Fixing Your Wind - 009 Idle Chatter Part 1: Dry Conversations

Wind-of-Wind: Idle Speech

With the help of Hashem, we continue here to learn about the element of wind in the soul. We are up to discussing wind-of-wind, which generally refers to devarim betailim (idle speech). Wind-of-wind subdivides into four categories: earth, water, wind and fire.

Four Kinds of Idle Speech

Earth-of-wind-of-wind is the source of ‘dry’ kinds of conversation (just as the earth is a dry substance). As an example, the Sages say that a person who talks lashon hora (gossip) has no enjoyment in his speech, just like the snake does not enjoy its food, which can only eat dirt. Hence, when one speaks words (wind) that are idle (wind) which are “dry” in their nature, it stems from earth-of-wind-of-wind (Soon we will explain the depth of this).

Water-of-wind-of-wind is when a person talks about topics that are enjoyable to him. Water is the root of enjoyment; hence, when a person speaks idle words (wind-of-wind) which are enjoyable to him (water), such speech stems from his water-of-wind-of-wind.

Wind-of-wind-of-wind is when a person talks freely. The Chovos HaLevovos said that “the lightest part of the body is the tongue”, meaning, speech flows very freely. When speech emanates from one’s ‘tongue’ - when it flows lightly and freely, it is coming from wind-of-wind-of-wind, because the person’s words (wind) are moving quickly (wind) and he speaks idle words: wind-of-wind-of-wind.

Fire-of-wind-of-wind is when a person speaks excitedly and he thus he gets ‘fiery’ with his words.  

Earth-of-Wind-of-Wind: Empty Conversations

We will begin by discussing earth-of-wind-of-wind: “dry” kinds of talk. Just as the earth is dry, so can a person’s speech be dry, when it lacks content.

When a person talks, sometimes the talking is alive with vitality, and sometimes the conversations are dry and dead.

Sometimes it is a ‘dry’ kind of conversation because it is about a ‘dry’ topic.  For example, two people meet and talk about nonsense, such as what they bought in the store or where they went, what they did, etc. Now, if a person says something to his friend that contains something new and exciting, this can be called an ‘alive’ kind of conversation; there is some content to what he is saying. But sometimes people talk about empty things that are unimportant.

A large part of speech that exists today is about things that have no life to it, such as, “I went to the bank. I went to the store. I got on the bus.” These are all dead conversations! There’s no content in them.

Even more so, let’s say two people meet each other and start schmoozing, and for some reason the conversation goes flat in the middle, and the other one is silent. What is the reason for this? (Now, if two women meet, they are for sure not going to have any quiet between them.) What is the reason for the long pauses of silence? Sometimes it is because a person isn’t interested in people or because he is too closed up inside himself; we are not dealing with this here. We are dealing with an emotionally healthy person: why isn’t the other responding in middle of the conversation?

If they are two bnei Torah, they will speak about matters of content, such as topics in Torah or avodas Hashem. But if a person is not like this, what does he usually talk about with another?  When there is a simcha and the people are sitting around with each other by the table, what do they speak about? People are usually speaking about matters that have no content in them!

Sometimes the conversations are a little more meaningful, but they are mostly just talking out of keeping to various social rules. Most of the talking going on in social scenes is about things that are dead from any inner content to then.

The Same Old Conversations That Never Change

Worse than this is when a person has the habit of having to voice his opinions and how everything should be. Often, a person will speak about things he doesn’t know much about, and he is only speaking about it because he has trained himself to always speak about those topics. Perhaps he grew up that way, to talk about those specific topics and only those topics. These are also conversations that do not contain vitality to them.

Even a person who is more spiritual, who only talks Divrei Torah, might only be saying over the same ‘shtickel Torah’ he always says, and he keeps repeating it. The words are not alive. There are people who keep repeating the same Torah speech whenever they have to speak in public, for years and years. These are also ‘dead’ kinds of speech.

Sometimes there are topics which everyone likes to talk about, such as chinuch (child education). However, a person might just be repeating his words and opinions every time he speaks about timeless topics, and there is nothing new contained in his words; he is just repeating his words. People tend to keep speaking about the same topic, again and again, and the words have no vitality to them.

The more a person talks, the more dry his words probably are, because it’s not possible to say so many words that are alive. Thus, talking a lot leads to superficial kinds of talking.

Even ‘talking in learning’ with a chavrusa can be ‘dead’. This is when one talks from his undeveloped ‘hashkafah rishona’ (“first outlook”), and not from his heart or from thinking it over properly, and he simply says the opposite of what his chavrusa says, simply because it’s not his hashkafah rishona; he hasn’t even thought it over well. (Of course, there is a level of hashkafah rishonah that can be trusted, which is when one is on a high level. But we are not talking about this). When one talks from his hashkafah rishonah, the words he speaks are usually dead.

Even when one talks about important topics that are on people’s minds, such as chinuch or shalom bayis (marriage) or areas of chesed or Torah causes, it can very well be that hasn’t thought it over that much, and when he talks about these topics, his words are kind of ‘dead’. And he keeps repeating them, again and again, each time that the topic comes up again…

One who is a bit emotionally aware can tell that sometimes when he speaks with others, the other is talking from a superficial part of himself.

Those Who Talk With Expertise On All Areas

This problem is more apparent in people who always have opinions about everything whenever they converse with others. There are also people who talk about all areas of Torah as if they know every area of Torah very well, without having learned it. (Thus, the problem of excessive talking is not only a problem that exists in the outside world, but it can affect even people who are more spiritual). Even if such talking came from thinking about the words beforehand, the person might have very well came to a superficial conclusion, and when he speaks about it, the words are not alive. Most of the words spoken today are “dead” words, words that have no inner content to them.

More examples are: a person sings Zemiros, and often he just sings them because he is repeating them, simply because that’s what he used to. Another example: a person says the same “vort” about Sheva Berachos every time he is by a Sheva Berachos, the same vort which everyone knows. The words are dead and merely being forced out of his mouth because it’s the social norm that you have to speak when you are with people...

These are words that come from earth-of-wind-of-wind, words that are “dry” and thus dead, lacking chiyus (vitality) to them.

Earlier, we brought the words of the Sages that the Snake has no enjoyment when it speaks. Now we can understand the depth of these words: when a person speaks words that are ‘dry’, such speech stems from earth-of-wind-of-wind, just as the Snake eats dirt and has no enjoyment in it, so are there people who do not enjoy what they talk about, yet they talk anyway, always talking words that are dead from content and thus dry from vitality.

1. Don’t Talk So Much

If a person has a bit of chiyus\vitality in himself, he can feel empty and sad after he has such a conversation or even as he’s amidst it. When one lives a more inner life, he knows how to talk from his intellect and heart together. This is the general outline, and now we will explain this more in detail.

First of all, a person has to know that we don’t have to talk so much. Just because you are with people doesn’t mean you have to always schmooze with people. Sometimes we are active with people, and sometimes we withdraw.

2. Infuse Renewal Into Your Conversations

However, even when you do choose schmooze with others, at least speak from a place of chiyus (vitality) in yourself. This can be achieved in either one of two ways: Either a person can feel vitality in talking about a topic that he loves to talk about, or if it’s a conversation that will contain a new point that he never thought about yet.

Of course, sometimes you have to talk to people to be kind to others [so that they won’t feel like you’re ignoring them, or to raise another’s spirits]. These words don’t have to be alive or contain anything novel.

But in an average situation, where one chooses to schmooze with others, he should talk from a more alive place within himself.  To speak a conversation that has chiyus in it, either one can speak about holy matters, or at least matters that are close to holiness; or, one can speak about things that contains a new insight into something. The point is that in your conversations with people, strive to look for a point in the conversation that contains some chiyus and then speak about it with the other.

To illustrate, Rav Dovid Povarsky zt”l said that each times he gives shiur on the same masechta that he already learned in the previous cycle of yeshiva, he would learn it as if he never learned it before. The point of the concept is to look for something new in the same old words.

So when you are speaking with someone, one should speak about a point that is alive. You can even be repetitive about it, as long as it’s something which contains chiyus. To illustrate, we can see that a first grade teacher or second grade teacher says the very same words to his class each time that he teaches it, but he teaches it with chiyus, because he loves to speak about what he’s talking about.

The other way to infuse chiyus into your conversations with others is that there can always be renewal in your words. For example, when you learn Gemara, you can always find some new point in what you’re learning each time you sit down to learn the same old piece.

In Summary

Thus, in every conversation, there are two points for you to consider: where you speak from in myself, as well as what you speak about. You need to speak from a place in yourself that is alive and not dry and dead, as well as to speak about things that are alive and not dry and dead.

The point is: don’t keep repeating your same old words that you always say; look for a point of chiyus in what you’re speaking about (and if you do so, you can be repetitive about it), or, look to speak about something that you like to speak about (don’t be repetitive about it).

(When you speak words of chiyus, they can penetrate into the one who hears them.)

3. Improving The Quality Of Your Conversations

Now we come to a third, deeper point, which is relevant to wind-of-wind-of-wind (speech that flows freely) that we will later expand upon.

Why do people talk so freely? It comes from being used to talking words that have no chiyus\vitality. Once a person gets used to speaking words of vitality in his conversations, though, he will find that his words take more strength out of him (for it is written, “My soul leaves when  I speak with Him”), so he will find that he talks less!

When one gets used to speaking words of chiyus in his conversations, he will discover that he speaks less. Sometimes of course you need to schmooze with others in order to be kind to them, but generally speaking, you will find it harder to speak so much with others, because your words take more energy out of you, being that they are energy-giving and thus use up your energy more.

Such words are words that a person can connect his words with to Hashem. One who speaks without chiyus does not experience the possuk, “My soul leaves when I speak with Him.” On the other hand, one speaks with chiyus, can feel that he’s used up more energy when he speaks words that are more alive and spiritual.

In Conclusion

We have mentioned these ideas briefly, but it has been described here a way of speaking which is very different than “street talk.” It is the kind of speech that ideal Torah scholars have, who find life in the words of Torah and thus have more elevated kinds of conversations.