Fixing Your Water - 003 Pleasure Seeking

Desires Stemming From Water-of-Earth-of-Water: A Desire To Be In Water

With the help of Hashem, we have merited thus far to learn about the solution to desires which stem from earth-of-earth-of-water, which was the desire for money and worldly acquisitions. Now we will discuss desires that stem from water-of-earth-of-water. Desires which stem from our water-of-earth-of-water arewhen a person desires to be in ‘water’ itself [the desire to go swimming].

To get more specific, when a person likes to be in a cold pool, this is water-of-water-of-earth-of-water, and when a person likes to be in a hot pool, this is stemming from fire-of-water-of-earth-of-water.

One of the soul faculties is taanug (pleasure). To be more specific, the element of water in us is the source of pleasure. In addition, the element of water in us also causes us to become ‘dragged’ after a certain pleasure. (In Hebrew, this is called ‘giruy’, or ‘hisgarerus’). Thus, when one pursues a pleasure, in addition to the actual pleasure he is pursuing which plays a role, it is also ‘dragging’ factor that contributes.

In addition to these factors, all evil pleasures are essentially a desire in a person wants to become a taker of the pleasure. When a person is dragged after a certain pleasure, he begins to become more and more of a taker. Thus, besides for the pleasure itself, water also causes a person to be dragged after the pleasure; and besides for this, it also causes a person to become a habitual taker of pleasure.

The element of water, in essence, does not make a person into a taker. The element of earth is what mainly causes a person to want to receive, so water is not making a person receive. But if a person is being dragged after some kind of pleasure due to his element of water, he will find himself getting used to the feeling of receiving more and more pleasure, and this in turn will make him into a habitual taker of pleasure.

The element of water is the root of pleasure. Our element of water is used for holiness when it is used by a person to give pleasure, and it is used for evil when a person seeks to receive pleasure.

Habitual Takers of Pleasure

To give an example of the problem of “taking pleasure”, when it comes Erev Pesach, there are chessed organizations that give out Yom Tov needs to families who aren’t able to afford Yom Tov. Most people, though, take things for Yom Tov from these organizations that aren’t really needed for Yom Tov. They grab anything they can get a hold on; they usually have their basic needs for Yom Tov, and thus they are taking things for Yom Tov that they don’t really need.

What is the source of this behavior? It is because they have become so used to taking things. And when people get so used to always taking things, they won’t even feel gratitude to those who gave to them, because they have become so used to taking.

The person has become dragged after things he doesn’t really need, because he is so used to taking, taking, and taking more and more pleasure. It can get to the point that he is not even aware of how much a taker he has become.

Even more so, he feels entitled and deserving of others’ kindnesses, so he doesn’t even feel gratitude to those who give to him! That shows how unaware he is to how much of a habitual taker he has become.

Four Problems With Getting Used To Taking Pleasure

So altogether, there are four factors involved in desires that stem from water-of-earth-of-water: 1) Seeking pleasure, 2) which leads to becoming dragged after unnecessary pleasures, 3) which leads to becoming a habitual taker, and 4) finally, this can lead to being totally unaware that one is a habitual taker.

Countering The Pull Towards Taking Pleasure

Any person needs pleasure. We have a mitzvah of Oneg Shabbos (to enjoy Shabbos), which shows that we all need pleasure.

But we have two sources of pleasure in our soul – a healthy source of pleasure, and an unhealthy source of pleasure. Healthy pleasure is called ‘oneg’; unhealthy pleasure is called ‘nega’.

In order to gain a healthy sense of pleasure, a person has to be able to develop the ability to detach from pleasure sometimes. This is called the power of “inuy”, to be able to accept suffering.

After a person has oneg as well as the ability to have inuy\suffering, he can begin separating from nega\unhealthy pleasure.

Examples of Accepting Discomfort

To work on this practically – developing the power of inuy\accepting suffering - when it comes Yom Kippur, we have a mitzvah to have inuy, to actually feel pain from our hunger, because we can’t eat on Yom Kippur.

When we fast and we are feeling discomfort, in order for this to affect us and improve us, it is not  enough that we are merely fasting. We need do so happily, and not begrudgingly. As we are fasting and feeling the discomfort, we should tell ourselves, “Hashem’s will is that I should feel some suffering on Yom Kippur by not eating. Therefore, I am doing so happily!”  

Another example how one can work on this is with the concept of exertion in Torah learning. The fact that we must exert ourselves in Torah learning is not just so that we can understand the Torah. It is because all of us need to undergo a certain amount of inuy\suffering, and exertion in Torah learning is a prime example of how we acquire this quality. “Suffering” as you exert yourself in Torah should be done happily and willingly on your part, because you are trying to develop your ability of inuy, an ability that is necessary to have in life.

Another example is that whenever a person has physical suffering, he should accept it lovingly, and not just because Chazal say that “one should accept suffering with love” (which is certainly true in the simple sense), but on a deeper level, because he knows that it is necessary for him to develop his power of inuy.

When you do this, don’t think, “This is so hard for me, but what else should I do? Hashem wants me to suffer, it’s His will, so I have no choice…” This is missing the point and it defeats the whole purpose of what we are trying to accomplish here.

In summary, what you need to do, is to accept upon yourself the discomfort because you are happy and fully willing to do so; realize that it is necessary for you to build this power within yourself, the ability to have inuy\minimal suffering.

Solving The Desire To Be In The Water: Getting Used To Discomfort

Now let’s get back to the original point we started out with in the beginning of this chapter: the desire that people have to be in the water. It is essentially a desire to be immersed in pleasure. According to what we have said, a person can get rid of this desire, as follows.

In order to counter your pull towards pleasure, you need to develop your ability that opposes seeking pleasure, which is the ability of inuy\accepting minimal suffering. So you can try to apply some inuy on yourself even as you’re amidst the pleasure.

As an example, if you don’t like to be in a cold pool, force yourself to go into the cold pool. This will help you learn how to go against your own nature and thereby help you counter the desire for pleasure. And if you are the kind of person who likes a cold pool and you hate going into a hot pool, force yourself to go into a hot pool.

We do not mean to encourage any extreme behavior with this; we do not mean for one to enjoy suffering and thus cause himself to suffer. Rather, the point is to familiarize yourself with getting used to discomfort, on a minimal level, which you can handle.

(You don’t have to jump into it. You can just wade into it slowly and get used to it. The point is to get used to going against your nature, in a practical way, one that doesn’t make you do anything too extreme).

That is the first part of the solution: As you are amidst the oneg through being in the water, you make sure to have some discomfort at the same time, so that you can train yourself to use the ability of inuy.

A Positive ‘Contraction’ of the Soul

There is also an additional point contained in this solution which you need to be aware of as you do this.  When a person is going after pleasure, he is in an expansion mode; he is seeking to expand beyond himself. Since we are trying here to lessen the pull towards pleasure, we need to go in the opposite direction: we will need to learn how to pull back from expanding. One has to be aware of this as he is getting used to the degree of discomfort in his act of pleasure.

So for example, if you don’t like a cold pool, as you’re wading into it and you are getting used to the cold water, [or if you’re the type who likes a cold pool and you’re wading into a hot pool, and you’re getting used to the hot water], besides for the fact of getting used to the idea of minimal discomfort, you should also be consciously aware as you do this that you are pulling back from “expansion” mode and instead entering into “contraction” mode, for you are doing something which doesn’t involve seeking pleasure.