Fixing Your Fire [Conceit] - 016 Self-Transcendence

Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire: Ascending Higher Based On Total Destruction

With siyata d’shmaya, we are at the conclusion of discussing the trait of gaavah (conceit), where we will discuss the “fire” of fire-of-fire.

Almost no one accesses the point in the soul of fire-of-fire-of-fire. In some people, this nature of the soul is more revealed, but most people have no connection to it. There is certainly nobody sitting here in this room who has anything to do with fire-of-fire-of-fire. But we will discuss it anyway, so that we can at least have the merit to study it, and also because it is necessary to learn about it due to the other branching topics that are related to it, which are of relevance to us.

Fire-of-fire-of-fire refers to the nature to ascend, where a person ascends higher based on a total destruction of the previous level. When using fire-of-fire-of-fire, a person “destroys” everything he encounters – and when we say everything, we mean everything - and that is how he grows higher. The very ascension of the person is fueled by the destruction that precedes it.

Earlier we explained that one needs to be first become built properly (earth) and he must also have pleasure (water) in the previous level, before he ascends higher. Without being balanced by the elements of earth and water, a person has no menuchah (serenity). He is constantly found in the movement of ascension, and he is constantly destroying.

The Evil Use of Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire: Nullifying The Worth of Everything

When fire-of-fire-of-fire is used for evil, it resembles the expression of Haman, “All of it is not worth anything to me.” Everything he encounters is invalidated; it is all deemed worthless, because the person’s fire is constantly and very quickly destroying everything he meets. He has no inner peace, but even worse than this is that his dominant fire is always destroying and nullifying the worth of everything that he comes across.

If this power would be balanced with the element of earth, the person would not destroy anything until he has built himself properly beforehand, and he would climb his way upwards, step after step. But when fire-of-fire-of-fire is left unbalanced, it causes a person to deem everything he encounters as worthless, so he never gives himself the chance to build upon anything.

If someone’s soul is more rooted in fire-of-fire-of-fire, or if he was not born like this and he has developed this nature due to his various difficult circumstances in his life, his negative nature will eventually lead him into a state of total yeiush, despair. As soon as he encounters anything that might provide him with enjoyment or with stability, he immediately nullifies its importance [and this leaves him with nothing but despair of ever getting anywhere].

Self-Destruction and Despair

When this problem is combined with the issue of lacking true yiras shomayim (fear of Heaven), the person allows himself to fall spiritually, and of this Chazal refer to in the term, “One who willingly destroys himself” (me’abed atzmo l’daas). These people commit a spiritual form of suicide, ruining their lives at the prime of their life. Then they end up in a state of total despair, giving up on everything.

Sometimes people go through short periods of depression like this and they lose control of their lives because their souls are generally unstable. This is all the more so when coupled with a lack of sufficient yiras shomayim. If a person would have even a little bit of yiras shomayim, he would never fall into these low states; at least not that easily.

When a person falls into extreme periods of depression and despair, it is “one who willingly destroys himself”. Even if it doesn’t get as extreme as total depression (and rachmana litzlan, this is unfortunately common throughout the world, and sometimes it is also happens to those who are within the frum and sheltered Torah world), a more common manifestation of this problem is when a person enters into a state of deep despair, and he feels very down. This is called dikaon (feeling crushed).

In more extreme cases of dikaon, a person lies in bed all day, and he can stay in his bed for weeks and months, feeling no reason to leave his bed or home. It is usually linked with other issues he may be going through, such as social fears, fears of his community, or endless other kinds of fantasies and delusions that may be bothering him.

When someone has a lot of fire-of-fire-of-fire in his soul, it is hard to get him to be hopeful about the future. Because he has so much fire in his soul, he quickly destroys any options of hope, so it is very difficult to try to infuse him with hope.

These are the two extreme outcomes of one who has fallen into this state of despair: he willingly destroys himself, rachmana litzlan, and even if he doesn’t get to the point of destroying himself, he will still enter a very deep state of despair.

Despair In Finding A Spouse

There are levels of how much one can despair. As an example, when it comes to shidduchim, (finding a spouse), if a person is in his thirties or forties and he hasn’t found his shidduch yet (for whatever reason that Hashem has decreed this; we won’t get into here if this situation is due to bechirah or not), he might become so full of despair that he feels like his whole life is “worthless”. There are even people who throw off the yoke of Yiddishkeit because of this (rachmana litzlan), when they feel totally hopeless.

Of course, this is a difficult situation, and we pray that Hashem should help all these people that they should never come to that point of despair. But these people really need to re-evaluate their feelings of despair, and ask themselves: “Is it really true that my entire life is totally worthless…?” Just because one part of their life isn’t working out doesn’t mean make everything else in their life worthless.

Despair From Success In Torah Learning

Another example: it can happen that a person learning in yeshiva is going through a hard time, and he comes to the conclusion that his entire life must be hopeless, and that he will never succeed in life. Many times this is in his imagination and it is not the reality. Yet the person comes to feel hopeless about his entire life in general, because of one particular problem he is going through.

Others have this problem to a smaller degree: they give up on a certain part of their life. They don’t consider all of their life to be worthless, but they have given up on a certain part of life, convinced that they will never succeed when it comes to this part of their life.

Often it is conceit or jealousy which motivates people to embark on a certain endeavor, and then at a certain point they realize that their aspirations aren’t happening, and then they fall into despair. These aspirations were not realistic to begin with. But many times a person simply loses his aspirations even for his realistic goals, and then he falls into a crushing feeling of despair.

Here is a simple example we are all familiar with: the aspiration to know the Torah. We know that the Torah is endless, and it is impossible to one sugya entirely. A person might feel, “Everyone else can succeed in Torah, but I can’t.” He thinks that others are more successful because they have a better memory than he does, and that success in Torah learning is a gift from Heaven which he didn’t merit, and he feels that he cannot strive for more than his current level of understanding.

He has completely given upon up a part of his life: his Torah learning. He feels that he will never succeed in Torah learning any more than the way it is now, and he just continues on with complacency, thinking that Hashem will allow him to continue learning Torah for as long as he has the strength to. But he has given up on the desire to know the Torah better.

This is a partial kind of despair. He has not given up on his entire life; he has only given up on a part of his life, which is his Torah learning. Even if he learns Torah in-depth and even if has enjoyment in learning, he produces chiddushim and he has written sefarim, etc., he still might feel a sense of total despair when it comes to his Torah learning, thinking that he cannot get any further in knowing more of the Torah.

This is his fire-of-fire-of-fire at work, where his fire-of-fire-of-fire has caused him to “destroy” a part of his life, by giving up on it.

Three Options To Transcend Despair: Emunah, More Effort, and Taking One More Step Forward

The true perspective for one to have is that there is no such as thing as despair. Firstly, we must be realistic in our aspirations. If our aspirations are realistic, we have no reason to despair, for either of the following three reasons.

First of all, one can persevere in life with emunah. By having emunah, one can get by anything. An alternative method for success, Chazal say, is to have yegiah (effort). “One who says I toiled and I did not find, do not believe him. One who says I toiled and I found, believe him.”[1] As long as one tries his hardest (and this includes doing as much as his natural abilities allow him to, as well as a little bit beyond that), he is guaranteed to be assisted by Heaven to get to his spiritual goals. Along with this perseverance, one must also believe that all success in spirituality is ultimately a gift from Heaven, and not due to his own efforts.

These above two methods (emunah and yegiah) get straight to the root of the matter and they are both a deep and fundamental approach to getting rid of despair.

However, not everyone is on the level of mustering a high level of emunah, and not everyone has the resilience to persevere through difficulty, in the face of despair. There is a third, alternative path to take, which is easier to take. It does not solve the issue as deeply as the above two methods, but most people will probably need to use it in favor of the above two solutions, which require more inner strength of character.

This is the simple piece of advice that can help a person get past despair: No matter what stage a person is up to in his progress, even when he feels like he cannot do any more than he is already doing, he still has the power to take one more step forward. And that he is how he can keep persevering, a little step forward each time, until he eventually leaves behind all despair.

As long as one can access this belief, he can remove his negative fire-of-fire-of-fire from dominating him, and he transcends despair and self-destruction.

Practically Removing Ourselves From Despair

Thus, if one possesses a strong amount of fire-of-fire-of-fire (and everyone has some amount of it when it comes to a certain part of life, which makes us apt to have total despair in a certain area of our life), the solution is (besides for emunah and working harder, which are deeper methods that require a lot of inner strength of character): to take one more step beyond your current level.

However, before anything, first we need to determine if the person’s despair is a bad thing or not. There are some cases where it is actually healthy that the person has despaired. For example, if a person despairs from landing a certain position, maybe it is good for him that he didn’t get the position. In this case, it’s a good thing that he gave up on getting that position. So one should first think if giving up in his case is a healthy kind of despair or not. If a person can find reason that the despair is healthy, then there is no need to get rid of the despair.

But if a person has reflected into the situation and he realizes that his despair is unhealthy, the way he can come out of is by taking one more step than what he thinks he can do. If one tries this, he will succeed in leaving behind the evil kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire. In whatever frustrating situation a person finds himself in, he can try taking one more step forward past his current level.

How much he aspires to go forward is something that will depend on his personal level, but as long as he manages to take one more step forward even though he doesn’t feel like it, he has for the most part left behind the detrimental kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire, and he is traveling in the opposite direction of despair.

Holy Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire: Unceasing Strength

So far we have explained what to do about the evil and detrimental kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire. Now we will discuss the holy use of fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul. [Here we will deal with a “lower” kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire. Later in the chapter we will discuss a “higher” kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire].

There are those who have a revealed amount of holy fire-of-fire-of-fire in their souls either because they went through much suffering in their life, or because they grew up in a lofty, spiritual environment which enabled their fire-of-fire-of-fire to thrive. Some others are born with this nature as a part of their personality; they are born with a tremendous push to strive higher.  This nature to have a constant inner push will also come with a side-effect: it will mean that the person will have no serenity, not on this world and not on the next.

Others who see this kind of person cannot understand how a person can be so motivated in life and be such a powerhouse, and they struggle to understand his personality. When one observes this kind of person from a superficial perspective, he will suspect him of either being a huge baal gaavah (conceited person), or he will suspect of him of being motivated by extreme jealousy, or assume that the person is extremely honor-seeking. People cannot understand how a person can be so motivated to strive so high in life, so they will blame it on any of these negative traits.

But the true way to understand it is because there are some people who are simply born with an inner fire in themselves, which constantly burns and pushes them to go higher, and this fire knows no rest. It’s not an issue of how well the person “chooses” to stay put or not; his inner fire is constantly burning, so it doesn’t allow him to ever stay put where he is and just be satisfied.

A person with a lot of holy fire-of-fire-of-fire is never satisfied with where he is right now, and he is always seeking to push himself higher. The person is constantly “moving” inside of himself; he is not able to totally silence these inner movements and just try stay put. This kind of person is always moving, and he is restless.  Even if he does manage to stop moving so much, it would take a lot of exertion on his part to restrain himself.

The Disadvantage of Being Intensely Motivated

We should know the following, however. Some people have a constant fire-of-fire-of-fire in their souls that is always causing them to move, but their souls are generally imbalanced, due to the inner turmoil in their souls, which hasn’t been sorted out yet.

This is a very difficult and complicated issue to treat, because these people are full of internal chaos in their souls, and their minds are flying all over the place, which makes it hard to stabilize them. These kinds of people might able to get a lot done, but they become extremely chaotic as they are amidst doing what they do, almost losing their mind in the process. 

Usually, these people are not successful in what they do, and although they perform a lot, they usually cannot produce any solid and lasting results from what they do. This is because they have no inner peace in their souls, and instead, they are acting from the extreme inner fire which fuels them.

This kind of person might be very creative and talented, but he cannot focus on any one point and carry through to the end. The person is guided by a sense of extremity which is motivating him to perform, but he is not able to live his life successfully, due to the general imbalance of his soul. He acts based on his anxious reactions, which sometimes can lead to good results, but usually the results are disastrous.

Three Scenarios of Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire

To review: some people have too much fire-of-fire-of-fire which causes them to develop extreme despair, as we mentioned before. In other cases, a dominance of fire-of-fire-of-fire can cause the person to become very ambitious in evil pursuits, and they cause much destruction to the world.

In others, fire-of-fire-of-fire causes them to seek proper and holy pursuits, but they are generally imbalanced in their souls, so they act in an unstable way, which causes even the good things they do to be done haphazardly. They act in an extreme manner and they act very opinionated about their unique ideas, and they will act very different than others. Even if it is stemming from a holy kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul, it is still an extreme and imbalanced way of living, and it does not represent the normal way of life as it should be.

If this kind of person manages to balance out his fire-of-fire-of-fire with the other elements of his personality, he will be a highly motivated person who receives constant inspiration from within himself, to keep achieving. These are the kinds of people who have constant aliyah (ascension) throughout their life, and they are special souls that are rare to find in our generation.

Gifted Personalities

When people read biographies or stories about these unique kinds of people, they might try to imitate them, only to find that they do not have the energies of these talented and unique individuals. But we must know that the unusually gifted people of the world did not reach their achievements due to their free choice. They were simply born with a lot of fire-of-fire-of-fire in their soul, which pushes them very far to reach an unusual amount of personal growth or an unusual ability to benefit the masses.

When a person is born with this nature dominant in the soul, it means that he is blessed with many different kinds of abilities; he is gifted with a plethora of all kinds of different talents. He is not simply multi-talented in a certain area; he is talented in many different areas that are each distinct from each other. He is far more talented than many people in his surroundings, and therefore his entire behavior and thought patterns are very different from most average people. If someone envies this person’s capabilities and he aspires to be like him, he will not be successful, because this is an unusual kind of person who cannot be imitated.

It is not necessarily because the gifted person contains a very lofty neshamah (Divine soul). Rather, it is because the personality of his nefesh habehaimis (animal soul, or lower soul)is designed to think and act differently than others. We can find even non-observant Jews or gentiles who are also blessed with this kind of gifted personality. These are people who have very strong personalities, and no matter how much difficulties they go through, they never give up. This is the kind of person who can go through a Holocaust yet he emerges from it as strong as before, as if nothing happened. We can all recognize people who have very strong, iron personalities.

The common denominator between all gifted, strong people is that they are unfazed by problems, and they wonder why others fall apart and despair from difficulty. They have a hard time understanding why people are so fragile when it comes to dealing with difficulty, because they are so resilient and they see things very differently than how the average person sees things. It is because these people have a firm place in their souls which enables them to act and think differently than others.

Others who see this kind of person will have a hard time understanding his personality and how he is so strong, and anyone who tries to imitate this person will become frustrated, because he is trying to copy someone who has a vastly different soul makeup than what he has, which contains far more inner strength.

This kind of strong and gifted personality exists both in people who are secular as well as in people who strictly observe the Torah. It is a nature of fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul, which can be used for either secular achievements or for holy achievements. It is rare to find this kind of personality, and those who do have it usually have some kind of instability in their personalities, due to their unusually high level of ambition and capability.

However, if this person manages to attain a balance in his soul, he can bring about unusual achievements, both on a personal level as well as on the communal and global level. His talents will not be able to be understood by other people of course, because he is far more gifted than anyone else in his surroundings. A person with a lot of fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul comes across as a unique creation in and of itself, who no one else can understand.

So far we have explained the holy use of fire-of-fire-of-fire when it is directed properly. It can bring a person to unusual levels of self-perfection, or to unusual achievements which help build the world.

Inner Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire (Nefesh HaElokis): Quick Ascension

Now we will describe a point that is hidden, which is a far deeper point than anything discussed until now, about fire-of-fire-of-fire.

The soul’s nature of fire-of-fire-of-fire is fueled by a cycle of destruction, ascension, destruction, ascension, etc. Some people have fire-of-fire-of-fire in their nefesh habehaimis alone, and this is what we described until now. These people are able to keep ascending higher after they ‘destroy’ their previous levels of achievement. They keep building upon the destruction of previous levels, and they never give up with their ambitions. When this power is perfected, such a person won’t give up until he brings the world and all the people in it to the complete redemption. But there is also a more inner and deeper kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire, which stems from the nefesh haElokis (the “G-dly” layer of the soul, or the higher soul).

[We will refer to this as “higher” fire-of-fire-of-fire, whereas until now when we discussed fire-of-fire-of-fire that comes from the nefesh habehaimis\animal soul\lower soul, we were describing “lower” fire-of-fire-of-fire].

This higher kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire, which stems from the nefesh haElokis, enables a person to keep persevering, continuously, after destruction of the previous level; and to keep repeating the cycle.

This is not about a nature of how to be more successful in This World, and it is not about building and improving the world, nor is it about building one’s own soul. [That would all be a use of lower fire-of-fire-of-fire]. The inner and higher kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire, which is in the nefesh haElokis, is the “cheilek eloka mimaal”, a “portion of G-d above”, and its nature is that it keeps shattering limitations. It keeps ‘destroying’, like a fire that keeps jumping out of its place. Anything it encounters, it destroys, and then it goes further, repeating the cycle.

Now we will say a very deep concept. The fire-of-fire-of-fire of the nefesh haElokis can keep ‘destroying’ until it eventually destroys everything. But we do not mean destruction in the same way we understand how fire burns up wood and destroys it, leaving it a pile of ash. Rather, the fire-of-fire-of-fire in the nefesh haElokis has a nature to ‘destroy’ anything in its path, and it can destroy very quickly, in the blink of an eye.

To illustrate the concept, if someone is struggling with a certain desire, it can take a long amount of time until he overcomes the desire, and he usually has to work slowly and in steps until he eventually breaks the desire. It is a struggle and it feels like fighting a war, for most people. But if a person has a lot of inner fire-of-fire-of-fire (of nefesh haElokis), he is so motivated to overcome this desire that he quickly overcomes it, ‘destroying’ the desire very quickly.

Unusual Maturity and Capability

One of the Sages [Rebbi Eliezer ben Azaryah] said, “I am like seventy years old.” In other words, there is a power in the soul to be mature and wise beyond one’s years, and this is aside from the concept of seeing success after putting in effort, where one receives the success as a gift from Heaven. That is a separate matter. Here we are discussing as aspect in the soul which can quickly ‘destroy’ and dismiss its previous steps, and then quickly stride towards success, like a fire which quickly moves after it has finished destroying whatever is in its path.

A person with this kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire is able to quickly traverse though certain parts of life and overcome the difficulties of life, long before his peers have traversed those parts of life. It is as if he has already gone through much of life already at even an early stage in his life, and therefore others are amazed at his unusual maturity and strength which goes beyond his years. When others speak to him, they sense that he has long ago traversed and gotten past the difficulties of life, which average people struggle with.

The Sfas Emes said that there are some lofty souls who are already born on a Heavenly level, and they are born wiser and more mature than their peers. But here we are speaking about something else: a strong amount of inner fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul will mean that the person takes very quick strides in life. He learns faster than other and he gets further than others in a quick amount of time, where others take longer to develop. Compare this to a young child walking three steps, and an older child standing next to him who can cover the same amount of space with taking just one step.

A person with a lot of inner fire-of-fire-of-fire takes quick strides. This might manifest either in his intellect, in that he will be able to quickly absorb what he learns, or it might manifest in the abilities of his soul, which will mean that he keeps absorbing his abilities, ‘destroying’ his previous levels, and then quickly proceeding further.

We can see it manifest in some intellectually gifted students who are learning the very same material of Gemara as their classmates. While everyone else is struggling to understand the simple meaning of the first point of the Gemara that they come across, the one blessed with a lot of inner fire-of-fire-of-fire will very quickly absorb and understand the material, from one point to the next in quick succession, and he never gets stuck, whereas the average boy has to take his time in order to understand and absorb each point in the Gemara.

The Disadvantage Of Being Brilliant

Thus, when there is a lot of inner fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul, it causes a person to take very quick strides, either in how he thinks or in how he uses his various energies.

Sometimes this comes with a negative side-effect: because the person ‘grasps’ things so quickly, he might overlook things in the process, and he misses certain points. This is because there is a rule that any quality will interfere with at least one quality in the soul. If a person is very brilliant and intellectually gifted, he probably also overlooks and skips over some details when he learns things.

In summary, if a person has a lot of inner fire-of-fire-of-fire, he absorbs quickly what he has to do\understand and he also progresses very quickly. Of course, there are some things that will take more time for him to learn and progress in, but generally speaking, he is unusually bright and a quick performer and achiever.

The Point of Total Destruction – In The Side of Holiness and In The Side of Evil

When it comes to ascending the ladder of serving Hashem, which is like Jacob’s ladder, “footed in earth, and its head reaches the heavens”, a person with a lot of inner and holy fire-of-fire-of-fire quickly reaches the top rung of the ladder in Heaven, where he can ‘destroy’ all of Creation [we will soon explain more about this concept], by seeing the futility and worthlessness of everything, for he sees that he is above it all.

This is not referring to a negative kind of destruction and nullification, like when Haman said “All of this is not worth anything to me”, where a person considers everything to be worthless after he has achieved very high. We are referring to someone who has already traversed everything, and that is how he has ‘destroyed’ everything, in the sense that he has already gone through everything and he has climbed it all.

Fire-of-fire-of-fire is used for evil purposes when people come to dismiss the importance of others and they belittle and mock others. This is the negative trait of leitzanus (mockery), and it is it an abuse of the power of fire-of-fire-of-fire. The truth is that when a person uses fire-of-fire-of-fire for evil purposes, he has never really gone through anything in life; he has no real maturity about life.

In contrast, when fire-of-fire-of-fire is used for holiness, the person is capable of a maturity and wisdom that makes him wise beyond his years, as one who has gone through much experience in life; not only that, but he reaches this maturity very quickly, because he has a soul that can take very quick strides and get much further than others.

Compare this to two people traveling to a certain country, and one of them takes a plane, and the other one takes a boat. They will both get to the same destination, but the one who takes the plane (who was ‘above’ in the air) gets there in a few hours, while the one who takes the boat (who was ‘below’) gets there in a few weeks.

Those who have a lot of holy, inner fire-of-fire-of-fire in their souls are those who somehow pass through all of life, and they pass it very quickly. And what happens when the end of this path is reached? They arrive at the ‘endpoint’ in Creation, where they can see that all of Creation is futile (and this is the holy use of Haman’s expression, “All of this is not worth anything to me”).

Our Sages state that all of Creation is contained in ‘one mere point’. It means that when a person reaches the endpoint of Creation, he can see how all of the universe is contained in one single point – the lower realms, the higher realms, everything. It is all contained in one single point, and eventually it will all be nullified [to Hashem].

Logically speaking, a person who reaches this space will would feel a total state of despair, realizing that all of Creation is worthless and meaningless in the long term of things, and if this is the case, he falls into the ‘chalal hapanuy’ (the ‘empty space’) in Creation where he will feel nothing but emptiness and a sense that his existence is meaningless. This of course will breed a total level of despair.

But if one has a holy and inner kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire, he sees an entirely different perspective that transcends human intellect. It can be described as follows.

Holy Destruction: The Fire of Hashem

The Gemara says, “Fire eats fire.”[2] There are many interpretations of this line of the Gemara, but in relevance to us, the depth of this is: fire can destroy its own nature of destruction.

The sefarim hakedoshim explain that “evil destroys itself, from within itself.” This is also the secret meaning behind the words of the Gemara that the redemption will either happen in a generation that is entirely undeserving or a generation that is entirely worthy – when the generation is entirely undeserving of redemption, the amount of evil in the world will reach its peak, until the evil eventually destroys itself.

This is also reminiscent of the words of the Gemara, “Anyone who adds, subtracts” – the more evil that is added onto evil, the closer it is to its own destruction. This is a deep matter which we will not discuss further here, but this is the outline of the concept.

When evil destroys itself, it destroys something else as well: it destroys the very nature of destruction! This is the meaning of how “fire eats fire.” The true “fire” refers to the Hashem’s fire, so to speak.[3] The perfect and deep “fire” in Creation, which is Hashem’s “fire”, can destroy the very power of destruction. When destruction is destroyed, a person reaches total menuchah (serenity), realizing that there is nothing in Creation besides for Hashem (Ain Od Milvado).

The depth behind this matter is because fire keeps destroying, and it finds no rest. As soon as it destroys something, it is on to destroying something else. This is due to the nature in fire that wants to keep rising.

Reaching The Endpoint of Creation

When one reaches the ‘endpoint’, where he feels that everything is worthless because he has already risen above it all, there are two possible reactions he might have.

If he got to this point using evil fire-of-fire-of-fire (meaning, his success in life is due to an unusual level of arrogance), he will enter into a state of absolute despair and a sense of emptiness, feeling that his existence is meaningless. He might come to heresy, becoming so haughty with himself that he thinks he is a powerful and godlike being, and this is what happened to Pharoah, who came to believe that he was a god.

But when one using the holy kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire, he ‘destroys’ everything because he has traversed it all, and when he reaches the point of total ‘destruction’ of everything, he reaches the one point which can never be destroyed – the absoluteness of Hashem’s existence. It is the point of Hashem “was, is, and will be”.

In the future, Hashem will rebuild the Beis HaMikdash with a fire, and there will be wall of fire that protects it. This is referring to the holy and perfected “fire”, Hashem’s fire, the fire that is absolute and total which will ‘destroy’ everything in Creation. This reflects the words of the Gemara that ‘fire eats fire’, which will show that there is nothing in Creation besides for Hashem.

(This point in the soul is far removed from most of the generation, and we are only discussing this point so that we can complete our study [of the elements\traits of the soul].

The Deep Contradiction of the Soul: Containing Serenity and Action

When one has this deep and inner holy fire-of-fire-of-fire in the soul, he reaches an absolute level of sheket (calm). Reaching this point in the soul, however, will reveal a great inner contradiction in the person’s soul, as follows.

On one hand, this person has an inner fire that keeps burning, which causes him to keep progressing, dismissing his previous achievements, and immediately progressing further, with nothing stopping him. On the other hand, he is a kind of person who can easily connect to a deep inner serenity in his soul, the deepest state of serenity possible.

The State of ‘Ain Od Milvado’

All other levels of menuchah (serenity) besides for this are of This World, which does not allow for a complete inner serenity, due to its chaotic state. The menuchah that is attainable through a strong, holy, and inner fire-of-fire-of-fire is coming from an otherworldly dimension altogether.

This is because fire-of-fire-of-fire (when it is holy) destroys everything in This World, and then there is nothing left of This World for the person to experience, and the only thing left for him to experience is the reality of Hashem’s absolute oneness, the “day that is entirely Shabbos and eternal serenity”. It is the point where all of Creation is ‘destroyed’ before him, and all that remains is to recognize the simple reality of “Ain Oid Milvado” – the deeper dimension of reality, where we fully recognize that there is nothing besides for Hashem, simply speaking.

The Nefesh HaChaim[4]describes at length of how to understand the ‘simple’ meaning of the “Ain Od Milvado” dimension. Here we have described a deep way of how to arrive at this perception. One way to get there is through emunah, and another way of getting there is through exertion to reach it, where it is received as a gift from Heaven. A third way of how to reach it is what we described here: to keep ascending, until a person reaches the point where all of Creation is destroyed before him, and when a person reaches that point, the simple reality of “Ain Od Milvado” is revealed to the person.

Upon reaching the simple meaning of “Ain Od Milvado”, the avodah of the person then becomes a process of “ratzu v’shov” (“running and returning”, or progressing and retreating), back and forth between the complete state of menuchah contained found in the state of Ain Od Milvado (where he has complete menuchah, which gives him the strength to keep progressing endlessly) that he has reached, and continuing to act from there. He will keep moving back and forth between serenity and action. He keeps ‘destroying’ all destruction and returns to the complete menuchah he finds in Hashem, and then he continues to progress from there.

This is a very deep contradiction of the soul. On one hand there is complete calmness, and at the same time, there is unceasing performance. A person who reaches this place in his soul has an entirely different kind of balance to his soul’s fire-of-fire-of-fire: he is balanced between serenity and action. His actions are subsequently balanced with serenity [because he can keep returning to a complete serenity] and his serenity is balanced with action [because his serenity provides him with more strength to keep progressing in his actions].

How To Balance Lower Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire

Earlier in this chapter, we discussed a lower kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire [which is found in the nefesh habehaimis), and such fire-of-fire-fire needs to balanced out with the other elements of the soul, namely, the elements of water and earth (and perhaps with a little bit of wind). The person will require some pleasure (water) and the ability to attain stability so that he can build himself properly (earth), in order to balance out the stormy nature of fire-of-fire-of-fire.

How To Balance Higher Fire-of-Fire-of-Fire

But when it comes to balancing out the higher kind of fire-of-fire-of-fire [which stems from the nefesh haElokis], the balance is [mainly] attained through moving back and forth between the states of menuchah\Ain Od Milvado and of performance (pe’ulah).

Of course, even higher fire-of-fire-of-fire needs to be balanced out with the elements of water and earth, because the lower aspect of his fire-of-fire-of-fire still requires a balance from the other elements of the soul. But the main factor of the balance here will lie in accessing the menuchah that he derives from Ain Od Milvado.

In Conclusion

The words here have described very high spiritual concepts, and for whatever reason that Hashem has planned, He has arranged it that these words be said during the most spiritual time of the year [a few days before Yom Kippur]. Perhaps our ears will be more willing to listen to these words now that our ears have just been sanctified from hearing the shofar on Rosh HaShanah, which may have opened a little opening in our souls so that enables us to hear of concepts which are way above our current level.

Even if the levels here are above us, it was worth it for us to just hear these words, so that we can complete our understanding of the matters we are learning about and see a more complete picture.

If one is in touch with the point of the soul that was described here, he is connected to the true and perfected gaavah, the gaavah of Hashem which is perfect and holy – “the gaavah (pride) of Yisrael is HaKadosh Baruch Hu”; he becomes united with the shleimus (perfection) of the Blessed One.