, just as learning mussar requires passion, so must a person passionately learn the sections of mussar that describe the greatness of Torah, so that he can be inspired and moved. Just as there is a general mussar session, so can a person have a specific mussar session, where he focuses his mussar learning just on the topic of learning Torah.

The second part is to clarify, with your mind, the greatness of Torah and learning Torah. Anyone who has grown up in an environment where Torah learning was the norm should not suffice with this level. He might have heard since he was a child about how important it is to learn Torah, both in his home and in his school, where he slowly absorbed the message that Torah learning is so important. But to remain at that level is katnus mochin (small-mindedness).

The more a person matures, the more he must deepen his appreciation for learning Torah. Just as hearing the halachos of washing your hands in the morning when you are a child is not the same as hearing these halachos when you get older, when you learn these halachos more in-depth and in much more detail, in the same way, we need to deepen our understanding of the importance of Torah learning, even if we already heard about it a lot when we were growing up. So it is not enough if a person knows many of the statements of Chazal about learning Torah. One must now acquire this knowledge on a level of da’as[5].

We can understand that a gadol (a leader of the generation) has a much more mature and deeper understanding of the greatness of the Torah, and that this awareness does not come on its own. It is an understanding which is gained through the power of da’as. A person cannot have a deep appreciation for the power of Torah learning just from what he has heard about it from his childhood years. The stage of childhood was certainly an impressionable stage, but that level of understanding is not on the level of da’as. A child cannot comprehend what it means to have true exertion in Torah and to understand the exaltedness of the Torah.

If that child has grown up and he is now an adult, and he has never yet deepened his understanding of the greatness of Torah learning, even if he remembers a lot of statements of Chazal about how important and great it is to learn Torah, he has never really clarified and understood what it means. A person needs to first find this information and study it. The many words of Chazal about Torah learning are spread out all over the Talmud, and they are not concentrated in any one place. The Nefesh HaChaim put many of these statements together in one place, but it doesn’t nearly exhaust the topic.

One must know clearly that in order to understand the importance of Torah learning, he needs to acquire this knowledge on a level of da’as, just as a person can only acquire something if he is a bar da’as (capable of mature understanding). It is the most important “sugya” one can ever learn about, because the Torah is the root of every sugya, for every sugya is built upon the qualities, exaltedness, and exertion in Torah.

Without a doubt, there is a vast difference between a person who remains with his child understanding about Torah learning, with a person who has studied this topic in-depth, on a level of da’as, with the attitude that learning about this matter is a part of the Torah like any other part of Torah that we learn about. One can gain a whole new kind of understanding towards the topic of Torah study, undergoing a huge change of perspective, and as a result from this, he gains a much greater level of exertion, and connection to, the Torah.

This is an incredible insight when we reflect into it. One might remain throughout his life with a childish perspective towards Torah learning, and sadly, many people remain with an immature perspective towards it. A person might be a fully grown adult and he is learning the Torah with adult mental abilities, yet his actual appreciation for Torah learning is on the level of a child. For this reason, many people slacken off in their Torah learning. They are actively involved in Torah learning on an adult level, but are being motivated on a childish level.

Therefore, besides for the fact that a person should learn about the importance of Torah study in a way that inspires himself, which is surely important, even more so, a person must clarify and understand the “sugya” of Torah study. If anyone desires to be a true ben Torah, this is what he should do. There must be an ongoing clarification throughout his life of the “sugya” of Torah study.

The intention here is not that a person should learn about this topic for many months and devote all of his time to learning about it. We only mean that a ben Torah needs to also clarify this very important topic at some point in his life, and the earlier the better. From clarifying this very important sugya, one will gain a clearer, stronger picture of Torah study, which will make him feel more obligated to learn Torah, an appreciation of the Torah which is more uplifting. With this, his connection to Torah will strengthen. Understandably, a person also needs to have exertion in Torah along with this. That is clear and simple.

Personal Connection To The Torah

That’s all the first step. The second step, which was mentioned a bit before, is that after a person has inspired himself about the importance of Torah study, and after he has delved into the topic of Torah study and he has clarified the details of this topic, the next part is to make an inner clarification, of how much connection to the Torah do I feel.

It is written, “And you shall know today, and you shall settle the matter upon your heart.” In all of life, we encounter knowledge contained in our brain, but we must then bring this knowledge into our heart. It is said that the distance between the brain and the heart is greater than the distance between the sky and the earth.[6] Our intellectual understanding about the importance of Torah learning, initially, is not on the level of a “heart understanding” of it, where the true connection to Torah lies. It is one thing to know about the importance of exertion in Torah study, on an intellectual level. That is the first step one needs to traverse, but the second step is for a person to clarify on what level he is really found on; to know where his personal portion in Torah is.

Each person has his own place in Torah learning. There is what you learn in Torah, how you learn Torah, which parts of Torah you learn, and this is one kind of personal share in Torah learning. We are not talking here about that kind of “share” in Torah learning. Here we are talking about something else: How much personal connection do you feel to the Torah?

The Torah is called raishis\beginning, and this should not remain as an intellectual definition to us, and it is not only a quality of the Torah; rather, it must become visualized by our own personal soul. One must come to truly feel that the Torah is the raishis of his soul, that it is the first and primary force in his soul. When one feels that this “raishis” is his soul’s primary force, he is connected to the Torah.

The subtle, inner clarification which one should make, deep in his heart, is for a person to wonder: “What am I truly connected to? What am I attached to? Where is my heart found?”

Meditation For Before Shavuos

Imagining A World Where There Is Nothing But Hashem and Torah

We can give one fundamental example in order to actualize this concept, and it is just one example, but it is truthful.

Chazal ask: Why was the Torah given in the desert? One of the reasons given in Chazal is because the desert is an uninhabited place. There is no civilization there; nothing is there. Chazal also state that the Torah is only acquired by “one who kills himself over it, as in the desert.” One who ‘kills himself’ when learning Torah is one who disconnects from his surroundings.

This is not a rule that was only applicable to the time when we received the Torah. We are currently in This World, and we await the World To Come, the days of Mashiach, and the resurrection of the dead. Chazal say that the wise sages only desired the days of Mashiach so that they could learn Torah in peace. If we try to picture what the World To Come is like, what is it? There is a very clear picture of what the World To Come is. There is only HaKadosh Baruch Hu and His Torah there. That is what “eternity” is.

Let’s understand this clearly. If Torah is not the main part of a person’s life, and he has many other desires in his life that are on his mind instead, he will not be able to live a “life of Torah.” He will be able to learn Torah, but he will not be able to live a life of Torah! He won’t become a “ben olam haba” (one who is destined for the World To Come) on This World. In the Next World, there is nothing except for Hashem and His Torah. That is all that goes on there, 24|7!

In This World, even if we learn Torah all day, we eventually go to sleep at night. But in the Next World, there is no sleep. It is for 24 consecutive hours in a day! Every day! (On a deeper note, the 24 hours of the day are only from the perspective of This World, but in the Next World, there are no 24-hour intervals). It keeps continuing. It is a “day of entirely light”, a “day of entirely Shabbos”, where the tzaddikim bask in the rays of the Shechinah.

If one tries to imagine this, he might think of it as a bright, sunny day which warms his body. That is very far from what the Next World is like; it is but a parable. What is life in the Next World? There is nothing there at all, other than Hashem and His Torah!

When considering how we are living our own life, this is not simply a question of what “level” we are on. There are certainly levels upon levels that a person can be on in the World To Come, for it is the “world of reward”, but our question is: Who is the kind of person that can live a life on This World that resembles the World To Come? Only someone who lives it and is found there.

An ignoramus, who does not learn Torah and who is sustained from the Torah others, certainly doesn’t live that kind of life. A Torah scholar, someone immersed in Torah, is one who can live a life that resembles the “Next World” already on This World. If someone cannot identify with such a place in his soul [in which there is nothing in the world other than Hashem and Torah], he is far removed from anything to do with the Next World.

Let us imagine the following simple example in our own lives. If we come to a person today and we tell him, “From Elul until Yom Kippur, for 40 days straight, when you are waiting to receive the second pair of Luchos, you will have absolutely nothing on This World. It will be just you and Hashem, Hashem and His Torah, and that’s it.” Can a person do that for 40 days straight, doing nothing else?

Let’s consider the three days preceding Shavuos (the y’mei hagbalah). Can a person just imagine three days in which there will be nothing in the world other than Hashem and Torah, and himself? (A person needs a chavrusa too, because “Either a chavrusa (friend) or death.”) But can a person be ready to live three days with nothing other than this, just him, Hashem, and the Torah? Would a person feel that these three days are a “resemblance of the World To Come”, or does he instead feel towards it like Hashem removing the sun from its sheath in the future, which will punish the wicked? What does a person imagine towards it?

If someone cannot fathom going for three days with nothing in his world other than Hashem and Torah, and it seems to him too far-fetched and not for our generation, and that we should just feel fine with learning Torah seriously for even 5 minutes – we must counter to this: “But Hashem has created a certain reality. He has created the situation of the Next World, and all people will need to reach it someday!”

This is not an issue of what personal madreigah (spiritual level) one is on. Rather, it is the general level of all of the madreigos which describe the Next World. Within it of course are many levels of madreigos, and there is no end to these levels, depending on how much Torah one has attained. But this is the picture of the life that we need to arrive at!

When we understand it, we can realize that This World is but a passageway to the Next World; it is like preparing on Friday afternoon for Shabbos, so that we will have what to eat on Shabbos. All that we do on This World is but a preparation stage for the Next World. What does it mean to prepare on this world for the next world? It means to reach a deep place in your soul where you are prepared to live such an existence, where there will be true spiritual pleasure, and not the opposite of pleasure, chas v’shalom. That is what it means to prepare for the Next World.

Of course, on This World, we also have the three pillars which the world stands on, which includes tefillah and chessed, and we have all the 613 mitzvos. These all give us holiness, but at the same time, they also obscure us from studying Torah on the perfected level, because we currently do not have the perfect level of Torah, for we live after the sin. But in the Next World, where all is rectified, where the perfected level of the End of Days is already realized, where “Hashem is One and His Name is one” – it is a realm where there is complete revelation of Shechinah – that is what life is like there! That is what our life will be like, because that’s the way it’s supposed to be!

If you want to visualize a perfect picture of what life should look like, what is the driving force in our life that will help us reach this perfect picture? It is to have a goal of reaching such a kind of life, in which there will be nothing in our life other than Hashem and His Torah. That is what a person should want, and that is what he should be enjoying. If one keeps reflecting on this point, he can eventually reach a point where he will want this to continue without pause. If he can envision such a thing, he is touching upon a “resemblance of the World To Come” in the soul. For how long will he be able to remain in such a space in himself? It will depend on how connected he is to this. If he has a connection to this, he can already experience a “resemblance of the World To Come” here, in his own soul.

(A higher level than this to become a “ben olam HaBa” (destined for the World To Come; here we are talking about the first step, which is to experience me’in olam haBa, a resemblance of the World To Come).

It is to imagine a life in which you are totally removed from everything on This World, and you are perfectly content with all that you remain with [nothing but Hashem and His Torah]. This is a truthful visualization to imagine, and one who has da’as (mature understanding) and who desires true life will visualize this many times. Slowly as a person gets used to this visualization, he will see what his current level is, and think of how to get to the next step. It will be a journey in his soul.

This imagination exercise is but one example of how you can personally connect yourself to the Torah (and it is in addition to what we said before about learning about the importance of Torah study). Anyone who desires to be a true ben Torah should try the above imagination exercise.

Advancing And Retreating

On the flip side, a person might counter to all of this, “But I have a wife and children, Baruch Hashem, and I also have physical needs.” That is all true, but a ben Torah needs to think about the following.

The Torah says that in the three days preceding Shavuos, the men were told to separate from their wives. After they received the Torah, they then were told, “Return to your tents.” The meaning of “return” here is to return to your previous state, where you are not as elevated; but there is also a point in our soul in which we need to ascend to higher levels. This is also known as the concept of ratzu v’shav, “advancing and retreating”, in which we move back and forth between spiritual progression and regression. Our soul has a point of “shav”, where we return\retreat to our previous level, after we have become spiritually elevated. But our soul also has a point of “ratzu”, to advance – to reach for higher levels.

We must want to ascend to an existence in which there is nothing but Hashem and His Torah. After we reach higher levels we will certainly fall back onto our previous level, “return to your tents”, but we must also have a point in our soul in which we ascend to higher levels, where we want nothing other than Hashem and His Torah.

Practically Actualizing This Concept In Our Torah Learning

If someone thinks that preparing for Shavuos means to close the doors to the Beis Midrash after the morning session starts so that anyone coming late won’t be able to enter, this is missing the whole point of preparing to receive the Torah. It is not incorrect to act this way, but it is simply an immature perspective, which misses the point. The point is to develop an attitude in our life in which we want to experience a “resemblance of the World To Come”.

Practically speaking, it is advisable for a person to set aside a few hours of the day of his Torah learning, which he will view as a blissful experience of “a resemblance of the World To Come”. If a person gets used to this, putting his heart into it and not simply as a habitual practice (which does not bring a person to the desired purpose, and it is just fleeting inspiration).

The point here is not to simply feel uplifted, or to become more immersed in one’s Torah learning, or to attain more clarity it; those are all wonderful qualities, but they are results of what we should want to achieve. What we should mainly want to achieve here is to feel how Torah learning is “a resemblance of the World To Come” on this world. For a little bit of time, a person can temporarily feel in his soul a resemblance of the World To Come, where he is disconnected completely from everything, and that has nothing in his life other than Hashem and His Torah.

When a person truly desires the World To Come, he seeks ways of how he can experience some of it already on This World. He can try learning Torah for several hours straight, consecutively and without interruption, in which he truly feels that has nothing in his life other than his Torah learning. He can try this twice a day as well. But in order to do this, one needs to expand both his mind and heart, as mentioned earlier.

Every day, one should set aside time of the day in which he does not just learn Torah by rote, and to reflect before he begins to learn Torah: “Where do I want to go with this? What is the purpose?”

There are simpler reflections than this that one can make as well. But we are approaching the days preceding Shavuos, and it is worthy to contemplate this, even if one is not actually on the level of living like this all year round. Since it is the desired purpose of one’s life to reach this, it is worth it to have it at the forefront of our minds, even if a person can’t reach actually reach it yet.

When one gets used to the imagination exercise described here, his entire attitude towards his Torah learning will receive an overhaul. The point is not to enjoy the feeling of disconnecting from the world, which feels uplifting and which is certainly wonderful to experience; rather, the point is to truly connect oneself to the purpose of life, to connect oneself to the World To Come as he is on This World.

In Conclusion

These words are but an opener, but we should hope to merit it, to enable ourselves to reach the inner, intended goal. May we merit, together, to truly live in a world which is entirely a world of Torah, a world which is entirely the world of Hashem.