Tefillah - 149 Source of Your Strength

Hashem Is “Our Rock, The Rock of Our Life”

The blessing of Modim continues with the words, "צורינו, צור חיינו" – “[You are] Our Rock, the Rock of our life.”

Hashem is called צור לבבי וחלקי אלוק – “The Rock of my heart and portion is G-d”. He is called the צור לבבן של ישראל, the “Rock” of the heart of the Jewish people. There are three explanations of our Sages about this matter that Hashem is called our Tzur, “our Rock”.

One understanding of this is that Hashem is our Yoitzer, our Creator, from the word yetzirah\to create, thus Hashem is called our tzur, which hints to the fact that He is our yoitzer, our Creator.

Another understanding of this is because all of our souls were carved out from Hashem Himself, which is also a meaning of the word tzur: to fashion.

A third explanation that is brought is because Tzur means “rock”, and just as Hashem is a firm “Rock”, so do we in our souls have the power to be as firm and tough as a rock, for Hashem carved into our souls a resemblance of His power, so to speak.

Firmness and Softness In Our Souls

Here we will focus on the third explanation of this matter: the fact that Hashem is our “Rock”, and since our souls were created from Hashem Himself, we have a power to be as tough as a rock.

Our soul is multi-faceted. One part of our soul is ‘firm’ and unwavering (in Hebrew this is called “toikef” or “chazak”), and another part of our soul is soft and more flexible (in Hebrew this is called “rach”).

We have the power to be firm and not budge from what is valuable to us, to be very strong and unwavering about certain things that are important to us. It is also called “Eisan”, the power to be “mighty”.[1] On the other hand, we also have a power to be soft, pleasant, and flexible.

When it comes to the areas of life which we are firm about, we usually do not give in so easily. It is an ‘unchanging’ aspect of our soul. When it comes to areas of life we are soft about, we find ourselves more flexible in those areas; those are areas where we allow change to have a place.

The areas which we consider our top priority are the areas that we aren’t flexible in. Those areas to us are also called the “first” areas of our soul (in Hebrew, “kochos rishoniyim”). The areas which are not as important to us are areas that we find easier to change our attitude about when we have to, and those areas are “second” place to us, or third place, or fourth place, etc.

When should we use our firmness, and when should we use our softness? Chazal say “One should always be as soft as a reed, yet he should also be [at times] as tough as cedar wood.” There are many explanations of this matter, but the basis of understanding this is the words of the Gemara[2], in which our Sages explained that it depends: when one is learning Torah, he should be as soft as a reed, willing to accept the Torah and to feel nullified to the words of his teachers. But when one goes out to war, he should then be as tough as cedar wood and place his trust in Hashem.

That is the general description of when to be “soft” and when to be “tough”, but it is still hard to define when exactly we need to use our tough\unchanging aspect and when we need to employ our soft\ changing aspect.

We usually find that when it comes to spiritual matters, one should be tough and unwavering, and when it comes to material matters, one should be soft, i.e. being willing to forego material pleasures by being prepared to give up unnecessary physical pleasures. Also, we find that when it comes to interpersonal relationships, one should exercise softness and not firmness; for example, Chazal say that one should greet everyone with a pleasant face.

“First” Areas Of Your Soul Are Hard To Give Up On

However, there is a deeper way to understand what defines our “firm” areas and our “soft” areas. The areas that we put “first” in our lives – the points in our life which we are firm and unwavering about – are the areas which are closer to our very essence. We are firm about those areas because those areas are very close to the essence of our very being.  The areas that are not “first” to us are the points to us which we can be flexible about and be willing to change in because those are not areas that are close to home by us.

Each person has certain areas which are more important to him, as well as areas which are not as important. [Those areas differ with each person, but all of us are like this.]

Anyone who knows himself well is aware of which areas are more important to him and which areas have less importance. If one has a poor sense of self-awareness, then he is not aware of this concept at all; perhaps he will know what he wants or what he thinks, but he does not know his soul well. But one who works on himself internally, in the way of a true Torah scholar who views things through a clear lens (both when it comes to learning Gemara as well as when it comes to knowing how to live life) knows about his first areas, which are more important to him and thus harder for him to be flexible about, as well as which areas he finds himself to be more flexible in.

It is very difficult for a person to be flexible in the areas which are close to his heart and he’s very firm about them, because giving up that part of himself feels like giving up his nature - which equates to a feeling of giving away one’s life.

The more external the priorities are to a person, the easier it is for him to be mevater (let go) of them, if need be it. Those areas are not close to his heart, so it doesn’t feel like he’s “giving himself up” when he has to let go of those things. We can all recognize areas in our life which we find it very difficult to be flexible with, as well as areas which are more flexible in.

In fact, even if a person would try to be mevater on the “first” areas of his soul, he would have a very hard time, and he would also be damaging to himself in the process. The areas which are close to a person’s heart are what he places top priority on, thus, trying to let go of them would be very detrimental to a person, because it would feel to the person that his very essence if being nullified.

Therefore, it is not a ‘praiseworthy’ thing at all for a person to be mevater on his first priorities [contrary to how many people would think], although it certainly appears righteous and praiseworthy. Perhaps he will even get rewarded in the World To Come for it. But he would be damaging his soul on This World and prevent himself from revealing his soul, which is a loss that is not worth the gain.

Thus, when a person does have to be mevater on certain areas of his life, it needs to be done very sensibly.

Of course, if it is something that halacha requires to be mevater on, then he must be mevater without any questioning. But what we are talking about here is on matters that are not obligatory according to Halacha – matters of piety. When we are mevater on something in our Avodas Hashem which is very dear to us, it needs great inner clarity to be able to know if indeed we should be mevater on it.

The Power of Mesirus Nefesh

However, since it is easier for a person to be mevater on matters that are not “first place” by him, the more he gets used to being mevater on those areas, his power to be mevater gets stronger, and then he will find that he can even be mevater on even his first priorities.

How? It is through developing the power of mesirus nefesh - to be sacrificing. When a person has true mesirus nefesh, he uncovers within himself great inner power that allows him to go beyond his normal inner strengths.

Of course, mesirus nefesh does not mean for one to try to act above his level and he’s not emotionally capable of doing so. He might just be fooling himself and acting way above his capacity, and this is not called mesirus nefesh. Many people indeed have that problem.

But if someone is earnest and his intentions are pure, he will be able to uncover the power of mesirus nefesh within himself and thus be able to be mevater even on his deepest needs, if need be it.

However, only a few individuals merit to uncover mesirus nefesh. Most people are not able to dig that deep into themselves and uncover it.

Husband’s Needs Vs. Wife’s Needs: Who Should Give In?

What we do find, however, that is more common amongst most of us, is when our “first” needs clash with another person’s “first” needs. This is where the issue of being mevater really comes into play. This is very relevant when we live with family members, where our needs often clash with our spouse and children.

What should we do? If we are mevater on our priorities, this is detrimental to the soul. So how should we practically go about being mevater?

First of all, it depends on the situation. If the husband has a need that is first priority by him, and it clashes with his wife’s needs – and it is only a matter of second place importance to the wife, and not first place – then it is upon the wife to be mevater. And the same is true the other way around: if the wife has a need that is first place to her, and it clashes with a need of the husband, and it wouldn’t be so hard for him to be mevater on it, then it is upon the husband to be mevater.

However, what do we do if we are dealing with a case in which it is equally straining for either one to be mevater on? For example, if the husband would be mevater for something his wife needs, and that thing would be too much for him mentally and emotionally to be mevater on – yet the same would be true if his wife were to be mevater on it – then what do we do? Who should be mevater? Either way we turn, it is equally detrimental if either of them is “mevater.”

At first glance, it seems that a lack of willingness to “let go” on certain things is nothing more than stubbornness and selfishness. But that is only true to the untrained eye, which has a superficial lens towards the situation. If anyone has an inner perspective on things, he knows that it is very difficult for a person to just “be mevater” on areas that he cannot be flexible in. This is not an evil trait; it is damaging to the soul if a person were to “be mevater” on those areas.

Here is an example: let’s say the husband has a deep need for peace and quiet, while his wife has an equally strong need for action, loudness, and socializing. Which of them should give in to the other and change? If each of them is mevater on these needs, it will be very detrimental to either of them, because they would be being mevater on a very deep and essential need for their souls.

If one of them decides to be “the tzaddik” here who will “be mevater”, it looks like an extremely pious act on his\her part, and it appears to be the trait of ayin tovah, of having a good eye towards the other. But although it appears like piety, it will suffocate a deep need of his soul, and inwardly he will cringe and be very unhappy. It will damage him for the rest of his\her life if he\she is mevater on a “first place” need of the soul!

Of course, not everyone has such a problem with being mevater; they do not realize what they are doing to themselves when they are mevater, because they are not in touch with their inner world. Such a person won’t find it that hard to be mevater when his needs clash with another, because he doesn’t experience any inner turmoil at this.

But one who knows himself well will experience inner turmoil when he has to be mevater on his needs in order to live peacefully with another. If he goes ahead and he is mevater on a “first place” need of his soul, he might start out with good intentions, but later he’ll regret it and he’ll be gritting his teeth at his decision.

Becoming Aware of Your Strongest Areas

Thus, one has to get in touch and become aware of what his “first place” needs are, and which areas are of less importance to him. One needs to become self-aware of this so that he can know if being mevater on his needs will be detrimental to himself or not.

Discover Your Own Strengths

Often a person has high aspirations to grow and improve in his ruchniyus, and they know how to exercise great strength in certain areas that they want to grow in, which they can be very strong about. But very few people become true b’nei aliyah (growing people), as the Gemara says, “I have seen b’nei aliyah, but they are few.” This is because a person often does not know how to use his ability to persevere, and he tends to be strong about areas that he sees in others, but with his own areas of strength, he might not know how to use them.

For example, a person reads a biography of a Gadol, and he attempts to behave in exactly the same way which that Gadol conducted himself with. He is full of aspirations, but he doesn’t know how to direct his real inner strengths, instead trying to copy the strengths that he has read about or seen in others.

Each person has his own unique areas of ruchniyus which he is very strong about. With one person, it could be that he is always enthusiastic when it comes to doing the mitzvos. With another person, his strong point is that he can always maintain a joyous disposition. With another person, his strong point is that he is always loving [towards others as well as towards Hashem.] In another person, the strong point will be that he is always maintains a sense of cautiousness to doing the will of Hashem. The common denominator between all people, however, is that all of us need to become aware of what our strongest point is.

When we become aware of it, we must make sure not to be mevater on that area, because our strongest point is the area that directly affects our essence, and letting go of it (even for a lofty reason) would be tantamount to suffocating our essence.

Allowing Some Room For Flexibility

Now we will say a more subtle point. Although we have just explained that a person should avoid being mevater on his “first place” areas, there is definitely a concept of trying to become more flexible even in those areas. A person can try to be mevater just a little bit on those areas that are dear to him, just so that he can learn the art of flexibility and develop his ability to soften himself sometimes. This should be done very sensibly, of course, and with great caution, because as we explained at length, it is detrimental to be mevater on your strong points.

The Real Source of Strength In You

Until now, we explained these concepts in terms of the human soul. However, there is a deeper understanding towards these concepts: our ‘soft’ areas are our human strengths, which are limited, and our ‘tough’ areas represents our G-d given abilities, which are beamed down from Hashem into our being; this allows for a resource of unlimited power within ourselves that is coming from Above, when we access it.

In the blessing of Modim, we say, צורינו צור חיינו – “Our Rock, and the Rock of our life.” Hashem, Who is the “Rock” of our life, is the deep root of all our inner strength. When we realize that all of our strength comes from Hashem, Whom we are all carved from, we are able to have access within ourselves to strength that comes directly from Hashem, which is the strongest power possible.

This is the depth of the concept, “Hashem and Yisrael are one.” Our souls are intertwined with Hashem, thus, there is a deep place in our soul which can derive unlimited strength straight from Hashem. It is also the deeper implication of the power of “Eisan” (might) in the Jew’s soul which our Sages described: the power to drawn G-dly strength from Hashem, which is the greatest power in our arsenal.

Thus, our inner ‘strength’ is not to be viewed as being human strength of our own. We are really very limited in our strength. But we have access to a strength in is which comes from Hashem, and that strength is what can assist us to defeat the impossible kinds of evil we face. 

The Only Way To Win The Yetzer Hora

Chazal say that each day, the evil inclination gets stronger, and if not for Hashem’s help, it is impossible to overcome it.[3] The meaning of this is that those who fall to their yetzer hora’s passions are those who try to fight their yetzer hora with their human strength alone; they view their inner strengths as being their own. But it does not work, because such power is only human strength, and it cannot defeat the mighty angel that is the yetzer hora.

Such people do not really access their true inner might, and they only know of the softer parts to themselves, which can be easily overcome the yetzer hora. In fact, the yetzer hora can even come and bend such a person to its own will, being that the person is so soft, pleasant, and flexible…exactly what the yetzer hora wants…

In order to ever have any hope in defeating our personal yetzer hora, we need real might, which can only come from Hashem. And that can only come to us when we recognize what it means that Hashem is called the “Rock” of our life.

Hashem’s might is the only way for us to withstand the yetzer hora. Without Hashem’s might to help us, we are like raw material that can be shaped and arranged by whatever our yetzer hora would like to do us; we are like silly putty in its hands. Being that we are human beings, we are soft, flexible, and we are subject to change. But Hashem is the ‘Unchanging’ aspect in us – “I am Hashem, and I do not change.”

We must understand that we really have no strength on our own! Although “A stubborn person is successful”, as the Vilna Gaon famously wrote, the meaning of this does not mean that one can draw forth unstoppable stubbornness and perseverance from his own human resources. There is no such thing. But we do have access within ourselves to an unlimited source of power: when we truly recognize that Hashem is “Our Rock, the Rock of our life”. When we have that recognition, Hashem will supply us with endless power that comes from Him, beamed down into us, and then we’ll be able to withstand our yetzer hora.

It is only Hashem who gives us any real strength. Hashem is called the “Heart of Yisrael”; “The Rock of my heart and portion is G-d”. We are not able to be strong on our own! We are soft like reeds. All strength and might is only possible in us through Hashem!

The trait of gaavah (conceit) tells us that we have power of our own, that as long as one is stubborn, he’ll get what he wants to achieve. There is no such thing – we are only able to strong and stubborn for holiness because our souls have been carved from Hashem, and thus we have access to strength that comes from Hashem.

Realizing That Hashem Is With You and In You

Our Sages wrote that a person can attain an absolute connection with Hashem through the power of “Eisan” (might) in the soul. Thus, when we face difficulties to our spirituality, we do not have to feel bewildered at the tests. We only need to reveal the “Eisan” in our soul, the power to recognize that Hashem is “our Rock, and the Rock of our life.” It is essentially when we recognize that Hashem is the actual source of life. It is for a person to realize: “Hashem is with me! He is in my heart.”

This does not mean to view yourself as being unstoppable. It means to recognize the concept of how Hashem is “Our Rock and the Rock of our life” – He is our very life-giving energy.

Our yetzer hora gets stronger every day, as Chazal say; one must be able to feel how true this is. When we realize that we face an unlimited kind of evil, we will be led to understanding that the only way to defeat it is through realizing that Hashem is our “Rock” that has the unlimited might to take away the yetzer hora.

There were always nisyonos (tests) throughout the generations. But in our generation especially, we face even more nisyonos from our yetzer hora. It seems, from a superficial perspective, that it’s “impossible” to win against the yetzer hora these days. But we must know: Hashem is צורינו צור חיינו, “Our Rock, and the Rock of our life.”

The Sages said that when we were redeemed us from Egypt, “He did not do so through any of His angels or His seraphim or through a messenger; He did it Himself, in all His glory”. It is Hashem Himself who redeems us from any harm – there is no other force or resource that can save us.

When one feels the meaning of how Hashem is צורינו צור חיינו, there is no wind that will be powerful enough to stop him; when one realizes that Hashem is with Him and fighting His wars for Him [when he really believes that this is true, that is], he can withstand the mightiest forces, which he cannot win with human perseverance alone.

When one feels that the source of his life is HaKadosh Baruch Hu, he is then connected with HaKadosh Baruch Hu, to the unlimited kind of strength that can fight any war, to “our Rock, and the Rock of our life”; and this realizes the meaning of the possuk, ”Hashem will fight for you.” Hashem is really near us and with us [and we only need to realize it and believe in it, and then we will have His assistance].

In Conclusion

מודים אנחנו לך שאתה הוא ה' אלוקינו, לעולם ועד– Hashem is eternal and constant, the constant Source of strength we can connect ourselves to. When one feels that Hashem is with him, he can overcome anything!

The more a person feels this, the more he feels that all strength can only come from Hashem, and that he has no strength of his own. The only strength we have is the strength that comes from Hashem and enabled by Hashem – צורינו צור חיינו, “Our Rock, and the Rock of our life.”