Joy from the Four Elements - 005 Joy From Renewal

Fire-of-Earth: Introducing Renewal Into The Routine

With siyata d’shmaya we are continuing to learn about simchah (joy). Previously we studied how we derive joy from earth-of-earth, water-of-earth, and wind-of-earth. Now we will discuss fire-of-earth, which is essentially the excitement that can be derived from our element of earth, and we will see how we can derive joy from it. This “fire”-of-earth is the general source of joy.

Earth actualizes the potential of something, which brings joy. The movement involved in trying to actualize our potential, and the completion of actualized potential, is the general description of how the element of earth provides joy.

Now let’s learn about the element of fire and how we can draw joy from it. Understandably, fire contains many different aspects. We will focus the discussion on one particular aspect of fire: its ability of renewal.

The element of earth cannot renew itself. Earth stays as it is and where it is, and it doesn’t change. Water also stays the same. Air moves around, but it essentially stays the same. The only element which changes itself and renews itself is fire. Fire is constantly renewing itself, in order to stay burning. Fire continues to burn only by renewing itself every moment.

Applying this to ourselves: When a person gets used to the routine of life, even if he is always doing good things, if he has no renewal, he becomes sad. When the same things are done again and again, as part of routine and with nothing new involved, this dries out the soul, causing the element of earth in the soul to dominate, and bringing on sadness. In order to counter the sadness that comes upon a person from a “dried out” soul, we need to introduce renewal – the element of fire - which can thereby remove a person’s sadness.

Fire is all about renewal. When a person keeps to the same course and he is simply performing everything out of routine and out of habit, this causes the element of earth in the soul to dominate, and it brings “dryness” upon the soul. One needs renewal in order to counter this. Although we also need the stability and permanence of the element of earth in our lives, we also need to introduce renewal into what we are doing. This “renewal within the routine” is essentially the “fire”-of-earth. This actualizes one’s potential in a way that brings renewal, and subsequently, joy.

On one hand a person needs to act in a way that is stable and consistent, but a person also needs to have some renewal in what he’s doing, even if only a little. Here are some examples.

Example 1 - Introducing Renewal Into Our Davening

Chazal state that tefillah (prayer) is called the “service of the heart”. It is a matter of the heart. On one hand, we daven the same words every day, as the Sages established. These words were established according to Ruach HaKodesh, and each word recited as part of this routine is vital for us. But if a person merely says the same words every day during every davening, never adding any prayers of his own, his davening becomes dry. Every day he feels like he is just saying the same words, again and again, as if he is on monotone. On an intellectual level, a person finds this boring, because he never arrives at any additional understanding or insights in the words of the davening. And on an emotional level, one finds this uninspiring and unfulfilling. For this reason, one needs to introduce some renewal into his davening.

One can introduce renewal into his davening in the following ways. One can prepare private words of prayer beforehand, and insert his private prayers at the end of Elokai Netzor in Shemoneh Esrei, or at any other times of the day. In addition to this, a person can pick one word of any of the blessings of Shemoneh Esrei or any other parts of davening, and try to add something new to it, perhaps by thinking of a novel insight about the word he is saying.

This is a very important example, because most people find the daily prayers to be uninspiring, and their tefillos feel dry to them as a result. By applying fire-of-earth, the power of renewal, into one’s daily, routine actions, one infuses new life into these routine acts. This adds chiyus (vitality) to the davening, and it is the true realization of the Shemoneh Esrei, which is also called the chai berachos, the “18 blessings”, which is a hint that our Shemoneh Esrei is meant to become a source of spiritual chiyus (vitality) to us.

Example 2 – Introducing Renewal Into Raising Children

The following is another very important example of applying “fire-of-earth”: when a person has a big family full of children.

Raising one’s family, on one hand, involves tremendous joy. On the other hand, there is tremendous responsibilities of the parents towards their children, which involves a lot of stress and pain. Chazal call it tzaar gidul banim, the pains of raising children. There are various responsibilities we have towards the children, such as feeding them, clothing them, taking them to the doctor, keeping them healthy, etc. Sometimes this becomes very stressful - especially for the mother, who is generally more involved with their physical care. It can eventually turn into nothing but a monotonous routine, which feels nothing but stressful, with no joy in it. When raising children feels like nothing but a routine for the parents, this is not good for the parents or for the children.

How can we introduce joy into the home when raising the children? There are many ways.

One way is for a person to contemplate the following: “How would I feel if I didn’t have children? Would that be better…?” After all, we know that there are people who haven’t merited children yet, and they are sad from this. By thinking about the opposite kind of situation than yours – the fact that there are others who are pained at the fact that they don’t have children – you can gain a new perspective towards your children, and you find it easier to raise them.

Another way to ease the burden of raising children is that we can awaken our love for them, whenever we give to them. Deep down, every parent has a very deep love for his or her child, though the parent is not always conscious of this love. Since every parent has a “hidden love” for his or her child, a parent can try bringing this love more to the forefront of his or her consciousness, whenever doing anything for the child, by thinking of the love.

A third way to ease the situation is: By introducing small things that are new, exciting, and interesting to the children. Raising children should not just be limited to giving them food, clothing, etc. When that alone is the focus, raising children certainly becomes monotonous, routine, and eventually stressful. Besides for providing for the basic needs of our children, we also need to introduce something small that is new and exciting.

For example, a parent should serve a new kind of food every once in a while to the children. Instead of giving them the same breakfast every day, we can give something new, every so often.

(Of course, in some homes there is an opposite problem, where they just feed the children with whatever is available in the house. If there is pizza in the house, that is what the children are served, and there is no particular menu of what to give the children. This is an imbalanced fire, because it is fire (renewal) with no earth (stability). Here we are discussing the opposite problem: when there is earth (routine and stability) without any fire (renewal).

The basic idea is that every so often we should introduce something new into the home. It should be a small thing. We can also buy new clothing for them every so often (and of course, we shouldn’t overdo this. If a person feels that this will make the children too focused on clothing and on being stylish and trendy, one should be sensible about this and perhaps avoid buying new clothes for the children). Or, one can take the family for a walk, or for a trip. The idea is to introduce something new, which makes the entire home situation more exciting. This calms the soul and brings us joy, even amidst all of the pain and stress involved with raising children.

Example 3 – Applying Renewal To Marriage

Another important example of applying fire-of-earth, adding renewal to the routine, is when it comes to the context of marriage.

At first, when a chosson and kallah become engaged, and for the beginning of the marriage, there is renewal between them. As the weeks and months go on, though, they become used to each other, and there is no more renewal. They also have to deal with a lot of challenges and oppositions with each other. That is the way of the world. However, there can be another problem which adds to the stress: when they are simply living routinely with each other, never doing anything new together.

When a couple disagrees with each other, even if they are both good-natured people and they both have good middos, they can clash with each other. In addition, if they have any bad middos, this will also be a problem in their marriage. A third factor is the monotonous routine of life which they get used to with each other. They are each busy, whether with good things or bad things. The Gemara says that the Torah made a woman into a niddah so that she should become beloved again to her husband. With this, the Torah acknowledges that a man and woman need renewal in their marriage. This is fire-of-earth: the need for renewal, within the routine.

When a couple learns how to introduce new things into their marriage, they will find more joy in their relationship. This doesn’t mean that they need to do extreme things like moving into a new house, or going on exotic vacations, etc. They should just do small things together that will add some flavor of renewal into the marriage. This practice, of adding some small renewal into their marriage, can vastly improve their relationship and change their marriage for the better.

We have so far given three very common examples of how to use fire-of-earth.

Joy Is Attained Through Actualizing Our Strongest Area and Providing Ourselves With Renewal

Every person has his or her strongest quality, which comes from his or her strongest element. A person first needs to use his strongest element and see how he can actualize it. This helps a person find true satisfaction and joy in life, and it brings a person to stability and helps him build his inner world. One needs to learn what his strongest ability and actualize it. The more one actualizes it, the more stable one’s soul will become and the more he will properly develop his inner world.

When a person learns how to actualize his main ability, one needs to clearly identify that this actualization should be ‘multi-colored’. Meaning, he shouldn’t stick to doing one thing alone, just because it’s his strongest point. This is because a person also needs renewal. Although the main source of joy is utilizing our strongest talent or element, we also need to do new things, in order to keep our joy going, so that we don’t become dried out from doing the same thing again and again.

A person needs several kinds of renewal. Otherwise, he is constricting himself. If he only uses one kind of talent or one of his abilities, he won’t have renewal. Although he will still be actualizing his potential, he will only gain a limited kind of renewal, and he may become dried out, and eventually, he will be saddened. Therefore, a person also needs to introduce new ways of how he can utilize his capabilities, so that he can provide himself with renewal and enable his joy to keep becoming renewed.

The more a person introduces renewal, the greater his joy will become. One should mainly be using his main ability and actualizing his potential in that area, and that is how a person will reach inner joy.

May each of us merit to be written for a good new year, a year of renewal, a year of consciously renewing ourselves in our souls.

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Q&A

Q1: How exactly by doing something new does a person access the element of fire in the soul?

A: Anytime a person adds renewal to something, he is accessing the fire in the soul. For example, when a person does the mitzvah of honoring his parents, either he does the same thing every time, which keeps him in monotone, or he seeks how to add something new to how he honors them. When one adds to how he honors his parents, by thinking of some new way to honor them, he is accessing the element of fire. One can introduce renewal either through action, or through speech, or through thought.

Q2: Practically speaking, how can we introduce something new for children which they will enjoy?

A: It depends on each child’s needs. Some children require more excitement, and if the parents may present something to the children which they think is exciting, but which the child finds no interest in. So the parents need to provide something for the child which he, personally, will find exciting. However, the other children in the home also need to be taken into account – the parents need to introduce something in the home, every so often, which will satisfy the interests of all the children, not just one of the children.

Q3: What can we do for a child who doesn’t have that much fire, who isn’t that interested in anything new or exciting?

A: Provide him with something that he finds interest in, which will awaken his curiosity.