Getting to Know Your Torah - 05 Individuality in Torah

“Torah Ohr”: Learning Torah Through Our Neshamah

Earlier, we mentioned the three levels of Torah – Ner Mitzvah, Torah Ohr, and Me’or Sheboh. We explained the first level, which is Ner Mitzvah. Now, we will explain the second level, Torah Ohr.

In Torah, there is an ohr(light) and a kli (container) which holds the ohr. Torah also represents the neshamah (soul), while the mitzvos represent our body. So the ohr of Torah is parallel to the Torah we learn with our Neshamah, while the mitzvos of our body is parallel to Torah learned with our body.

When Adam learned Torah in Gan Eden, such learning was on a level of Neshamah. After the sin of Adam, learning Torah fell to the level of the body (but a person can work on himself individually to get back to learning Torah on the level of Neshamah). The perfected kind of Torah learning is when we learn on the level of Neshamah, as opposed to the level of the body, which are represented by the mitzvos we do with our physical body.

What is the difference between learning Torah on the level of the soul or at the level of the body?

We can compare this to a candle, which takes a flame and limits it to where it is being held in. If a person’s learning is on the level of the body, he takes the light of Torah and limits it to his current level.

Chazal say that mitzvos protect a person from sin during the time he does the act of the mitzvah, while learning Torah protects a person even when he’s not in middle of learning.[1] The deeper reason behind this is because the Torah’s wisdom isn’t limited to where the person is. An action of a mitzvah is something that is gone once it’s over, but Torah, which is the eternal wisdom, stays with you permanently. Actions are here when they are taking place, but wisdom stays with you.

Viewing the Torah as Your Essence

To deepen this discussion more, there are two kinds of learning – simply “learning” Torah per se, superficially, or to learn and experience the essence of Torah is.

If a person is only connected to learning Torah during the actual time he is learning, his learning is just like a mitzvah to him that he does, and not beyond that level. But if a person is connected to the essence of Torah, then he is connected to the Torah even when he isn’t actually learning it. These are two aspects of learning – simply “learning” Torah, which is a superficial connection to one’s learning, and intrinsic connection to the Torah, which is the real connection to one’s Torah learning.

To give a deeper definition, there are two points in our soul. The lower, non-spiritual point of the soul thinks that “I” come first, therefore, “I” must learn Torah. The higher, spiritual part of the soul, though, is aware of what came before “I” came into existence, and it knows that Torah was really around even before “I” existed.

With the lower perspective, the person feels that he has been around before learning; after all, he thinks, the mitzvos only came after human beings came into existence.

But when a person has the inner attitude, which is that Torah is not just “learning Torah” per se, but that it is the very essence of all existing things – he views the Torah as “Torah”, not merely as a mitzvah. He is learning with an attitude that that Torah has been around before him; the Torah indeed was created before the world, as Chazal state, “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world.”

There is a huge difference between the two attitudes one can have toward learning.

When a person looks at Torah just as a mitzvah – in other words, he learns Torah, but he isn’t connected to it when he doesn’t learn – then he is really saying that the mitzvah of learning Torah is a result produced from his own doing.

But if a person is connected to the Torah even when he’s not learning it, he is aware that the Torah is his root; he is aware that he is connecting to something which has been around before he existed. That is why Torah protects a person from sin even when he’s not actually learning it.

The depth behind learning Torah is to connect to one’s very essence – to view the Torah as your intrinsic existence. It is not enough to “talk” in learning or to “think” in learning all the time; that is still not the depth of learning Torah. The depth of learning Torah is for one to realize: “The Torah is the connection I have with my actual essence!”

The mitzvos we do are spiritual containers (keilim, plural for “kli”\container) which we put things into. The mitzvos are the expression of the Torah; it is how our soul enters something. But learning Torah is not merely to enter the Torah; it is to connect to your essence. Mitzvos are not “you” – they are actions which you do, but they are not the actual “you.” Only the Torah is “you.”

The question is: When a person learns Torah, is he aware that the Torah is where his very essence can be found? Is the knowledge he sees in the Torah considered by him to be his essence?

If a person has that attitude towards his learning, he experiences the essence of Torah. But if he doesn’t yet have that attitude, his learning is merely a mitzvah to him, and it is not called “Torah” by him, just “mitzvos.”

Earlier[2], we mentioned the two stages of learning: ligmar, and lisbar. Now we can understand these concepts deeper. The initial stage of learning, ligmar, is learning Torah on the level of “mitzvos.” Lisbar is when one learns Torah as “Torah”, when he identifies Torah as his essence.

If a person learns Torah but he doesn’t connect to his essence through his learning, his learning is only like a container (kli) which can hold things, but it is not yet called “Torah Ohr.” He has the container – but he doesn’t have yet the spiritual light (ohr) that goes into it.

Each Person’s Unique Part of Torah

Chazal state, “Just as faces are not equal, so are all de’os (ways of thinking) not equal”. There is a unique portion of Torah that each person can reach.[3]

When a person learns Torah, he must reach his uniqueness in his Torah learning, or else he is not connected to the essence of the Torah. In order for a person to really enter the essence of his Torah learning, he must reach his individual share in the Torah. In whatever a person is learning, he can find a certain point in the same Torah that everyone is learning, which is unique for only him to access.

There is a unique portion available to each and every person in all that there is in Creation. Your unique portion can only be accessed by you; no one else can get it. If a person doesn’t reach his unique part in the Torah, his Torah will just be on the level of “mitzvos”, not on the level of “Torah”.

This does not mean of course for to focus only on himself and on his private job of finding his part in the Torah. Torah is not acquired through acted ego-oriented! Learning the Torah is rather a tool for you to get to your personal, unique potential; it is a tool for you to use the klalof the Torahto get to your prat in the Torah. “Kli”, which means “tool”, comes from word “klal”, because you need to use your Torah learning as a kli to get to your prat from the klal.

We ask Hashem, “And give us a portion in Your Torah.” Every person must reach his own unique part in the Torah, and the Torah will then become a tool for him to reach his own essence. The mitzvos are also a tool, but they are a lower kind of tool; the mitzvos help one enter into a matter, but the Torah is a higher tool that can help you reveal your essence.

When a person reaches his uniqueness in his Torah learning, he is able to view the entire Torah with one understanding – he sees a wisdom that applies to him in a unique way, of which there is none other like it in the universe. When he gets to his unique thought in Torah, he has uncovered his individual portion of the Torah, and then he will see all of the Torah as one piece, because all of it reveals his individuality. [Every person has his own unique way of thought in Torah].

“Mesorah” and Beyond

There are two aspects to our Torah learning: the mesorah of Torah as it is, passed down from Moshe to Yehoshua and so forth, which never changes, and the concept of chocham meivin m’daato, “a wise one understands from within himself.”[4] The first part, mesorah, is the “klal”, the collective unit of the Torah, and klal never changes. The second part, “prat”, is each person’s individual part of Torah which he reaches through uncovering his own way of thinking. Just as there mesorah in mitzvos, so is there mesorah in the Torah. But there is also chiddushim (novel ideas) in Torah as well that each person can come up with on his own, which are unique and personal to each Jew.

There is a kind of life which is on the level of “Torah”, and there is a kind of life which is on the level of “mitzvos.” When a person reaches his unique portion of thought in the Torah, his life is a high quality life of “Torah.” He lives a life of chayei olam (eternal life), as opposed to one who only lives on the level of mitzvos, which is chayei sha’ah (temporary life).

What does it mean to always think in learning, as the Ramchal writes, that “the way of the wise is to always think [in Torah] wherever they go”? To always “think in learning” doesn’t just mean to force yourself to think in learning. This can help to build one’s aspirations, but it is not yet the true level of Torah thought. It means to think in Torah because it’s your vitality, no less than your heartbeat.

Learning Torah: Clarifying Your Essence

Every person hears the same “voice of Hashem”, but each person hears it in his own unique way.

When a person learns Torah - which ability in the soul is he using? From which place in his soul is he learning Torah with?

In all of our Avodas Hashem (serving Hashem), our mission is really all about one thing: clarifying our uniqueness, and through that, to come to connect our true self to Hashem. We are thus clarifying our essence more and more when we learn Torah. We are using the ability of the soul called havayah (realizing your existence).

In the beginning of learning, though, this concept can lead one to have gaavah (conceit), because it will make him self-absorbed and haughty when he is busy trying to clarify his essence is Torah. But when a person lives an internal kind of life, he clarifies his essence not because of gaavah, but because his soul yearns to connect himself to Hashem, through the Torah, through his unique part of learning.

This does not mean to try to seek where “I” come into the sugya and to come up with chiddushim on purpose so that one can reach his essence. Rather, one has to see through his learning how he has understood, and how what he has learned differs from what he originally understood.[5]

How can you practically do this? Whatever you come across in your learning, compare your understanding with the truth. “Why is the Gemara or the Rishonim saying differently than me? If they are saying like me, is it exactly as I understood?”

Understanding The Opposite Way of Thinking

However, in addition, in order to discover yourself, you need to see the opposite of how you initially think.

To illustrate, in order for a person to reach his essence, it is not enough to only deal with his actual self. He needs to know the other details about his soul in order to have the complete picture of himself.

The same goes for learning Torah, which is how you get to your essence. It is not enough for a person to only learn his own unique part in the Torah, (which is his uniqueness) – he has to also see the other parts of Torah that aren’t his, so that he can complete all the pieces of the puzzle and thus get the complete picture of himself.

In other words, in order to find your essence – in order to find your unique part in Torah – you can get there only through first learning about the other ways to view the same Torah you are learning, even though they are not “your” part of Torah.

So when you see how you learn and then you see how others learn - you are then able to discover what your part in Torah is.

Sometimes you can see that others have a larger share than you do in Torah, but that shouldn’t deter you, because at least you have discovered your unique part of Torah!

Without having this awareness, a person will always seek to argue with his chavrusa, just for the sake of arguing…

Every soul has its own part in the Torah. Your part of Torah cannot be accessed by anyone else. True, sometimes it appears that the way you are learning is more truthful than what your friend is saying, but the reason for this is because your soul is rooted in the way you are understanding it, therefore, you are more drawn towards understanding it in the way you are understanding. But if you acquire the deeper perspective, you can understand and accept that although you feel you are right, your friend also has a unique way of thinking, and he can also be right, just as much as you can be; because each soul in the Jewish people has a unique part in the Torah.

Of course, you can still defend your way of thinking, because otherwise, you have no way of unique thinking at all. We are speaking of course about someone who seeks truth, and not someone who is trying to reveal his ego.

Clarifying your unique part of Torah is measured against how others think. You need to see how others think and view the same Torah you are learning, and why you think differently; you will then discover your unique part of Torah.

This is the really the depth behind Torah and mitzvos. Torah is called ohr and mitzvos are the kli that we need to hold onto the ohr. One’s unique part in Torah is also called the Torah ohr. It is written, “Wisdom is rooted in ayin\nothingness” – my “Torah ohr” is my own inner wisdom that comes from the ayin, the “nothingness” in the soul, the root of all wisdom in the soul, which no one else can discover, because it is personal to me.

The Torah of your friend should be seen as kli that you can use to help you succeed in learning, because you need to know his way of thinking in Torah as a kli to get to your own ohr of Torah. Of the future, it is written that “no man will teach his friend” - there will be no need to learn Torah from each other, because there will be no more need for kli anymore in order to learn Torah. 

Yehoshua received the mesorah of Torah from Moshe. He received the kli of Torah from Moshe, but he had his own ohr of Torah as well that he reached personally.

Your unique portion in the Torah is called your ohr, and if it’s not your part of the Torah, it is a kli to you.

It’s possible that a person is learning Torah for his entire life yet he’s only learning different “keilim m’keilim shonim” (“all kinds of different vessels”)!

The mitzvos bring us to the Torah, just as the kli brings us to the ohr. The kli of Torah brings one to his unique ohr of the Torah. Therefore, in order to get to your unique role in Torah, your Torah ohr, you first need the kli to get to the ohr; the kli is to view how others think, and through that, you are able to discern how your thinking towards the Torah your learn is unique to you.

In Conclusion

These words need to be deeply clarified within yourself.

It’s shuddering to think that a person can go his whole life learning yet he never even touched upon the ohr of Torah at all, which means that he never tasted of true Torah. May we merit from the Creator to reach it.