Hisboddedus Preparation - 001 Striving for Solitude

You Are Unique

In these classes, we will learn about the power of “uniqueness” in the soul, (which is called your power of “yichdus” in Hebrew).

Our Sages tell us that there are five names of our soul: Nefesh, Ruach, Neshamah, Chaya, and Yechidah. Generally speaking, The Yechidah in our soul (which is the deepest part of our self - our very essence) has two applications in our life’s mission.

One manifestation of our Yechidah is in how each person is “unique”: “What are my unique abilities that no one else in the world has? How am I unique in the world?” That is one aspect of our Yechidah.

Another role our Yechidah plays is: How do I unite with Hakadosh Baruch Hu in a unique way that no one else can?

Both these aspects of our Yechidah need to become revealed within us, and they are interrelated. I cannot have a unique connection with Hashem unless I reveal my own individual strengths, and I cannot really reveal my individuality unless I develop a uniquely strong bond with Hashem.

We have 613 mitzvos, and these mitzvos are the general mission of the entire Jewish people. That is our “general” role, but in addition to the mitzvos, each Jew’s soul has a unique role as well. Besides for the fact that you have to keep all the mitzvos of the Torah, you also have your own personal mission – unique only to you, which no one else can fulfill.

Hisbodedus: Solitude – The Way To Reveal Your Unique Self

One of the ways how we can reveal our uniqueness is through our power of yec’idus, being “individual” – an ability which is also identified by the holy sefarim as the power of hisbodedus, “solitude.” Hisbodedus, simply put,  is when a person to be alone with himself, away from people. People need time alone to themselves, and there are many reasons for this. One reason is because when you’re not around people, it’s easier to focus on internal matters. Also, it’s easier to concentrate when you’re alone, since it’s quieter. There are also more reasons than these. But there is also an inner reason why there is a need for solitude. Many people realize the need for solitude, but they are often missing the inner reason why we need solitude.

The inner need we have for solitude is because we must reveal our uniqueness. Being around people too much doesn’t let us reveal our uniqueness, and that is why we really need to be alone sometimes with ourselves.

Others devote time for solitude as a means for self-introspection, or to do teshuvah (repentance), or to daven to Hashem about everything they need in life, down to the last detail. This is all wonderful, but it is still not the inner reason why we need solitude. The inner reason why we need solitude is because we need to reveal how we are all unique, and this can only be done when one is alone.

The Two Parts of Our Nature

Adam was first created alone, and only afterwards was Chavah created. This shows us that a person by essence is alone. That is one way to look at it. However, according to a second opinion in our Sages, Adam and Chavah were created back-to-back, and their bodies were just separated afterwards[1]. This shows us that there are two sides of the coin to human beings. On one hand, we need to be together with people. On the other hand, we also have a need for individuality.

Some people by nature love to be around people. They are very friendly by nature, or they just love social companionship. It can also be because they love to engage in or hear exciting conversations. Others don’t enjoy the social scene and are instead reserved, preferring to spend their time immersed in their thinking, and they love the quiet. These are two different kinds of natures that people can have.

If one is only social and he never has quiet, though, then he is going in one extreme, because he lacks quiet in his life which is a basic need of mankind. If someone goes in the other extreme, though, and he only spends time alone and he is never around other people, he is lacking social connections, which also isn’t good. No one should be extremely social, nor should anybody be extremely reserved. These are both extreme ways of living. We need is to be balanced – we need to be both around people, as well as to have in us an inner solitude even when we are amongst them.

Most people, though, are either this way or that way. People are either living for companionship and dread being alone with themselves, or they are instead craving solitude and totally avoiding social situations. If a person spends too much time alone and he is never around people, he is not practicing true solitude. True solitude is based on a person being able to live with people and love other Jews, yet retaining a deep inner silence in his soul, even as he is amongst them.

If a person doesn’t love other Jews, he will never be able to succeed in revealing his uniqueness through practicing solitude. All of our great leaders, although they had reached a deep inner silence in themselves, also had a tremendous love for all Jews at the same time. The two sides of the coin – love for others, and solitude – must be present at once. If someone tries to work on having his solitude but he doesn’t have a deep love for other Jews, he will not really succeed.

When a person loves to be around people, he is living a superficial kind of life. He feels empty inside, and he seeks to fill his emptiness by always hanging around other people. By always seeking companionship, he is really self-absorbed and only concerned to enlarge his private ego. The real way to live, though, is that a person is able to connect to others from a deep love for Jews (Ahavas Yisrael) – and this actually can become uncovered through having solitude. Solitude is thus not about how to become more self-absorbed and worry for oneself; it is actually a way for one to reveal his true self and thus come to connect on a deeper level with others.

These words are the introduction to our discussion here.

The Dangers Involved With Hisbodedus

There will be some concerns, though, with being involved with this subject.

The first danger we should be aware of is that it has the potential to make us become disconnected from our family, since we will  need to be alone sometimes.

Another danger with solitude is that is can make a person become more self-absorbed, and instead of revealing our true self, it will just serve to enlarge our ego. Usually, as a person gets used to solitude, he will enjoy it and derive great pleasure from it, and this can often lead to an inflated sense of self-worth. This is a bad personality trait, gaavah (arrogance).

The non-Jewish world actually encourages that a person should use meditation and solitude as a way to feel unique about oneself, which has nothing to do with our goal here. Their approach focuses on uncovering one’s individuality as a goal, which is only a part of our goal. It is not our ultimate goal which is to try to reach a calm place within ourselves that will enable us to better understand our life’s mission. When we enter deep within, we can reveal our uniqueness, but this is not the goal. We can reveal  a whole new world through our solitude- a whole new kind of life than the kind of life we presently see now.The non-Jewish methods are not trying to reveal this; they are simply trying to give a person a satisfying feeling of being alone.

Solitude – A Whole New Kind of Life

Solitude can reveal to a person  a whole new kind of life that exists different then the life we now recognize. There are certain people in this world who have succeeded in using solitude as a way to live a totally spiritual kind of existence, even though their physical bodies are found on this earth. The more a person enters this inner world, the more he will be able to understand this.

This is the introduction to our discussion. These are not ideas; they are a description of an inner kind of life, a totally different way of living. If we succeed in revealing it, it will feel to us as if we are living in Heaven already on this world!

When someone reaches true solitude, it’s not that he’s living amongst people and deeply immersed in his inner world; he is actually living in a totally different world than anyone in his surroundings. His whole life becomes a reality of inner solitude, and he is in a different world altogether, although his physical body is here.

Again, hisbodedus is not about doing teshuvah which doesn’t define hisbodedus. True hisbodedus means that a person has revealed his uniqueness so that he can enter deep into himself.

An Investment for Life

What we need to ask ourselves is: How much time are we willing to expend on this? We spend a lot of time taking care of all our various responsibilities. A person has to take care of his spouse, his children, and he has to learn Torah. We spend a lot of time as well on other things such as eating and what clothing to wear and buy.

How much time are we willing to spend on hisbodedus, which we have explained as the whole essence of being human? Shlomo HaMelech says, “A man is measured according to his praise.” If we understand the worth of something, we can connect to it.

Hisbodedus is not a one-time event in our lifetime. It is something which has to become a part of our life. Are we prepared to give up a little of our life for it? Are we prepared to give up our time – as well even some of our ruchniyus (spiritual matters) for it? If one is ready to take hisbodedus on as a part of his life – a total, definite decision – then he will succeed with hisbodedus. Sit down and think calmly: “How much time am I willing to give up from my life to be able to discover my inner world within myself?”

We will give an example of what we mean. If someone would come to you and tell you, “If you want to discover your true self, you will have to give up half your apartment.” Would you be willing to do this?

We all have to ask ourselves this question, because we all have families to take care of, and it’s not so easy to just find time. We have many responsibilities. So we need to really ask ourselves if we are willing to take out time to work on this. Each person must ask himself this question.

In the coming months, with Hashem's help, we will learn more about the great, lofty concept of hisbodedus- the inner solitude which our the Rishonim spoke about.

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QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS WITH THE RAV

QUESTION: What are the limits to how much we need to disconnect from social life?

ANSWER: First of all, you need to make sure that you have a deep love for other Jews before you attempt to have more solitude. Secondly, you need to make sure that you actually feel pain over other Jews’ problems and that you are able to cry about other’s problems. Thirdly, see if you’re doing things for other people. If you have met all these three conditions, then you are able to work on hisbodedus. How much time does a person need for hisbodedus? It depends on each person, and it depends on each personality.

QUESTION: If this is so important, why isn’t it written in the Torah?

ANSWER: It doesn’t state in the Torah that you have to have good middos, and it doesn’t state in the Torah anything about reward in Olam HaBa. Our great rabbis of the past already asked this question, and the answer is because the Torah speaks to us in our language. When a person lives a more inner kind of life, he sees more things in the Torah.

QUESTION: Is it possible to learn about hisbodedus from any sefer, such as learning the sefarim of Breslev, or other recent sefarim?

ANSWER: The problem with learning sefarim is that when people learn them, they usually do not know what the author means, and they end up easily making mistakes. On this, Chazal say, “You shall not learn Torah from sofrim (scribes), and not from sefarim.” We need the “sofrim” (teachers) in addition to the sefarim we have, because the material contained in our sefarim needs to be taught to us in order for us to understand what to do.

QUESTION:  What practical point can we work on as a result from this class?

ANSWER: Think how much time you are willing to take out from your day to work on this.

QUESTION: If a person doesn’t feel a will to set aside time for hisbodedus, what can he do to awaken himself to want it?

ANSWER: By thinking about it more and more, you will be able to awaken a desire for it (by deciding to work on it). Butt if you never think about it, the will to work on it will not come by itself.

QUESTION: The Rav once suggested that listening to music can help you attain inner quiet; how can such a superficial action like listening to music help you reach your soul, which is a totally inner world?

ANSWER: Excellent question. The answer is that there are two ways to reach our inner world: through our inner world itself, and through our outer world as well. So when we use external, superficial factors (such as listening to relaxing music) we are able to access our inner world.