Tefillah - 167 Torah of Life

Knowing Your Motivation In Learning Torah

In the blessing of שים שלום, we ask for תורת חיים – to merit the “Torah of life.” At Har Sinai, Hashem spoke to us panim b’panim, face-to-face. In the blessing of Sim Shalom, we ask Hashem to merit His he’aras panim (illuminating countenance) and His “Toras chaim”, the Torah of life.

The Torah is called a Torah of life. When one exerts himself in Torah, it needs to be clear to the person what the lower levels of connection to Torah learning are, and what the higher levels are. He must get to know his motivations really well. Let us see what the levels are, from lowest to highest.

Possible Motivations

The lowest level of Torah learning is called “lomed al menas l’kanter” – one who learns Torah in order to argue and to disprove others. A level higher than this is someone who learns Torah by rote (melumadah), someone who learns Torah only because that’s what he was brought up to do. Higher than this level are those who learn Torah for ulterior motives, such as reasons that are spurred on by jealousy, honor, and desire.  

Jealousy

The motivation of jealousy has two possible scenarios. If a person is learning Torah because he is totally jealous of another person, this is actually another form of “lomed al menas l’kanter”. But there is also a higher kind of jealousy, “kinas sofrim” (“jealousy of scholars”), which makes a person wiser.[1]

Desire

Another motivation in learning Torah is desire. This is when a person learns Torah because he enjoys it and he finds it sweet. This person has hanaah (enjoyment), areivus\mesikus (sweetness) in Torah. He is entirely in it for the satisfying hanaah he gets from it.

Honor

Chazal say, “Learn Torah lishmah (for its own sake), and honor will come in the end.” One should aspire to learn Torah lishmah, but just because this will eventually bring honor to the person doesn’t mean that he should allow this to be his main motivation.

Each of these concepts can be further subdivided, but these are the general motivations in learning Torah: jealousy, desire, or honor.

Aspiring For “Lishmah”

Chazal say to learn Torah and to do mitzvos “shelo lishmah” (for ulterior motives), because it will lead to “lishmah”[2]. This refers to the motivations of jealousy, desire, and honor. A person should learn Torah even for these reasons, for shelo lishmah leads to lishmah.

However, if a person remains at the level of shelo lishmah and he never reveals an element of lishmah in his learning, he will endure the punishment that awaits a person who learns Torah due to jealousy, desire, and honor. The Sages state that “jealousy, desire, and honor take a person out of the world.” These negative traits are dangerous.

If a person is aspiring for lishmah deep down and he’s just not on the level of lishmah at this point in his life, then Chazal say he should indeed learn shelo lishmah, and he can allow the motives of jealousy, desire, or honor to aid him in his ambitions. But if lishmah is not even on his agenda, then his shelo lishmah will not lead him to lishmah, and he will remain with nothing but the negative effects of jealousy, desire, and honor.

But if he learns Torah shelo lishmah and his intention is to arrive at lishmah, his shelo lishmah motivations will help him get there.

Becoming Aware of the “Shelo Lishmah” Motivations

Each person must know the reason why he learns Torah. Not always is a person aware of the reason that is motivating him to learn Torah. It is possible that a person is even learning Torah al menas l’kanter, yet he is totally unaware of this!

When it comes to learning Torah melumadah (by rote), although it is a high level when one learns Torah habitually – as the Kotzker Rebbe explains, based on the blessing of “Shetargileinu B’Torasecha” (“may we be accustomed to Your Torah”) which implies that we should habitually learn Torah without having to think deeply about why we learn Torah – this is a very high and exalted level, which comes at a much later stage. In the beginning of one’s growth in Torah learning, one needs to clarify to himself the reason of why he personally learns Torah.

One must know: “Do I learn Torah in order to disprove others? Do I learn it because that’s what I’ve been trained to do? Do I learn it because I’m motivated by jealousy? Or desire and enjoyment? Or honor?” If the motivation is due to either jealousy, desire, or honor, this falls under the category of shelo lishmah.

This gives a person a “map” of the possible ulterior motivations inside himself. Without becoming aware of the shelo lishmah motivation in oneself, the shelo lishmah will fester and grow bigger, and the person will never reach lishmah.

Several Motivations At Once

An additional factor to consider is that a person is not motivated by one reason alone. There can be percentages of melumadah involved, as well some jealousy involved, or some elements of desire or honor, which are all contributing to his motivations in learning Torah. Most people have several motivations, and the only question is what the percentages of each motivation are.

When our Sages say that one should learn Torah shelo lishmah because this will lead to lishmah, this is only true for someone who is aware of his shelo lishmah motivations. Otherwise, he lives in denial of his shelo lishmah motivations that are really inside himself, and the shelo lishmah will only increase, and he will never arrive at lishmah.

Ahavas HaTorah: Love For Torah

After one has clarified if his reasons in learning Torah are due to either jealousy, desire, or honor, the next step is ahavas HaTorah, love for the Torah.

We must know that there is a big difference between mere desire for the Torah and ahavas HaTorah. When one loves the Torah and he learns it, and he ends up enjoying it too, this is ahavas HaTorah.

Every morning we pray for this, in the blessing of “V’haarev Na”, where we ask Hashem that we should get sweetness in Torah learning. But it is only if the sweetness in learning is coming after the love to learn Torah that the sweetness is considered praiseworthy. Such a sweetness in learning shows that the person is connected to the Torah; the word “areivus” means sweetness, and it also means “connection”, which shows us that true sweetness in Torah learning is a result of being connected to it.

There are many levels of ahavas HaTorah. It is a very general term, but we will try here to present some of more specific applications of ahavas HaTorah. One should get to know the specific kind of ahavas HaTorah that he has.

Dikduk, Cheshbon, and Sevara

When one learns a sugya of Gemara, there are several factors involved: there is dikduk – figuring out exactly what the words are saying; there is cheshbon, to “go over” the discussion; and there is sevara, to try to understand the logic of the words and to offer explanations.[3] A person might love either the dikduk part of learning, the cheshbon part of learning, or the sevara part of learning.

One should know which part of learning he particularly is pulled to. Someone who has merited to reach true ahavas HaTorah loves all of these parts of learning, but if one is not on such a high level of ahavas HaTorah yet, he should at least become aware of which of these parts of learning he enjoys.

So one must know the shelo lishmah reasons that motivate him to learn Torah. Even after a person has started to learn Torah lishmah and he learns it out of ahavas HaTorah, still, there are levels within levels of lishmah. The beginning of lishmah\ahavas HaTorah is either a love for the dikduk, cheshbon, or sevara.

(On a side note, when it comes to sevara, there are many possible kinds of sevara that a person can be drawn to. A person might either love the seder (orderliness) which the severa provides, or he might be attracted to the pilpul (intellectual give-and-take discussions) that is involved in the sevara, or he might appreciate the yashrus (straight-mindedness) of the sevara.)

Learning “Your” Part In Torah

One needs to know what his unique part in Torah is. When one who properly exerts himself in Torah merits a Torah that is “Toraso”, “his Torah”. In order for a person to merit “his” part in Torah, this requires prayer and a sincere desire to learn Torah lishmah, but in addition, it requires a person to know really well which part of learning he is mainly drawn towards (whether it is dikduk, cheshbon, sevara).

When a person is at the beginning of his way in learning, though, he isn’t able to reach “his” part in Torah yet. This is because the lack of exertion in Torah from until now has blocked his heart and he hasn’t yet pursued truth.

But the more a person purifies his intellect through exerting himself in Torah and he is also engaged in purifying his heart through fixing his middos, he will slowly but surely gain the ohr Torah (light of Torah) and acquire chochmas lev (wisdom of the heart), and he will get to know what his unique portion in Torah is.

In order for a person to figure out what his unique portion in Torah is, he needs to be prepared to give himself away entirely for it. Just as it is clear to any bar daas (sensible person) that exertion in Torah learning (with Hashem in front of us) is our main task on this world, so must it be clear to a person what his main portion in Torah is. Therefore, knowing your unique portion in your Torah learning should be your deepest aspiration.

If one learns Torah simply because he sees that everyone else is doing it and because he was raised with the belief that it is very important, this is not nearly enough. Although we believe the words of our Sages about the importance of Torah learning, this is not enough to help a person know what his part in Torah is. Even after one does know “his” unique part in Torah learning, there are more subtleties involved within this specific part, and it’s very possible that the part in Torah which is meant for him to learn is a subtlety within a subtlety.

Understandably, the concept of seeking your personal part in Torah should not be stemming from gaavah (conceit), but from a sincere yearning of the soul, to reach one’s part in Torah.

In summary, one should see which parts of his learning are providing him with ahavas HaTorah, and slowly but surely a person will receive, with siyata d’shmaya, his unique part in the Torah. When one reaches it, it is described as “Your world, you shall see in your life.” To our chagrin, many people learning Torah are not learning their unique part in Torah that is meant for them, and they are instead learning Torah that is meant for others.

The Higher Level of Ahavas HaTorah: A Desire For Hashem’s Light

There is yet a higher stage to traverse.

There are levels within levels of why a person learns Torah. Ahavas HaTorah is not just about a love for dikduk, cheshbon, and sevara. The Torah is called the “Toras Chaim”, the Torah of life, and it is also called “Torah Ohr”, a Torah of light. It is the “ohr panim” (radiance) of Hashem. Hashem is found in the Torah, and when a person merits to exert himself in Torah properly, he receives a higher kind of wisdom, poured down upon him from Hashem.

Thus, there is a higher kind of ahavas HaTorah which is more subtle: a love for the he’aras panim (radiance) of Hashem, which a person merits from his exertion in Torah. One who has the light of his soul revealed in his life has a desire to reach the light of Hashem. It is a desire for ohr, spiritual light.

“Mesikus Peshitus HaTorah”: A Sweetness In The Simplicity of Torah

Sometimes a person merits this ohr as a feeling in the heart, when one learns Torah with “mesikus peshitus HaTorah” – a “sweetness in the simplicity of Torah.” This is not a love for dikduk, cheshbon, or sevara. It is a love for the peshitus of the Torah – to feel a simple bliss in just reading the words of the Gemara.

There were Gedolim who would say that after all of the exertion they spent in learning Torah, their main pleasure in Torah is to simply read a page of Gemara. Sometimes it is can be a sweetness in reading the mere words, and sometimes it is experienced through singing the words in a sweet voice. It is like what Dovid HaMelech said, “Your laws are songs to me.” It is a peshitus (simplicity) in the mesikus (sweetness) of Torah.

“Torah Ohr”

There is an even higher level than this, though, that one can merit: “Torah Ohr”, the Torah of light.

The Torah gives clarity to a person, to the point where a person can feel like he lives in a very “clear world”. This is not just clarity in learning the sugya. It means that that the Torah lights up everything in the person’s life, just as the light of a candle dispels all of the darkness in a dark room. When a person merits the ohr panim of Hashem through his Torah learning, he receives special higher wisdom from Hashem.

This is a very high level which is often concealed from even most people who exert themselves in Torah, but we must know that there is a connection to Torah we can have that goes beyond just knowing it. Instead of viewing it as mere knowledge to us, its informationcan be revealed to us on a soul level.

Seeing The World As A Revelation of The Torah

The more a person reflects with his mind and internalizes in his heart that “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world”, he realizes that only Torah upkeeps the existence of everything. This is not just a fact to know about. It is a concept grasped only through the depth of the da’as in our mind and heart. The entire existence of Creation is empowered by Torah, for Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world. Even the table and chair in front of you is in place only because of the Torah – and in fact, it is all a revelation of the Torah.

This sounds totally abstract and esoteric when we first hear of this. But the more a person reflects about this concept, the matter enters his daas and it can eventually become internalized in the heart, and he receives a whole new perspective towards reality. He will then see existence as entirely the Torah.

The Torah is called the “soul of the world”. The Torah is the essence of reality. When a person grasps this as a reality, he has entered the innermost chamber of Creation. When one realizes that his essence is his soul and that his body is just his garment, he can deepen this understanding and see how the world is like a body that wraps around its “soul”: the Torah.

The Deepest Point: “Hashem, The Torah, and Yisrael Are One”

There is yet an even deeper perspective: to see the world through “Hashem’s view”. The fact that “Hashem looked into the Torah and created the world” is all satisfying “our view” (“mitzideinu”), but there is a higher perspective than this, which is “Hashem’s view” (“mitzido Yisbarach”).[4] 

From “our view”, the fact that Hashem looked into the Torah to create the world essentially means that we can reach a relationship with Hashem through connecting to the Torah. But if one reaches the place of “Hashem, the Torah, and Yisrael are one”, he has reached the point that is above the world, for before Hashem created the world, He was always one. The Torah also existed before creation, and the Jewish people were already conceived in Hashem’s thoughts before the creation of this world.

This point is contained in the very depths of the soul. It is referring to a connection to Hashem and His Torah that comes from the very intrinsic root (“etzem hashoresh”) of our soul; a connection that has been there since before creation.

This connection is only reached through “one who kills himself in the tents of Torah.” What does it mean to ‘die’ over the Torah? It is to ‘kill’ the perception that comes from this world and thereby gain the higher perception that comes from our soul: that we have a connection to Hashem and to His Torah that is intrinsic.

The simple meaning of “One who kills himself in the tents of Torah” is certainly also true: a person must exert himself in Torah very much. But the deeper meaning of it is to remove the body, and reveal the soul – to live a life of the soul towards the Torah, in which we realize that we are “one” with Hashem and with His Torah.

We can remove our “body”, we can remove the world, and this is how we “die” over the Torah: we remove our worldly and bodily perspective, which is like a form of “death”.

In Summary and In Conclusion

This is the depth of the words, כי באור פניך נתת לנו ה' אלוקינו תורת חיים. We must know how we are personally learning the Torah, which was given to us from Hashem.

The first thing we must become aware of is to see if we are perhaps learning it al menas l’kanter (which, to a subtle degree, is found in every soul). We must recognize if there is melumadah in our learning, which there is surely some amount of. We must see the motivations of jealousy, desire, and honor in us, and then it is upon us to aspire for lishmah and try to lessen these ulterior motivations.

Then we need to direct our souls towards ahavas HaTorah – which is either a love for dikduk, cheshbon, or sevara. Even more so, it is upon us to get used to mesikus peshitus HaTorah, to “sing” the Torah. Then we can aspire, if we merit it, to the level of Torah Ohr, where the Torah is giving us clarity in all areas of life. Finally, we can aspire to reach an intrinsic level of connection to Hashem and to His Torah (chad).

This connects us to the “Toras Chaim”, the “Torah of life” – for it is at this level that we realize that the Torah is truly the life-support of Creation. At that level, a person doesn’t even remember that there is such a thing as the world, for he is connected to the deep root that came before Creation and is above it.

This is also the ultimate level of hesech hadaas (removing one’s mind) from this world as one learns Torah. The simpler level of hesech hadaas from the world is when one forgets about the world because he is simply immersed in his learning, but this is still not yet reaching the deepest point of life. It is of course better than the alternative, but there is a far deeper point of life to reach. The deepest point of life is to be directed towards the ohr panim of Hashem - to the intrinsic bond that we have Hashem and the Torah at the very root that preceded creation.

There, a person lives what the “Toras Chaim” really is, where he connects himself to the very Source of life itself: HaKadosh Baruch Hu.