Fixing Your Fire [Conceit] - 012 Individuality

Fire-of-Wind-of-Fire: Unusual Movement of the Soul (Veering From The Norm)

With the help of Hashem, we are up to discussing fire-of-wind-of-fire, the source of unusual movements [of the soul]. It is essentially a desire to diverge from the normal rules. There are both evil and positive aspects of this nature.

First we will learn about the evil uses of this nature. When this nature in the soul is used for evil, a person veers from the normal and desired system that he is found in, and he behaves in an extreme manner.

Possible Causes of Veering From The Norm

Sometimes this is because the person as a child was already acting differently than others, and when he gets older, his extreme nature becomes more fully revealed (unless he attains a balance in his soul). But other times, it is because the person’s soul makeup contains more fire-of-wind-of-fire than the usual, and therefore he does not conform to the normal rules and bounds of life. Even if he does conform, he only does this on an external level, but deep down, he is drawn towards acting a bit different from others.

In many cases, this is usually stemming from the negative trait of gaavah (conceit). The trait of gaavah can cause a person to want to act differently than others, so that he can stand out as a unique individual. This will cause him to perform actions that are extreme, in order to gain attention and awe from others. In all of his acts, he is trying to stick out somehow.

Examples

To give a simple example of this from the physical world, you can have a person who buys interesting looking furniture, just so that his furniture should look different from others’. A person might also dress very differently from the normal style than how others dress. The point is that he does not ‘go with the flow’. He always wants to stand out somehow and be noticed; he wants others to see his individuality.

When a person has a lot of fire-of-wind-of-fire in his soul, he will perform certain extreme and over-the-top actions, in order to be noticed and to appear unique. In more extreme cases of this nature, there are some people who will do anything to get attention, just so that people should know who they are, because they have a deep wish to be known and remembered. For example, there are people who will donate many books with mention of their name on the front page of the book, so that the whole world can see their name and remember who they are.

Another example: A person might speak in public and then throw in some of his own formed beliefs about certain topics, because he wants to be noticed for his individual opinions. His opinions may be totally off-base, yet he wishes to let others know what his personal opinions are, because he very much wants to be noticed as an individual.

Although a person might not be consciously aware why he likes to offer his opinions so much, it can still be coming from a dominant amount of fire-of-wind-of-fire in his soul, which is causing him to think ‘out of the box’ too much, and it’s all because he doesn’t conform to the normal way of thinking. In certain cases, he might fight the system around him and show others why his beliefs are correct, and explain why the normal system of thinking is incorrect.

In whatever the scenario, he always thinks very differently than how others think; he does not want to accept a normal way of thinking. His erroneous beliefs can show up in his conversations with others, and it can also show up in his entire demeanor. There are some people who have a lot of gaavah and therefore they always have to do differently than others, just for the sake of simply being different than others. This affects them in the areas of action, speech, and thought; they are always trying to be different.

As an example, you can have a person learning in the Kolel who always has to invent razor-sharp chiddushim (novel Torah thoughts) in the Gemara which no one has ever heard of. If he finds that there is another sefer who has already stated his chiddush, he actually becomes melancholy for a few days from this. He suffers from the fact that he hasn’t come up with anything that is truly different and unique; he wants to the sole inventor of his creative ideas.

The truth is that he should really be happy that his chiddushim were already stated by others, because that proves the validity of his chiddushim; and if he is the only person in the world who has stated his chiddushim, he is probably mistaken. Yet, he doesn’t think that way.

We can give many more examples of how this problem shows up in the various areas of the soul. The point is that it is a problem in which a person thinks that he must act differently than others, or that he must speak differently than others, or that he must think differently than others – or all of the above – in order that others should notice his uniqueness.

Differentiating Between Conceit and Non-Conformist Nature

Fire-of-wind-of-fire in the soul is not necessarily the same thing as the trait of gaavah\conceit. It can simply be a nature in one’s personality in which he likes to do things differently.

If a person is acting differently from others solely for the sake of being different from others, then it is definitely a serious case of gaavah. But others do things differently simply because their personality is rooted in this particular aspect of the soul, and therefore, they are naturally drawn towards doing things differently from others, because their thought patterns do not usually follow the norm. This is what we are dealing with in this chapter.

When gaavah is the motivation, the person will manipulate his own thoughts and force himself to think differently and to do things differently, in order to appear different and unique from others. But when it is coming from a dominance of fire-of-wind-of-fire in the soul, a person will naturally think\do differently than others, because it’s part of his very personality to be this way: he feels that his individuality must be noticed by others.

Reaching Your Own Individuality

The further a person is from his true and inner self, he follows the crowd, because he is not in touch with his own individuality. His actions will closely mimic the actions of others. By contrast, the closer a person is to himself, his actions, words, thoughts will be more unique (and on a more subtle note, his true self and existence will have been discovered). It is then that the contrast of his behavior against others can be more noticed.

The Sages say, “Just as all faces are not equal, so are all d’eos (ways of thinking) not equal.” Each person contains a point of individuality which is unique only to him and to no one else in the world. We can find in each person some kind of unique point.

The further a person is from his actual self, the more he seeks to imitate and copy others. We know that although each person has hands, feet, a nose, mouth, and ears, the face of each person looks different. The reason why Hashem made us this way is to show us that each of us has a unique individual aspect that no one else has.

The further a person is from his true self, the more he ‘resembles’ others, for he has not yet reached any individuality of his own. The closer a person to his true self, his true existence is more exposed, and you can then see the contrast of his personality in comparison to others. Therefore, the more a person is really in touch with his true self, he uncovers more uniqueness in his actions, speech, and thoughts. He will do things differently from others, his words are different from how others speak, and his thinking patterns are different from others.

As mentioned earlier, some people think differently from others because they have a lot of gaavah, which is evil; and others think differently from others because their souls are rooted more in the aspect of fire-of-wind-of-fire, and therefore it is their very personality to do things differently than others. But the true and holy reason why we should do things differently than others is because since Hashem made each of us different from each other, we each have our own individuality.

The more a person has revealed his true self and he is acting more from his true self, his uniqueness will become more apparent in how he acts, speaks, and thinks.

Individual Conclusions When It Comes To Learning The Gemara

Here is an example, when it comes to learning a sugya of Gemara. Before a person discovers chiddushim in what he is learning about, he needs to summarize what he has learned, beginning from the Gemara and the opinions of the Rishonim. One kind of person will summarize the Gemara in a way that copies everyone else’s conclusions, and another kind of person will summarize it according to his own unique intellectual abilities.

In fact, although the words of the Gemara and the Rishonim are the same to each person, each person sees different things there and understands the words differently. This is a well-known fact. The reason is simple: each person has a different soul makeup and therefore each person has his own unique understanding of things.

Fire-of-Wind-of-Fire: The Power To Reveal Individuality

The more a person has uncovered his true self, the more he uses the nature of fire-of-wind-of-fire [for holiness]. When a person is acting from his true self, his individuality begins to shine through in how he acts, speaks, and thinks.

Revealing fire-of-wind-of-fire in the soul is a major overhaul to one’s inner world. It reveals to a person what the unique individuality of his own soul is.

Not everyone is in touch with their individuality; there are people who are totally out of touch of their individuality. If they are asked about what their individuality is, they will think that this means their own children, their age, and the various possessions that they own. Although all of these are uniquely this person’s, it is a very superficial aspect of the person’s individuality. It does not say anything about the person himself.

Others are a bit more in touch with themselves, and they identify their uniqueness based on the job they work at or something they are talented at. These are certainly points that show how the person is unique somehow, but it still does not make them appear that different from others.

Many people do not know how they are somehow unique from others. The age of a person, the amount of children he has, the amount of sefarim he owns, and the size of his house are not that unique about the person; these are all external and superficial factors, yet many people view these factors as part of their uniqueness.

Sadly, most people end their life having based their individuality on superficial comparisons to other people (One kind of person was perhaps more conceited than others, another kind of person had the biggest temper, and another person was more gluttonous than others – yet even these negative character traits are found by many others!). When this is the perspective, a person has lived his entire life very far from his true self.

All people – without exception – need to be aware that they each have an individual and unique soul. There is the general and collective soul of the Jewish people, but each Jew contains a private soul which in unique only to him. A person’s uniqueness needs to become more apparent in all that he does. The more a person has grown spiritually and he has gained more inner maturity, his individuality is more apparent in everything he does, whether it is his actions, his words, or his thoughts; his uniqueness is revealed.

We are not referring to a desire to stick out and be noticed by others, which stems from gaavah\conceit. Rather, it the concept of holy individuality, where the person’s true self is revealed in his life, which will mean that his uniqueness is more apparent in how he acts.

Identifying Your Strongest Point

In order for a person to uncover his individuality, first, a person needs to identify his greatest quality. Reb Yeruchem Levovitz said that it is worse if a person doesn’t know his qualities than if he is ignorant of his weaknesses.[1]

The very first step of self-awareness is for a person to be aware of his strongest point. The next step is to discover one’s greatest weakness. In between those two points, you also need to fill up the “map” that’s in between, but this is the starting point.

Basic Self-Awareness: The Things You Like

If one cannot find his strongest point, he should at least try to discover which things he likes and enjoys most; like what he finds himself mostly pulled after. Although this is a very minimal degree of self-awareness (which stems from the lowest aspect of the soul, the nefesh habehaimis), it is still a beginning step towards self-awareness which is very important. When people aren’t aware of this basic knowledge about themselves, they live in total denial of their soul’s abilities.

A person should ask himself what he mainly enjoys. Examples might include an affinity for music or art. If one grew up in a strictly Torah environment where nothing except Torah was allowed into his life, he might be in denial of what he is pulled after, but he is not being honest with himself. He is denying his soul. Surely there must be limitations placed on how much one pursues a hobby outside of Torah learning, but to deny the feelings that one enjoys is detrimental to the soul and it causes much internal damage.

These are natural desires which stem from the nefesh habehaimis, and it is a very basic part of self-awareness, although it doesn’t tell us everything about the person. The more important part of becoming self-aware, though, which we are mainly discussing in this chapter, is for one to discover his strongest point\greatest quality.

Being Honest With Yourself

When it comes to knowing your greatest quality, you need to know if it’s a general aspect about the soul which all people have, or if it is an aspect that is unique only to you. (On a deeper note, you can always discover something unique in yourself about even the most general qualities in the soul.) First discover the strongest general quality about yourself, and then find a unique point in it which pertains only to you.

We should point out that that many people make a mistake when they try to discover their greatest quality, and they will conclude that their greatest quality is something that they want and deeply aspire for, convincing themselves that this is truly their greatest quality, because they know that they are supposed to want it. But you need to know what your actual greatest quality is right now, not what you would like to acquire. A person might push his own individuality into the closet and convince himself that his individuality is contained in a different point that he would like to identify himself with.

I must repeat and emphasize this point, because it is a very common mistake when not understood.

Beginning To Know Yourself

In order for a person to reach his unique best quality, first a person has to discover his general strongest quality. Understandably, it is easier for a person to discover his general quality than to discover his unique quality, as long as a person has a bit of self-awareness; because most people are aware that they are good at certain things, to some extent. But when it comes to discovering one’s unique quality, this part is more difficult.

If a person can’t discover anything nice about himself at all, this is a sign of poor self-awareness, and such a person will surely not be able to discover his greatest quality. When a person is at least a bit self-aware, he knows that he has some qualities and some weaknesses, on a general level and without breaking it apart into subtle details.

It takes easily at least 20 hours of reflection to know even this, which is a very general kind of knowledge. When a person has this general self-awareness about his soul’s qualities and weaknesses, he can then begin to think what his general best quality is. Anyone who has minimal self-awareness can discover it.

After that, the next step is to try to figure out one’s unique strong point, and this part is difficult. In order to discover one’s unique strong quality, there are two ways to identify it: there is a way to identify it from the ‘outside’, and there is a way to identify it from the ‘inside’, as follows.

Observing Your Unique Strong Point From The ‘Outside’

Identifying it from the ‘outside’ is perhaps a bit easier to do. A person can see it by thinking into his general best quality and how he utilizes it in particular. From studying how it works in particular, a person learns about his own unique inner workings that are empowering his general qualities.

To illustrate how this works, sometimes a person can learn about himself from studying others. Although this will not give him the complete picture of himself, it can give him some indicators that lead him to more discoveries about himself.

So you can take a general strong point of yours and study how it is particularly manifest in your life, and this can teach you about some unique strength that you have in yourself. Since this is a view from ‘outside’ of the unique quality you possess, it is but the external part of the job; now let’s discuss what the inner part of this is, which is the main part of the avodah here.

(In general, in every avodah that we learn about, there is always an external aspect and an inner aspect that we need to do. The external part of the avodah is always needed, but the main part is always the inner aspect of the avodah. Although the inner aspect of the avodah is more important, there are some people who cannot use only the inner aspect, and they need to make use of a more external aspect. Therefore, we always have to mention the external aspect of avodah. The amount of energy that each person needs to put into the external part of the avodah and the inner part of the avodah depends on each person).

Observing Your Unique Strong Point From The ‘Inside’

In order to recognize your uniqueness, you need to get a glimpse of a more inner place of yourself than knowing your qualities. Reaching the inner and subtle part of yourself requires the following factors: a general disconnection from materialism[2], and uprooting your personal worst middah.[3] This leads a person to attaining a certain degree of inner silence in the soul.

The first part, disconnecting from the world, does not mean that you should become a totally disconnected person from this world. It just means that you should be able to disconnect from being immersed in what goes on in the surroundings and all of its ‘noise’. If you can disconnect from this very noisy world by having times of disconnection from the world every day, you gain a general balance in your soul.

However, it will still be difficult for you to feel a deep tranquility in your soul at this point, if you haven’t yet uprooted your personal worst middah. Each person has a particular bad middah which doesn’t let him concentrate on his inner world as long as he hasn’t yet uprooted it. Therefore, the next step is to attempt to calm that bad middah that is getting in your way, by attaining balance in the soul, through knowing how to use the soul’s other abilities that can balance out the nature of the weakness.[4]

For most people, this leads to a state of inner calmness. However, in some people, their souls are full of so much inner turmoil that they won’t be able to work on this point. Therefore, I will emphasize here that the words here can apply to most people, but not to all people.

Most people, upon disconnecting from this material world, and after having worked to uproot their personal worst middah (they have calmed it through attaining a balance in the soul), are able to reach a very stable place in the soul, which provides a person with a certain degree of inner calmness. Touching upon that quiet place in oneself opens up an entirely new world in oneself.

Menuchas HaNefesh – Serenity of the Soul

Most people have “inner noise” in themselves (and with some people the noise is out in the open), more or less, and therefore they lack self-awareness of the inner place in the soul. The more a person has disconnected from the pull towards materialism and he has also calmed his worst middah, he is calmer inside himself, and he merits a degree of menuchas hanefesh (serenity of the soul) within.

There are people who get all their menuchas hanefesh from utilizing all their time to learn Torah, (as it is written, “And he saw that menuchah was good”), and although this is of course praiseworthy, what would happen if this person were to be taken out of the beis hamidrash and he has no Gemara in front of him? Would he be at peace? He had menuchas hanefesh when he was learning Torah in the beis midrash, but not right now. Although it was commendable that he had menuchas hanefesh as he learned Torah, that experience of menuchas hanefesh does not always bring a person to the deepest place in the soul.

The epitome of shleimus (self-perfection) is for a person to attain balance in his soul and to reach a state of inner calmness (sheket)[5] from this. One who reaches this (which is only the first step) has the basic source of menuchas hanefesh which serves as the “solid ground” for all of his Avodas Hashem onward.

To review, this ‘solid ground’ means that one must disconnect from being tied to the materialistic world and to calm one’s personal worst middah (through balancing the soul). This leads a person to a general degree of menuchas hanefesh.

Adinus (Inner Refinement) and Dakus (Subtlety)

The next step, after reaching this point of menuchas hanefesh, is to traverse yet another layer in the soul, which will require inner refinement of the soul (adinus) and subtlety (dakus).[6]

The less sensitive a person is to the concept of becoming more spiritually refined, it will be very difficult to enter deeper within himself. One needs to be able to hold himself back from indulging in physical pleasures in order to be able to do this. One needs to try this first with food, by avoiding heavy and thick foods, and by slowly detaching from all other forms of indulgence in materialism.

With the more a person attains inner refinement from this, he enters deeper into his soul from the serenity that comes along with this, and then he can feel and listen better to the subtleties of his soul. This is the inner world of the soul which is hidden from almost all people.

The first step is to reach menuchas hanefesh, which is the basis of entering deeper. The step after that is to reach adinus (inner refinement) and dakus (subtlety). Just as there are things in the physical world which are refined and unrefined, so does the soul contain layers which are more refined than other layers. In order to enter the deeper parts of the soul, one needs to acquire inner refinement. Understandably, most people only know of the more gruff layers of the soul and they remain at that level.

The few people who reach inner silence and who reach menuchas hanefesh from there are slowly able to feel the subtle and refined areas of the soul. Those subtle discoveries about the soul open up an entirely new world to a person. It shows a person great qualities in the soul, and it also shows a person the deepest subtleties of our human weaknesses.

If someone isn’t prepared to work on himself, he should not try to enter that place in the soul. But when someone seeks truth, he is very motivated to discover those subtleties. He will discover things about himself that he never would have fathomed; it feels there like a convert entering Judaism.

Our Gedolim (and all great people who taught us about Avodas Hashem)were constantly in touch with this inner place of the soul, which greatly magnifies the depth of our human weaknesses. It is a place in the soul which most people would not like to know about. The more a person enters the subtler areas of his soul (after reaching inner silence and menuchas hanefesh), he becomes more aware of deep truths of his own soul, and he gains a brutally honest view of himself. He becomes aware of what’s going on in his soul, down to the subtlest areas.

A person can reach it through deep reflection on himself, but it is experienced as more of a natural and simple sense, because the person has become more subtle and refined. Just as you can tell if the food you are eating is hot or cold, sweet or sour, so can a person reach a kind of deep self-awareness where he senses what’s going on in his soul. Most people do not enter this deep part of themselves, unless they notice something glaring about themselves; and as a result, most people remain unaware of the subtleties contained in their souls.

Holy Individuality

When one is acting from that deep place in himself, his individuality manifests in all that he does, because he is truly in touch with himself. The deeper a person enters into himself, the more unique he will become, until he eventually reaches the deepest part of the soul, which is where his true uniqueness is found.

This causes his fire-of-wind-of-fire to become second nature to him. Instead of acting out of gaavah, out of a desire to stick out and be noticed, he will be acting from a deep place in the soul, which simply reflects his true individuality and uniqueness.

Others who see him might not understand him, and they might suspect him of acting out of gaavah. They might wonder, “Why does this person always have to act differently than others? Why does this person always think differently than others?” But it is because they are misinterpreting what they are seeing. They are mistaking the person of acting out of gaavah, while in actuality the person is using the fire-of-wind-of-fire for holiness, which uncovers a person’s true individuality.

This is the meaning of the words of the Mesillas Yesharim, “A person must know his obligation on his world.” Each person has “his” personal obligation on this world, unique only to him. Most people are not in touch with their own inner world, and they are instead living in the world outside of them.

When a person lives superficially and he is out of touch with his own inner world, he might learn Torah, do all the mitzvos and make sure not to commit any sins, but he never reaches his personal obligation on this world. He is generally living life correctly, but he is not fulfilling his personal avodah on this world. The more a person penetrates into his own inner world, he is closer to “his” obligation on this world. His uniqueness will be more manifest in his life, and it will be easy to tell him apart from others, because his uniqueness is shining through.

This all describes the point of fire-of-wind-of-fire in the soul, the source of uncovering one’s individuality, which is the depth of the soul, depicted in the words of our Sages, “Therefore, man was created individual.” As our Sages explain, it was not only Adam at the beginning of Creation who was created individual; each soul contains an ‘individual’ aspect. One who reveals the point of individuality within his soul – releasing it from its potential state into its active state – is one who truly reaches “his” obligation on this world.

As we explained, the evil side to fire-of-wind-of-fire is when one veers from the norm simply because he wants to stand out from others and to appear different from others. But when this power is reached correctly in the way we have described, it becomes holiness, and the person will be activating his true, inner potential.

In Conclusion

Hashem created 600,000 souls in the Jewish person, and each soul has his own unique “world”, his own unique task, and his own unique way, of serving Him. When all of the 600,000 individual parts become connected together, this results in the formation of the complete “klil tiferes” (beautiful blend) which all of the souls of the Jewish people will form. When each person’s true ‘individual’ aspect is revealed, all of the individual parts will come together, and this will form the completion of the Kneses Yisrael, the collective whole of the Jewish people.