Fixing Your Water - 010 Drinking Issues

Desires Stemming From Water-of-Water-of-Water: Addictive Drinking

We will continue now with Hashem’s help to discuss desires which stem from water-of-water. Previously we discussed earth-of-water-of-water, which are desires that are addictive in their nature. Now we will discuss water-of-water-water, which refers to the specific addiction for drinking – the “water” aspect that is within water-of-water.

Desires stemming from our element of water, as we explained earlier, are desires which ‘drag’ a person after them. When desire is ‘dragging’ a person towards drinking certain beverages, these desires are stemming specifically from water-of-water-of-water.

The desire for drinking [and we are talking about real ‘drinks’, i.e. alcoholic beverages, as opposed to ‘soft drinks’] is actually one of the most powerful desires that exist in the world.

Four Applications

The desire itself for drinking (water-of-water-of-water) can further subdivide into four different applications, each of them stemming from one of the four elements (earth, water, wind and fire). So there is (1) Earth-of-Water-of-Water-of-Water, (2) Water-of-Water-of-Water-of-Water, (3) Wind-of-Water-of-Water-of-Water, (4) Fire-of-Water-of-Water-of-Water.[1] 

Always Drinking With Other People

If people are sitting together on a regular basis to drink – sometimes they regularly sit together to enjoy sweet beverages, but it is mainly with alcoholic beverages – these kinds of desires are being fueled by a sense of permanence, for they are on a regular and set basis. Permanence is the nature of earth, thus, sitting down with others on a regular basis to drink is a desire that stems in particular from the “earth” aspect of water-of-water-of-water.

In this scenario, the person drinks beverages with others on a set basis, not necessarily because he wants to become intoxicated, but simply because it has become a fixed part of his schedule to drink in the company of others. These are people who regularly sit down with each other to have a drink.

Drinking To Become Disconnected

Another scenario of drinking is when a person becomes ‘dragged’ after the desire for drinking to the point that he becomes totally intoxicated and he loses his da’as (logical mind). Not only is he dragged after drinking as in the previous scenario; he goes even further than this, allowing himself to get intoxicated.

At this point, he has gotten so ‘dragged’ after the drinking that he isn’t even thinking anymore as he drinks. These desires are stemming from the “water” aspectof water-of-water-of-water, because he has a desire for the drink itself, and not merely because he sits with others and has a drink with them, as in the previous case.  He wants to drink so that he can get drunk.

Why does he desire to get drunk, though? Being intoxicated makes a person lose his da’as; a person who gets drunk in order to get drunk is doing so because he wants to lose his da’as. The absence of his da’as leaves him with nothing but a total involvement in his desire for the drink; thus, his desire to drink stems from “water” of water-of-water-of-water.

Drinking To Act Crazy

A different scenario is when a person drinks wants to get drunk, so that he can let loose and perform. The deeper look at this is that he drinks because he mainly wants to experience a looseness in his movements; so it is a desire for movement, which is rooted in wind. Since this ‘wind’ is within the context of the desire for drinking (water-of-water-of-water), it is coming from wind-of-water-of-water-of-water in himself.

Drinking Out of Inner Emptiness

When the desire to drink stems from fire-of-water-of-water-of-water, it is when a person is being dragged after a desire because he feels empty inside. In other words: when his desire for drinking is being caused by some negative feeling. This is similar to the nature of fire, which causes things to becoming dried out; in the soul, it can cause a person to feel ‘dried out’ and thus he feels some degree of emptiness inside himself.

This is different from simply getting caught up in a desire to drink, which stems from the “water” aspect within water-of-water. When the desire to drink is stemming from a feeling of inner emptiness, it is coming from the “fire” aspect within water-of-water. For example, when a person is alone in his house and he feels a need to drink, he feels empty inside, and that is why he feels a need to drink. This can happen after a person sins; the sins cause a person to feel empty inside.

For this reason, many people who are bored and who feel empty inside themselves will often look for something to eat and drink, to ease their boredom. It resembles a fire, which is the root of the nature to demand things.

His inner emptiness can cause him to feel so bored that it can to the point of roaming the streets and getting into fights with people; he might even kill someone, simply because he is bored with himself. Most people, of course, do not actually get to that point; but the person can still feel like he wishes he could get into a fight and maybe kill a person.

Many people definitely develop an intense inner ‘hunger’ or ‘thirst’ all the time in their souls, even though they are not really physically hungry or thirsty, and they can get into a lot of fights with others along the way as they are feeling empty inside themselves. This kind of person has become so bored and empty inside himself that he is apt to wander the streets aimlessly. The fire of his soul has gotten too strong, thus he feels dry inside, causing him to feel abnormally empty – a result of his inner thirst or hunger that has become dominant.

These kinds of desires are stemming from the fire of the nefesh habehaimis (the animalistic layer of the soul)when it gets out of hand, and they are not coming from the normal feeling of hunger or thirst. It is the soul inside demanding that its emptiness to be filled.

We so far have outlined the problems. Now we will go through the solutions. (First we will describe how to solve addictive desires that stem from earth-of-water-of-water-of-water, which is when a person drinks on a permanent basis, because he feels that drinking is a part of his life.)

1) The Increase of Alcohol In Our Times

The truth is that we all have a need to drink! We see from the Torah and from the words of Chazal that we all have times in which we must drink. On Yom Tov, we have a mitzvah to drink a reviis of wine; on Pesach, we drink the Four Cups, and on Purim, we have a mitzvah to drink until we are totally intoxicated. These are the specific times of the year in which we drink alcoholic beverages.

In previous generations, when our ancestors lived in the colder countries of the world - such as Europe - they were very accustomed to drinking [to warm their bodies]. Therefore, because they were accustomed to drinking, many of us carry on their minhag to drink, and this also includes eating certain kinds of meat and fish that they ate. There all kinds of minhagim like this.

But in our times, the situation of drinking has gotten out of hand. Anyone familiar with the situation today is well aware of how the minhag to drink has become so extreme and abused.

Much of the drinking these days, especially in the last couple of years, has gotten way overboard, and it has nothing to do with keeping the Halachah of drinking on Yom Tov or with the minhag of our ancestors to drink alcoholic beverages. Unfortunately, Simchas Torah today has become like ‘Purim’ to many young people. People are spending tons of money so they can be able to drink alcohol at night.

It has become ‘acceptable’ for people to sit and drink together, and this is not only taking place in Africa. It is taking place in the most Chareidi supermarkets. There are whole sections if the supermarket just for alcoholic beverages, and it is not being sold to people who need a reviis of wine for Shabbos. It is being sold to many people who simply drink for the sake of drinking. It is a very painful reality.

We can all recognize people whose entire Simchas Torah is about getting drunk, and it has nothing to with wanting to fulfill any mitzvah.

There is a kind of desire for drinking that stems from fire in the soul, in which a person seeks to drink because he is seized with a feeling of inner emptiness, but we aren’t discussing this right now; we will discuss it later. We are discussing a desire for drinking that does not come from feeling a temporary emptiness, but rather a desire for drinking in which a person desires to drink on a regular and permanent basis.

Drinking has become a staple in his life to this kind of person. Such addictive drinking stems from earth-of-water-of-water-of-water, because permanence is a nature of earth.

This is a particular problem that has become dominant in our current generation, in which many people are feeling empty all the time, and not just every once a while; people are feeling empty on a regular basis and are seeking to relieve this emptiness they keep feeling.

There are a few people who are really immersed in Torah and in holiness and with good middos, but sadly, most people, even in the Torah world, feel an ongoing inner emptiness in their life. There is therefore a very big pursuit of physical gratification in this generation, and a desire to drink on a regular basis.

When a person pursues the desire for drinking on a regular basis, the person is really disconnecting from himself. Some people are only drinking because they are influenced by their surroundings that are into drinking, but most people who drink are drinking because they keep feeling an inner emptiness in their life.

In the previous chapter, when we addressed addictions, we mentioned the solution of pulling away in steps from the addiction. But that solution won’t help so easily to stop addictive drinking.

The Solution: Building Our P’nimiyus (Inner Dimension)

The desire for drinking is affecting even people who keep Torah and mitzvos – that is, those whose Torah learning hasn’t yet penetrated into their being. Therefore, they feel an inner emptiness from their life.

The addiction to drinking can therefore be present even in a boy in Yeshiva who is smart and brilliant in his Torah learning, because he can still feel very empty inside himself from having any real inner content. His heart might be empty [from any internalized spirituality], even though his brain works very well and he knows how to learn Torah very well.

Let us point out that the desire for addictive drinking has come into the Torah world from the outside world; it did not originate from within the Torah world. It has now recently entered the Torah world, and it is a painful reality that will be here until Moshiach comes.

When a frum person who learns Torah and keeps mitzvos is addicted to drinking, the problem will not be solved by simply trying to slowly pull away from the desire in steps (as it was explained in the previous chapter). This is because it doesn’t solve the ongoing inner emptiness that he is feeling.

Since the source of the problem is the that person feels empty in his life, we will need to show him how he can build his pnimiyus (inner world), and then his emptiness will vanish, as a result of discovering a rich and inner spiritual world within himself.

Building our pnimiyus merits a vast discussion for itself, but to be general, it involves three things. (1) One needs to exert his mind in Torah (which he is probably already doing, and he should keep doing that), (2) One needs to be willing to really work on his middos, and (3) One needs to begin to start “putting his heart” into what he does.[2]

We will not delve into this now, as it will get us off-topic, but this is the basic outline of the solution: the permanence of his addictive desire for drinking will get countered by building an inner kind of ‘permanence’ in his life.

2) Drinking In Order To Get Drunk

Addictive drinking applies most commonly with drinking wine or beer, but it can apply as well to any kind of desire which causes a person to lose his da’as.

When a person is getting drunk because he wants to go limp from his da’as, his desire to drink is specifically so that he can get drunk, and not because he feels empty at life. This kind of person will get drunk because he gets influenced from people in his surroundings who drink.

There were Gedolim who would get very drunk on Purim, but even when they were totally intoxicated, they were amazingly able to retain their self-control. This was true in spite of the fact that they got to the point of losing their da’as.

We see from this that the less a person accessed his da’as before he got drunk, the less self-control he will have when he’s drunk and he has lost all his da’as. He will get ‘dragged’ totally after his desire as he is drunk. Indeed, most people are not like the Gedolim who have built their power of da’as to the point that they can retain their self-control even as they are drunk; only rare individuals are capable of this.

Influenced By Peer Pressure Vs. Wanting To Get Drunk

We are currently discussing desires which stem from “water” (of water-of-water). Unlike the previous kind of addictive drinking we discussed, which stems from earth\permanence, drinking intoxicating beverages on a regular basis is a desire that stems from the “water” aspect (in water-of-water). These are desires which are mainly caused by influence from the surroundings.

A person who drinks in this manner gets drunk only because he was around people who were drinking, and not because he planned on getting drunk. Before he knows it, he wakes up the next day and he doesn’t remember a thing. He didn’t drink out of an agenda to drink; he drank simply because he was influenced by his surroundings, and that is what is ‘dragged’ him into the drinking.

Using The Power of ‘Dragging’

Every person, in his soul, has a nature to get ‘dragged’ (in Hebrew, ‘giruy’, or ‘hisgarerus’). It is a power that can be used for either holiness or evil. When it used for holiness, a person is dragged after spirituality, and when it is used for evil, a person is dragged after his surroundings. We need to reveal its use for holiness, and this will counter us from getting dragged after things that are either unhealthy, inappropriate, or evil.

If a person is already pulled after holiness in his life, it shows that he has already revealed his power of getting ‘dragged’ after holiness. He can increase his holy activities and thus be protected from getting dragged after things he shouldn’t. But if a person does not recognize areas of his in which he is pulled towards holy activities, he will need to reveal the nature to get ‘dragged’, for holy purposes. He will need to give himself something that will drag him after holiness.

For example, when a person makes a siyum (completion) on a Maseches (tractate of Gemara), the minhag is that he immediately should start another maseches. The depth behind this is that as soon as you finish something holy, you should immediately continue to another goal that is holy. The idea is that you get you used to getting ‘dragged’ after holiness.

This is not a solution that is limited to learning Torah. It can be with giving tzedakah as well – as soon as you give tzedakah, give tzedakah again right after that. This is the depth behind the concept of “mitzvah goreres mitzvah”, that doing one mitzvah ‘drags’ you into doing another mitzvah. It reveals the holy kind of “dragging” in the soul, and thereby prevents your soul from getting dragged to inappropriate pleasures.

Solving Drinking In Order To Act Crazy

Now we will progress to the solution for addictive drinking that stems from wind (within water-of-water), which is when a person drinks alcohol that is extremely high in its amount of alcohol. The person does this because he anticipates the high amount of crazy movements that he will be able to perform as he’s drunk.

He lacks a revealed amount of da’as in his life, thus, he is seeking actions that are lacking in their purpose. He simply wants to act silly, so he gets drunk for that specific agenda. This can happen either from a desire for extreme drinking, or from drinking beverages that are very high in their alcohol content.

On a more extreme level of this problem, there are those who, rachmana litzlan, who will get very drunk just so they can be able to act crazy in front of others, and they are apt to fall to the lowest kinds of behaviors as they are drunk and as they are “performing” for others. They bring down others’ spiritual level with them as they do this, pulling down others with into depraved behavior that is of the “50^th gate of impurity”

The root behind this person’s issues is that he is seeking to do actions that have no purpose to them, because he lacks a general sense of purpose to his life. The solution for this kind of person, then, is to think about what the goal of life is.

His problem is that he lives life without a sense of purpose, thus, if we can get him to think about the purpose of life more often - which is the fact that we are supposed to become closer to Hashem[3] - he will in turn be able to lessen his desire to perform crazy moves that are meaningless. His life will then gain more meaning, and that will in turn cause him to recognize that there is no point in engaging in actions that have no purpose to them.

Drinking That Stems From Emptiness

The next kind of addictive drinking we will discuss stems from fire within water-of-water. This is when a person drinks when he feels times of emptiness in his life; for example, when he is alone in his house and he suddenly feels an inner emptiness in his life, and he wants to relieve the emptiness. He feels unaccomplished in his life and thus wishes to relieve the emptiness he is currently feeling, by drinking a little.

Such drinking is not being done out of taavah\desire, but simply to relieve his emptiness. This kind of desire can come to any person who feels empty sometimes.

This is unlike the first scenario we discussed, which is when a person engages in addictive drinking on a regular basis; these are desires for drinking that stem from earth (of-water-water-of-water). This kind of person feels empty on an ongoing basis. Now we are discussing drinking desires that stem from fire (of water-of-water-of-water), which are different than this: these desires that come very suddenly to a person – the person feels empty right now, and he wants to fill his emptiness.

All of us, to a certain extent, can identify with this. We can all feel times in which we feel empty inside. Even a person who has a regular schedule every day in which he learns Torah might still feel empty sometimes, and this can happen when he is alone in his house. He will feel a need to relieve the emptiness, so he might wish to drink a little alcohol and relieve his pain. This is not being done out of desire. It is coming from a wish to relieve the internal pain that a person is feeling.

When a person feels inner emptiness and he feels like he wants to relieve it, and he is a bit aware of it (many people are not aware of it as it is taking place, and they only become aware of it after they engage in some desire to relieve it), he can counter his inner emptiness with the following reflection.

The Solution

1) Identifying. He should clarify to himself that his desire to drink is not coming from desire, but rather from an inner emptiness he is feeling.

2) Positive Thoughts. Then, he should think about something positive in his life. He should ask himself what he has accomplished so far in his life, and this will make him feel a bit satisfied from his life, which will weaken his feeling of emptiness.

Even if this doesn’t make him totally satisfied inside, to a certain extent it can still weaken the emptiness that he is feeling.

Being Able To Think Positive

However, this can only work for someone who regularly is used to being “someiach b’chelko” (happy towards himself). When someone isn’t used to dwelling on his point of “someiach b’chelko”, he instead spends all his time thinking about what else he needs to accomplish, or about what he’s missing in his life.

If someone is used to being “someiach b’chelko”, though, he is already used to thinking about his accomplishments, and when he feels sad, he is able to remind himself of those accomplishments, because he has already familiarized himself with this kind of positive thinking towards himself.

In order to implement the solution of reminding yourself of your accomplishments, you have to already dwell on your positive aspects about life already beforehand on a regular basis, and then you will be able to summon thoughts again when you’re down. Without already being used to the concept of someiach b’chelko, then you just “know” about your good qualities and accomplishments, and it won’t be enough to help you when you feel down.

Therefore, when you feel empty sometimes, it won’t help if you reflect on the mere fact that you are a Jew and to try to feel happy at this, nor will it help you to remind yourself of your ‘maalos’ (positive qualities). It is about getting used to being happy about that which you have already accomplished in your life. Your soul is then already used to dwelling on your accomplishments, which will in turn helps you deal with times in which you feel empty.

Without getting used to this kind of thinking beforehand, a person merely “knows” about what to be happy about in the back of his mind, but it doesn’t affect him. The nefesh habehaimis (animalistic layer of the soul) in a person gains nothing from just “knowing” about the fact that you are a Jew or that you have certain maalos, and when your soul feels empty sometimes, it might seek alcohol to relieve the emptiness. It won’t help then to try and focus on positive thoughts.

Thus, reflection on your positive attributes (the fact that you are a Jew, or the fact that you have special qualities, or the fact that you have certain accomplishments thus far) won’t help you when you feel empty, if you haven’t gotten used to thinking about those positive thoughts on a more regular basis.

Giving Drinking Some Outlet

The issue is, though, that when a person is feeling empty, he isn’t able to think calmly about his positive attributes. And if he doesn’t have accomplishments that he can think of, what then can he do to alleviate himself?

For such a person, it is recommended for a person to give in to a little bit of the desire for the drink, so that he can pacify his nefesh habehaimis (‘animal’ layer of the soul). This calms down the nefesh habehaimis a bit, and now you are free to think calmly.

After you take a little of the drink, now is the time to reflect about positive thoughts, which will remind you of what you have to be ‘someiach b’chelko’ about, and this will cure your feeling of emptiness.  

The mechanics behind this solution [of taking a little sip from the drink and then thinking positively towards yourself] is because when the nefesh habeheimis in oneself isn’t calmed, it is hard for a person to think calmly. If you calm it a bit, by letting it have some of the desire for the drink, you will be able to reflect calmly on your point of ‘someiach b’chelko’, which calms the feeling of emptiness that your nefesh habehaimis is feeling.

Understandably, there are also additional solutions to cure emptiness that exist, such as getting up to walk fast or to move around quickly. These are also methods that can be helpful, but beyond the current scope of this discussion; we can’t cover it all here.

In Summary

To summarize, in this chapter, we have described the four kinds of desires for addictive drinking and how to solve them: (1) Drinking on a regular basis[4], (2) Drinking to get drunk, due to influence of surroundings;[5] (3) Drinking in order to act crazy[6]; (4) Drinking in order to relieve one’s inner emptiness.[7]