Getting to Know Your Torah - 03 Soul Connection to Torah

“Ner Mitzvah”, “Torah Ohr”, and “Me’ohr”

We will continue to discuss eisek HaTorah (learning Torah) and how one can connect himself to his learning.

Previously [in Chapter One], we explained about the different kinds of connection a person can feel to his learning, and in the previous chapter, we discussed the two parts of our connection to learning, which is to have exertion and enjoyment in learning. As we will continue to discuss these concepts, we will see that there is a lot more to these concepts that we have begun to mention.

There are three levels to the revelation of the Torah. It is written, “Ner Mitzvah V’Torah Ohr” (“A flame is a commandment, and the Torah is the light”). The first level of our connection to our Torah learning is called “Ner Mitzvah”, and the higher level is called “Torah Ohr”.

In a ner, a flame, there is the flame itself, and there is also the light that comes from it. The mitzvos are called a ner\flame, while the spiritual light (ohr) that comes from the mitzvos is the Torah, which is called “Torah ohr”. There is also a higher level, mentioned by Chazal, called “Me’ohr” (illumination): “The “Me’ohr (illumination) of Torah returns one to good.”

So the first level of connecting to the Torah is called Ner Mitzvah, the higher level is called Torah Ohr, and the highest level is called Me’ohr.

Ner Mitzvah: When The Torah Is Seen As Just A “Mitzvah” and Not as “Torah”

It seems that the connection to learning of “Ner Mitzvah” is referring to just the mitzvos, not the Torah; but on a more subtle understanding, Ner Mitzvah refers to the “mitzvah” aspect of learning Torah, in that we are commanded to learn Torah. We are commanded to learn Torah day and night, and we are commanded to review our learning so that it should be clear to us. Thus, we have a mitzvah to learn Torah, and this is described as “Ner Mitzvah”, the “mitzvah” to learn the Torah.

We need to understand that there are three levels of how we connect to the Torah. One can be connected to the Torah either through Ner Mitzvah, or a higher level, Torah Ohr, or through the highest level, Me’ohr.

The Torah of Before the Sin, After the Sin, and the Future

To be general, there are three levels to our existence: before the sin, after the sin, and the level of the future (which will be the situation of the Next World).

The first level of connection to Torah is when we were before the sin, which is the level of “Torah Ohr”.

After the sin, our connection to Torah is [initially] through the level of “Ner Mitzvah”.

In the future, our connection to Torah will be called “Me’ohr”, which will be the great light that returns everyone to good.

There is a well-known concept of “Olam, Shanah, and Nefesh” (world, time and soul), which means that all concepts which take place in our world also take place in time, and all concepts of time take place in our soul as well. In time, the future will only be the time that is the future, but in our soul, the level of the future is experienced through Shabbos, because Shabbos is called the ‘resemblance of the World To Come”. So our soul can already be connected to the future, even though it is not the full level of the future.

Therefore, when we refer to the Torah of the future, which is Me’ohr, this is not limited to the “future” per se. In our soul, we can be connected to the future Me’ohr, albeit not fully. Even if one does reach it fully, the degree of Me’ohr of the Torah that he reaches can still have an effect on him and return him to good.

Our Torah Learning Is Bound To Time

The level of the connection to Torah that we can see clearly revealed in our world is that of Ner Mitzvah; this is the level that most people are experiencing. The higher level of connection, Torah Ohr, is hidden from most people, and the level of Me’ohr is almost completely out of access from anyone, although it certainly exists, it is very, very hidden from people.

(Me’ohr is reminiscent of the “hidden light” (ohr haganuz) that Hashem put away for the tzaddikim in the future. Where did Hashem hide it? A view in the sefarim hakedoshim is that it was hidden away in the Torah, and this is called the Me’ohr of the Torah which returns people to good.)

There is a certain fundamental which the Maharal discusses at length. Chazal[1] state that during the time that a person is doing a mitzvah, the mitzvah protects him [from the evil inclination], but it does not protect him if he is not currently involved with the mitzvah. Learning the Torah, however, protects a person and saves him, whether he is learning it or whether he is not learning it.What is the reason behind this difference?

The depth is because a mitzvah protects a person within time, for there is a time to do every mitzvah. Some mitzvos are not bound to time, but generally, mitzvos are a concept within time, thus, their merit is bound to time. For example, the mitzvah of tzedakah is not bound to any certain time; one always has a mitzvah to give tzedakah. But that doesn’t mean that one fulfills a mitzvah of tzedakah every second.

So a mitzvah can only protect a person during the time he learns it, and the essence behind this matter is, because a mitzvah is a “time” concept. Similarly, Chazal[2] say (according to one opinion) that in the future, the mitzvos will disappear.

By contrast, one of our 13 principles of belief is that the Torah will never be exchanged, and this shows us that Torah is not a time-bound mitzvah. The Rambam says that everyone must learn Torah, poor or wealthy, big or small, healthy or sick; this is because Torah, in its essence, is Torah Ohr - not Ner Mitzvah.

The Ner Mitzvah aspect of Torah refers to the good actions that result from one’s learning; “Great is learning Torah, for it brings one to actions”,[3] therefore a person must interrupt his learning for a mitzvah that no one else can fulfill. This is a kind of learning Torah that is bound to a certain time, for there can come a time where he must not learn Torah, and he must instead extend himself to doing a certain mitzvah. This is the kind of Torah learning that came into existence only after the sin.

The Torah of after the sin is a Torah that fell from its original level (and in deeper language, it became wrapped in a garment) to the plane of time. Therefore, even the mitzvah to learn Torah is bound to the level of time, as we see that certain mitzvos obligate a person to interrupt his learning.

How can it be a mitzvah can be more important than learning, when we know that the rule is that Torah learning is the most important mitzvah? The simple answer is because one has to act upon his learning, so if he doesn’t act upon his learning, it shows that something is missing from his learning. That is true, but there is a deeper answer: It is because Torah learning is currently on the level of a mitzvah, “Ner Mitzvah” - therefore, it is possible for a mitzvah to be more prominent than Torah learning.

Interrupting One’s Learning: A Misconception Towards The Torah

Chazal say that if one interrupts his learning, the Torah is like “torn pieces” to him. Now we can have deeper understanding of this statement. When one keeps learning Torah but he interrupts it constantly, he views it with an attitude of disconnection. It’s possible that a person learns Torah all day, but if he keeps interrupting it, it is because his attitude towards the Torah is a broken kind of connection. He learns Torah during the “time” he learns it, but not in the time that he’s not learning it.

It’s even possible that a person is always keeping the six constant mitzvos, yet it is all within time - and not beyond that. The mitzvah for a person to be immersed in learning Torah “day and night” is not like the nature of the mitzvah to say Kerias Shema by day and night! In its essence, the Torah has no set time to it.

Thus, when a person learns Torah and interrupts it, not only is his learning on the level of Ner Mitzvah and not Torah Ohr; it is a more subtle problem – it shows that his very attitude to Torah is that Torah is merely a mitzvah to him and nothing more than that level. Thus, his Torah is like “torn pieces” to him, because he has “torn up” the level of “Torah Ohr” and he has brought it down to the lower level of “mitzvah”.

For this reason, when a person learns Torah, and he sees in it various letters, words, sefarim, and tractates – he may just see it all as separate matters from each other. It is “torn up” to him - because he views the Torah as merely a mitzvah.

It’s possible that a person is learning Torah his whole life on the level of “mitzvah”, and not on the level of “Torah”! For his whole life, maybe he kept all the mitzvos, and surely he did the greatest mitzvah of all of learning Torah, but he never experienced the essence of Torah learning! He learned Torah his whole life with the perspective that it was “a mitzvah”. Of him, it can be said that “the Torah only protects him while he’s learning”, and not while he isn’t learning, because to him, Torah is a mitzvah (which can only save someone from danger if he’s currently involved in a mitzvah) - not Torah.

The Midrash recounts that when the Angel of Death tried to take the life of Dovid HaMelech, it couldn’t get to him, because he was in the midst of learning Torah, which was protecting him. The question is, doesn’t the Torah protect a person whether he is learning it or not? The deep answer is: Now that we live after he sin, the Torah right now is on the level of “mitzvah”, not “Torah”, therefore, our current Torah learning now cannot protect a person if he’s not learning it.

Torah Ohr: Viewing The Torah As Your Essence

This must give us a new perspective towards our Torah learning. There is certainly a mitzvah for us to learn Torah, which we are obligated in us, but this must not be our entire attitude towards learning. There is a more inner layer to our learning.

We need to understand what the difference is between the lower level of learning, Ner Mitzvah, and the higher attitude towards learning, which is called Torah Ohr.

What is the difference between a ner (flame) and ohr (light)? A ner is only lit temporarily, while ohr is the actual light.

One who is on the level of ner might also experience some ohr, but it’s only a temporary kind of ohr. The kind of ohr we have today gets extinguished when the ner is extinguished – our ohr is dependent on our ner. The level of Torah Ohr, by contrast, is when the ohr is intrinsic and lasting.

To explain the difference more, Ner Mitzvah means that a person views his learning as merely another part to reality, while Torah Ohr is when a person views Torah as the one single reality that exists.

To illustrate, if 1,000 people die, that does not mean that the entire congregation died; rather, many individuals died. If one looks at Torah as another individual aspect of reality, it is relating to the Torah as Ner Mitzvah. If one looks at Torah as the reality that can never cease, it is Torah Ohr.

Thus, if one connects to his Torah learning through his body - through his physical mind - he views the Torah as an entity that can cease, for the body ceases. Of course, the Torah can never be extinguished, but his own personal connection to the Torah can be extinguished, when he has this perspective.

There is a deep point in the soul which is eternal, “The eternity of Yisrael does not lie”[4], the eternal reality of one’s soul that never ceases; if one relates to the Torah in this way as well, he is connected to the greater reality that is the Torah, the reality that includes all other realities in it.

Changing Our Attitude Towards Learning

In the beginning of life, a person experiences life through his body. A child is taught how to speak, and he is also taught how to learn Torah. He learns Torah through his logic, thus, his entire learning is being experienced through the same physical orientation. When one remains that way in his learning, his entire connection to learning will be fleeting and impermanent.

This is actually the root of why people struggle in their Torah learning. Their connection to their learning is being felt through the same kind of connection that they have with the world, for the most part. People are connected to the world and they are also using their power of connection to connect to the Torah; they are using their very same power of connection for opposite goals. What happens? A struggle ensues: Choosing what the Torah wants from me vs. Choosing to go after This World.

It is written “A righteous person falls seven times and then rises”, but there are people who never get up from their falls, because their entire connection to learning is coming from the same part in their soul that is used to connect to the world.

We can compare this to a person who one day likes pepper, and the next day he likes cheese. If his tastes changed, does that mean anything has really changed? It’s the same exact experience of connection, just, the variables change.

So the problem that many people have in their learning is that they are connecting to their Torah learning from the same place in themselves that they use to connect to the world (although the love for Torah is certainly a deeper kind of love).

In contrast, if someone learns Torah with the understanding that the Torah was already here before Creation, he connects to Torah from a different and deeper place in his soul. He is connected to the Torah from his essence, from the Torah that came before the world, the reality that is forever which never changes. If one connects to Torah in this way, his connection to Torah is the absolute connection.

To understand this clearer: usually, a person does not work on himself to change his orientations, so the body remains dominant his whole life over his soul. Let’s say a person goes to learn Daf HaYomi every day and then he goes back to his house and learns Hilchos Shabbos; still, he might not have any inward connection to Torah his whole life! He will goes his whole life “learning” the Torah, but he has no connection whatsoever with the Torah he learns!

Absorbing this deeply will shake a person to the core, but the point of the discussion here is that one should realize that he needs to open his soul and thus reveal a deeper connection to his learning.

The question of all questions is: Does one’s connection to his learning come from his body, or from his soul? This is the inner questioning that each person needs to ask himself.

We all have a body and a soul. Torah is the “soul” of the world. If a person who is still stuck in his body and he hasn’t revealed his soul - what is his level of connection? Of him it can be applied the statement “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world” – he only connects to the “created” aspect of the world, the bodily aspect of the world, the “body” of the Torah and not the soul. For example, when he learns about the laws of a bull goring another cow (Chapter Four of Tractate Bava Kamma) he is caught up in the bodily aspect of it, and although he is learning the halachos of this scenario, he is mainly learning about it through his body, so he sees the information of the Torah in terms of the body.

Even when he learns the more inner parts of Torah, which always speak about a moshol (parable), and a nimshal (lesson), he will only get the moshol and miss the nimshal, because he only learns Torah through his body, and the body can only understand a moshol, never a nimshal.

But when a person reveals that he is a soul, and thus realizes that it is his soul which is learning Torah, of him Chazal say -“The Torah will reveal to him her secrets”.

We must come out of the superficial perspective that we are used to when we were children. We were all taught as children that Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world, that Torah is a very important mitzvah, that every second of learning Torah is precious, etc. All of these statements are true, but we understood them only superficially. There is more depth to these matters that we must uncover!

An “Intellectually Stimulating” Connection To Torah Vs. A Soul Connection To Torah

We make a blessing over the Torah each morning that we should have eisek (involvement) in it as well as to have areivus (sweetness) in it. In learning Torah, there is the actual learning Torah (called “eisek”), and there is also the sweetness (areivus) that a person can have in learning Torah. The areivus in learning Torah is essentially the taanug (pleasure) of the soul that we can have in his learning.

If a person lives life only through his physical body, he can also have areivus\sweetness in his Torah learning, but it’s still on the level of the body. He will find the Torah to be intellectually stimulating after all, even a non-Jew or an irreligious Jew can enjoy a lesson from the Torah. But he won’t form a soul connection to his Torah learning.

(If he is very materialistic, though, he won’t enjoy it even intellectually, because he only knows of sensual pleasure, not intellectual pleasure. But as long as a person knows how to enjoy intellectual matters, there is no reason why he shouldn’t enjoy learning the Torah; why not? In our generation, though, perhaps this isn’t so common anyways, because the world today is so immersed in materialism. But in previous generations, when the world wasn’t that immersed in material pleasures, it was very possible for even a non-Jew to enjoy learning Torah and to find it intellectually stimulating.)

When Hashem gave the Torah at Har Sinai, their souls left them for every expression they heard from Hashem. The depth of this is that their soul is what received the Torah. The soul wants a total connection with Torah, with no body to conceal it, therefore, the soul wanted to escape our body by the giving of the Torah. The giving of the Torah was experienced by our soul, not our body. Our body was purified then, yet even so, it was not the body which received the Torah. Only the soul can receive the Torah.

We are currently after the sin. By Har Sinai we returned to the pre-sin state, but after the sin with the Golden Calf, we once again fell back into the post-sin state. The only way to connect to the Torah is through our soul. We cannot have a true connection to the Torah through the outer parts of our existence that became affected by the Eitz HaDaas Tov V’Ra (Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil), which represents the human desire for knowledge, a desire which really stems from one’s physical body. Such Torah learning is not guaranteed for a person to last with him, and of this Chazal say, “If one does not merit, it (the Torah) becomes deadly poison to him.”

Why Learning Torah Doesn’t Always Have An Effect

We, the Jewish people, have been living for thousands of years already. We do not always see that Torah learning automatically improves every person who learns it. Why is this so?

When a person learns Torah shelo lishmah - for ulterior motives - he is really learning Torah through his body. It is not simply that he has impure motivations. Shelo lishmah is really a deeper problem: one’s entire learning is experienced through his body. He will never reach the perspective of Torah Ohr; he will only know of Ner Mitzvah.

When a person learns Torah lishmah, though, then he learns Torah with his soul. This is the “elixir of life” that is the Torah.

All people have some spark of the soul already revealed. It is that point which each person has to use in order to learn Torah.

Chazal say that shelo lishmah leads to lishmah; therefore, one can learn Torah on the level of mitzvah yet have aspirations to get to the level of Torah. But each person has to use his small revealed spark of the soul, whereupon it can expand more.

There is a kind of lifestyle we are used to from the street, and there is an inner kind of life we need to form for ourselves. The inner kind of life we can live is to expand what has already been revealed within ourselves, which is ohr, and we can awaken it further.

For this reason, we can find many people who are learning Torah all day, yet they aren’t finding the great revelations of understanding in the Torah which they hope to find. Why is it that so many people are learning a lot of Torah, yet they aren’t succeeding at uncovering its depth?

In today’s times, there is a lot of Torah learning going on – the amount of people learning today is astounding; the numbers are big, but the actual light of the Torah (the “Torah ohr”) is rarely found. This is not just because we are lacking physical purity today. It is because most of our learning is only involving our body, and not our souls.

To illustrate, if a person wants to put on Tefillin, and he doesn’t know which hand is right or his left, he first has to know what his right hand is and what his left hand it, and then he can apply his knowledge about Tefillin. So too, when a person learns Torah, he must first define who he is, which part of himself he needs to use to connect to the Torah.

The Next Step of the Inner Clarification

One must ask himself: What is my connection to learning Torah? Is it (1) Because it’s a mitzvah to learn Torah? (2) Because I want to utilize my time? (3) Because I want reward? [Or another reason, like to gain honor?]

Which part of oneself is one using to connect to his learning? That is the question one must ask himself.

When you spill out a barrel of wine and all of its contents are emptied, there is a stain of wine left in the barrel. The mark that is left there reveals what went on there. Let’s apply this to learning: A person learned Torah for an hour. What mark is left from this on him? How was his soul imprinted?

If he learned Torah entirely for reward or because it was a mitzvah, the mark he is left with is, “This person seeks reward”, or “This person seeks to do more mitzvos.”

There are people who learn Torah only because it’s a mitzvah, and the entire mark that is left on them is, that “learning Torah is a mitzvah”…

It is written, “Those wise of heart take the commandments.” When a person is “wise of heart”, he has the mitzvos, but he also has a certain mark on him left from his wisdom. We need to make sure that our Torah wisdom is leaving the desired mark on us after we learn it, and this will show that the time spent in our Torah learning was well-spent.

This concept should become very clear to a person.

Every person needs to clarify in his soul how he is connecting to Torah – if he is connecting to Torah through his body, or through his soul. We always have both a body and a soul, but the question is, if we are using only our body to connect to the Torah, or if the soul is being allowed into the equation as well.

Our soul inside us already knows exactly f what the importance of Torah is. When a person connects to the Torah from his soul, he becomes a maayan hamisgaber, a “mighty wellspring.” When a person learns Torah only from his body, he learns “more” and “more” Torah, more and more, but he never identifies it yet as his essence. He will always need “more”, because he never “gets” it in the first place – he never connects to the Torah with his soul, so he doesn’t receive its light, and that is why he always feels like he is lacking in Torah.

Me’ohr: Searching For The Source

The highest level of connection to Torah is Me’ohr (illumination). What exactly is the Me’ohr of the Torah that a person can connect himself to? Me’ohr is from the word mimenu ohr – “where the light comes from.” The ohr has a source to it, and that source is Me’ohr. This is clearly explained by Chazal.

The Me’ohr of the Torah “returns a person to good”. How? When a person learns Torah on the level of Me’ohr, he is always searching where the ohr of Torah is coming from, and he will find that source: Hashem. Thus, the Torah he is learning will return him to Hashem.

Me’ohr is the deeper power in the soul to demand where the source of the ohr is, not what has been revealed so far. With the level of Torah Ohr, a person is involving himself with what is revealed, which is the ohr of Torah. In the higher level, Me’ohr, he is learning from the source, and he will find the source.

Me’ohr is the power to get to the very root of a matter. When a person learns Torah and he only seeks how to act properly from it, he learns it superficially. A more inner person learns Torah even if won’t lead to action; he starts from the root of a matter, and he finds the ohr in it, until he reaches the “Ner Mitzvah” aspect, which is how to act properly. But Me’ohr is when a person is not satisfied until he gets to the innermost root of a matter.

When a person doesn’t have this yearning, he thinks he knows the the root of a matter. But when a person has a yearning for Me’ohr, he keeps digging deeper and deeper into the root of the matter - until he gets to the root of the root.

Me’ohr is for a person to ask: What is the source of the ohr? Superficially, this means for a person to research the possuk or the source in Chazal for a matter he learns. But Me’ohr is not just about finding sources. It is about finding the innermost source to something. It is when one’s soul has no rest until he gets to the very root of a matter.

This is a power which can apply to all of life, but here we are discussing it with regards to learning Torah. In every part of Torah one learns, in any sugya, if one makes sure to always seek the innermost root behind a matter, he will get to that root. This is achieved by constantly probing the matter.

When one reveals this power, the Me’ohr of the Torah will “return him to good”. This does not just mean that it will return him to Hashem; that is true, but it is more than that. It is that he has a revealed ability to look for the root of a matter.

When a person finds the root of a matter, he usually remains complacent, and he continues onto another matter. This shows that he didn’t really want to get to the root of the matter; he just wanted to have a complete picture of the matter. When he gets to the root, he relaxes and takes it easy, thinking he has gotten to the root of the matter, so he continues to learn something else. But Me’ohr is that a person does not find solace until he finds the very source of the information.

We have a power to search for the very innermost root of information. Just as Hashem comes before anything, do does our soul mimic this aspect of Hashem, the power to get to the innermost source. This is the deeper meaning of how the Me’ohr of Torah returns a person to good.

In Conclusion

So there are three levels of our connection to the Torah. “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world” – the connection of Ner Mitzvah to Torah refers to the Creation that Hashem created from the Torah; Torah Ohr refers to the Torah which Hashem looked into to create the world, and Me’ohr refers to Hashem, Who is the source of the Torah Ohr.

In terms of how this applies to our soul, Ner Mitzvah is for one to connect himself to Torah only in the temporal; he is connected to Torah only through his body. His Torah learning will be like a ner, a candle, which eventually becomes extinguished.

Torah Ohr is when one connects to the Torah from his inner essence, his soul, and thus he reveals the ohr of Torah when he learns it.

The highest aspect of connection to Torah is Me’ohr, to look into the root of the ohr – as Avraham Avinu did, when he wondered Who created the world.

This does not mean for one to search inside oneself, but rather to search for the source of oneself, which is beyond the self. It is that source in which one can find the Me’ohr of Torah.

The essence if a person is called his havayah (essence), but there is a power in the soul to search for the root of my havayah, for what comes before my existence, for the source from which all comes from. It is to understand that Torah came before Creation, therefore, the Torah came before my own havayah.

The depth of asking our scholars to teach us the Torah is not just to find out the knowledge of the Torah; it is to find out what came before me. It is to realize: Torah does not begin with me - it began already before me.[5]