Bilvavi Part 2 - Chapter 09 You Are With Me

The First Stage is where the Soul Demands to Recognize its Creator

We have explained that a person's avodah is to see to it that the knowledge that there is a Creator is fixed in his heart.  As we said, there are two fundamental principles involved.  One principle is that the avodah should essentially be performed through the power of speech.  That is to say, if a person wants to awaken his heart to uncover the awareness that there is a Creator, he must first contemplate the fact that Hashem created each particular thing, but after that, speech must be involved.  He must verbalize the thought, and say, "This object could not have been created by itself; Hashem must have made it..."

The second principle is that one must set aside each day a time devoted to contemplation, as the Ramchal writes in Derech Etz Chaim that one must sit for an hour, being free of all the activities of this world, and think only about this.  Throughout the day, about every half hour, he must reawaken it.

If one of these conditions is lacking, it will be very difficult to apply what we have been discussing.  If one does not devote an hour daily to contemplation, the thoughts throughout the day will have no power.  If one does not verbalize these concepts, the thoughts will just "hover in the air," as Chazal said: "Thoughts have no permanence."

Now we will continue, expand, and progress.

The first stage of avodah, which applies to every single person, is to fix in oneself the principle that there is a Creator.  We mentioned briefly that the sign that one can proceed further is that not only outer reminders and mental habits force him to feel that there is a Creator, but the soul itself demands the constant remembrance of the Creator.  The soul demands what it desires, what it senses to be a source of life.

If one only has a habit because of self-control, the soul will not yet feel any vitality from it, and the inner feeling will not be awakened in a way that it could truly enter one's life.  But once the soul demands it, this feeling certainly has become part of one's life.

We have only been dealing with the very beginning, the knowledge that there is a Creator.  But this is not merely a stepping stone that allows one to progress to the next step.  Rather, this knowledge itself sustains the soul, as we mentioned before: "Chavakuk came and placed the mitzvos on one foundation - ‘and the righteous one lives by his faith.'"  In other words, he gets a sense of vitality from his faith.  The body inhales air, but the inside, the heart, "inhales" faith! 

Just as the body needs material food, so does the soul need spiritual food: "For man does not live on bread alone, but man lives on all that comes from the mouth of Hashem" (Devarim 8:3).  The explanation of the Arizal is known:  The soul receives its vitality from the Divine element in everything.  Naturally, the body, the outer component, receives vitality from physical things, but the soul receives vitality from the element of faith.

If one gets a sense of vitality from other things, and the truth is merely some dry information, one has not uncovered the inner essence of the soul.  But after one has the privilege to live with the knowledge of the Creator, and the soul demands to live with it and experience it, he may progress to the next stage.

Where can the Creator be Found?

What is the next step to be reached?

There are many paths.  The order of growth varies from one person to the next, depending on each individual's stage and level.  Once a person knows that there is a Creator, two questions arise: 1) What are the attributes of the Creator and how do they relate to me?  2) Where can the Creator be found?

In general, we may say that these are the next two areas of avodah.  We will first deal with the second one: where is the Creator found?  Eventually, we will also get to the first area: what is my relationship to the Creator?  That relates to loving Hashem and Divine Providence.

Therefore, after a person has attained an intellectual and inner spiritual awareness that there is a Creator, and derives a sense of vitality from it, he must stop and ask himself: "Where is a Creator found?"

In fact, Shlomo HaMelech already said, "Behold the heavens and the higher heavens cannot contain You" (Melachim I 8:27).  Yirmeyahu the prophet prophesied in the name of Hashem, "Behold, I fill the heaven and the earth, said Hashem" (Yirmeyahu 23:24).  Hashem was, is, and will be.  "You existed before the world was created, and You are after the world was Created."  Just as before creation, Hashem was in every place and every time, so too, after creation, Hashem is everywhere, as Chazal said in their well-known dictum, "There is no place void of Him."

This is essentially the meaning of the words of the Rema in the beginning of the Shulchan Aruch, mentioned above: "‘I have placed Hashem before me.' This is a major principle of Torah and the levels of the righteous who walk before Hashem."

Let us first consider an example from the material world:  A person has a watch, and he places it somewhere, but now he can't remember where he put it.  What does he do?  He begins to look for it.  He goes from room to room, from one drawer to another, and checks to see if the watch is there or not.  Once he notices it, the watch has been found. As long as he doesn't notice it, the watch is still missing.

You cannot observe the Creator with physical eyes!  "For no man can see Me and live!" (Shemos 33:20).  Hashem is a "hidden God" (Yeshayahu 45:15).  It is impossible to see or hear Him, and certainly, one cannot feel Him with one's hands!  How, then, can we know where the Creator is?

To grasp this, we need emunah!  We must have faith in Chazal who informed us that Hashem is everywhere, and we must have faith in the words of the prophets, who wrote in Hashem's name, "I fill the heaven and the earth."

If so, a person's avodah is to reach the true awareness that Hashem is with us in the room, and He is with each person, wherever that person may be.  This is the work of emunah: to settle this emunah in one's heart.  Once a person has attained true faith, he can actually feel that Hashem is present in his heart.  The first thing, though, is emunah!

How do we accomplish this? 

Here, too, we will start with an example from the material world.  If an object is 1000 kilometers away, one cannot see it.  If it is close by, he can see it.  Hence, the inability to see an object stems from the distance between the person and the object.  When there is no such distance, and the person comes closer to the object, he is able to see it.

When it comes to Hashem, the reason we don't see Him is that it says, "No man can see Me and live."  The reason a person does not see Hashem is not that He is in some faraway place.  There is only one reason that Hashem is not perceived:  the soul conceals Him.  Hashem is, so to speak, a kind of Being that cannot be seen.

One may then ask: if I cannot see Hashem, how can I live with the feeling that He is here?

When a person is already pure and Hashem is revealed in his heart, he will no longer entertain such questions.  But until one reaches this state, the matter is only one of faith.  He trusts Chazal, so he knows that Hashem is present where the person is.  He cannot see Hashem, but he does have faith.

However, we have mentioned above that there are two kinds of faith: the knowledge of the intellect and the emunah of the heart.  Emunah of the heart is the ability to recognize that this is the absolute fact, as when one feels a thing with the hand.  If one knows that there is a G-d Who has no body or corporeal concepts, Who has no beginning or end, and so on, it is clear to him that Hashem must be present wherever one is.

But the question is, how do we awaken the soul to this simple recognition that Hashem is present? 

Awakening the Soul through the Power of Speech

As we mentioned before, avodah must always be accompanied with the power of speech.  Here, too, we must use this power.

A person must sit during his hour devoted to contemplation (as discussed above) and ask himself, "Where is Hashem?"

He should respond to himself, "Hashem is here, right next to me!"  He then should say to himself, "Can I see Him?" "No!"  "Do I believe that it is so?"  "Yes!"  "If I believe it is so, but I do not sense it, how can I live with it?"

This is how he should present the question to himself.  The answer he must provide to himself is that the reason he doesn't sense Hashem here is that he is too focused on himself.  If one will only stop thinking about himself all the time and stop his self-absorption, he will naturally sense Hashem.

Chazal said concerning a conceited person (Sukkah 5a), "Hashem says, ‘We cannot live together in the same world.'"  What does that mean?  Hashem fills the entire world, and there is no place devoid of Him.  Can we imagine that Hashem is really not present where the conceited person is found?

Of course, He is there, as He is everywhere, but Chazal are telling us that He cannot be felt in this place.  It is not that He is not there, but one's conceit prevents the awareness of His existence!

If so, the reason each and every one of us does not feel Hashem is conceit, which is possessed by each person in one way or another.  Seemingly, we should recommend now that one should start working on the trait of conceit.

However, in order to achieve true humility, one must feel the Creator, and in order to feel the Creator, one must be humble.  This seems to be a vicious circle, and one is left wondering how to attain the awareness that the Creator is with him.

We know that the reason we are prevented from attaining this recognition is that the soul has a strong sense of self, which causes one to be involved and absorbed in himself.  The way to attain the recognition of Hashem is through words and prayer.

A person should turn to Hashem and speak directly to Him, saying, "Master of the World, I am here.  Are You also here?  Certainly!  Can I see You, Master of the World?  Certainly not!  I cannot see You!  But this much is clear: I am here, and You are also here.  I don't feel that You are here.  I just know it, because I trust in the words of Chazal."  

A person should take this sentence and repeat it with deep sincerity.  He should say to Hashem, "I don't see You, but I believe You are right here.  I don't see, but I believe that you are right here."

When a person says this sentence, it must emerge from the depths of his soul - not from the intellect that knows that Hashem must be here, but from the inner feeling of emunah that Hashem is here.  It's not that the person feels it yet, but the soul trusts Chazal who taught that Hashem is present.

Contemplation through Illustrations

So as to make this idea more comprehensible, let us imagine that right now, Moshe Rabbeinu is in our house, and we have the privilege to sit with him and talk to him.  Suddenly, we see him lift his arm, and from the movement of the arm, it seems that he is shaking someone's hand.  We look around, but we don't see anybody.  We ask him, "Whose hand did you shake?" and he answers simply, "Eliyahu HaNavi's."

If these words would come explicitly from the mouth of Moshe Rabbeinu, anyone with simple faith would believe him that in fact Eliyahu HaNavi is present here.  If an ordinary person would say such a thing, we could disregard his words and say that he is fantasizing.  Moshe Rabbeinu, though, is on a much higher level than Eliyahu HaNavi.  Is there any doubt if he could see Eliyahu?  Of course he could see him.  Anyone would believe Moshe Rabbeinu if he says that Eliyahu is here in the room.

This faith would not only be in the mind.  The soul would also be completely convinced that Eliyahu is here!  If Moshe Rabbeinu says so, it must be the fact.  And he didn't merely say so.  We clearly see his hand reaching out to grasp a hidden hand.  We clearly see Moshe Rabbeinu acting in a way that indicates that Eliyahu is here.

This was our illustration.  If this is the case with regard to Eliyahu HaNavi, one must understand that the belief that Hashem is here is more simple and clear than the faith that Eliyahu is here! 

Thus, a person must use examples to attain the awareness that Hashem is certainly here.

We will provide another example.  A person is sitting in a room near a wall.  He is engrossed in his studies, and he has his chair and shtender (book stand).  Suddenly, someone comes from behind and places his hand on this person's shoulder.  When he feels it, he is briefly taken aback.  He says to his friend who just entered, "I didn't hear you come in."  He was so engrossed that he didn't hear that someone entered the room.

What can a person derive from this example?  It was possible for someone to walk around in his room, and even make noise, and yet he didn't hear a thing!  Why was this?  Because his mind was engrossed in something else.  Therefore, his sense of hearing was not alert and free to hear.  

One may ponder these examples and say to Hashem, "It is clear to me that although I cannot, with my bodily senses, perceive Your presence here, I believe, and wish to believe even more, and to feel, that You are right near me.  "Even when I walk in the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil."  Why? "Because You are with me."

One should take this point and repeat it with simple phrases, time and again, using one example, and then another.  He should say to Hashem, "I don't feel it, but I know You are here, just as I know that there are bacteria in the room that I cannot see or feel.  Master of the World, I want to feel that You are near me!"

A person awakens in the morning and goes to the bus stop and waits there.  He should think to himself (and if no one else is there, he can even speak this quietly), "Master of the World, am I alone, or are You with me?  Does someone see what I am doing now, or not?  Master of the World, I am not alone; You are with me and You see what I do."

And so, throughout the day, one must remind himself at intervals of the existence of the Creator, and speak to Him for a minute or two.  Understandably, all this is provided that there is already the base of the one hour of the day, in which the person takes this point and develops it.  On this base, one can return to the matter time after time, even repeating the very same words, because he knows that these words are the essence of his life.  Although he doesn't yet feel it, he intellectually knows that this is a vital matter.

May Hashem help each of us to truly seek his Creator, and gradually, by seeking sincerely, may we merit feeling the proximity of Hashem and cleaving to Him for all the days of our lives.