Inner Redemption Series - 01 Introduction To Personal Redemption

Public and Personal Redemption[1]

With the help of Hashem, we are beginning a new series. We will study how we can personally redeem our own souls, which is possible for each and every person. Let us first beseech HaKadosh Baruch Hu that this series should be of benefit to all of us, and that we should merit to grow together.

Our Sages have taught that just as there is a general redemption that will come to the masses, which we await for every day, so also  an individual can experience redemption on a private level, in the soul.[2]

We daven every day for the general redemption and the coming of Moshiach, in the blessing in Shemoneh Esrei of את צמח דוד, and we daven every day for a personal redemption, in the blessing in Shemoneh Esrei of גאל אותנו,“Redeem us”. The commentaries on the Siddur explain that the words גאל אותנו (“Redeem us”) is referring to a private geulah (redemption) in one’s own soul.

Thus, every day, we daven both for a general redemption and a personal redemption. In order to embark on our own private redemption, we must first learn about what personal exile is, on a conceptual level, so that we can know what leaving it is. We know what the general exile is - there are the exiles of Mitzrayim (Egypt), Bavel (Babylonia), Madai-Peras (Media-Persia), Yishmael (the Arab exile)[3], and Esav [Edom/Rome/Western society].

But what is the exile of the soul?  Let us try to understand what it is, so that we can then know what a personal redemption is.

Two Kinds of Personal Exile

There are two kinds of exiles in the soul.

One exile of the soul is that it has been placed into the body. The soul comes from Heaven, from a spiritual source, and it is confined in this world in a physical body. It is therefore exiled in the body. The soul leaves this exile when it leaves the body, at death, where it returns to its source in Heaven.

A second exile of the soul, within the first exile, is when a person is not living life in the right way. When a person lives incorrectly, he is living in an exile within another exile.

Here we will deal mainly with how we can come out of the second kind of exile in the soul: when a person is not living in the right way.

1- Actions In Exile: Doing Things That Are Not “You”

Every person performs certain actions, feels certain emotions, says certain words, thinks about certain thoughts, and wants certain desires. If one does actions that are in sync with who he is, if he talks in a way that is “him” - if his feelings and thoughts and desires are his own - then his soul is in a state of personal redemption. By contrast, if his actions, emotions, speech, thoughts and desires are not true to who he is, his soul is in a personal exile.

In Egypt, there was avodas perach, “cruel labor”, where the men were given women’s labor, and the women were given men’s labor. They were doing actions that were not suitable for them, and this was the personification of the exile of Egypt. The same is true for the personal exile of our souls. If a person performs actions that are in line with who he is, his soul’s potential is actualized; but if he is doing things that are not “who he is”, his soul is confined in a prison-like state in the body. It is exile to the soul.

Therefore [in order to leave this stage of personal exile], one needs to make sure he is doing actions that are in sync with his true character, and to avoid actions that are not true to who he is. Here are some important examples that can help us understand this concept.

Part of the curse given to Adam, and all of mankind after him, was “In the sweat of your brow, you shall eat bread”.[4] There is a curse upon man that he must work to make a living. The Chovos HaLevovos says that a person must choose to work in a job that will be aligned with his true character. Although work is a curse for man, man must still choose to work in a job which suits his personal character, according to his own unique nature. If he chooses to work at a job that does not suit his character, not only is he enduring the curse of work placed upon mankind, but he is also in a personal exile, because he is doing things that are not “him”.

In summary, the first part of personal exile pertains to the area of action in our lives. Therefore, when one realizes what kind of work is suitable to his character, and he refrains from doing things that are not suitable for him, he is leaving the soul’s exile with regards to the realm of “action”.

Although the concepts here may still seem obscure and unclear to us at this point, let’s continue to the next step, with siyata d’shmaya, Keep in mind that this introductory chapter briefly outlines the basic structure which we will explain more clearly in the coming classes, with Hashem’s help.

2- Emotions In Exile: When Your Feelings Are Not Your Own

Let’s now continue to explain briefly the second part of personal exile and its redemption: with regards to our world of emotion.

This has special applications to the time now, with Rosh HaShanah soon approaching, since on Rosh HaShanah, our feelings are more activated.

There are two kinds of feelings: One kind of awareness to our feelings is when we learn to become aware of the stimuli coming into us from the outside. What we have read, heard, learned, [or seen] all tell us how we are supposed to feel, and then we can try to feel [this information]. There is also another kind of feeling: to feel from within from your inside, which is uniquely yours. These are feelings that are for “you” to feel, uniquely tailored to your own personal soul. For example, you can have your own personal feelings, from within yourself, of how you approach Rosh HaShanah.

2a) Two Approaches Towards Rosh HaShanah: Feelings of Fear, Or Feelings of Closeness

There two different fundamental approaches, of how to feel about Rosh HaShanah.[5]

The approach of the baalei mussar towards Rosh HaShanah is that it is a time of yirah (awe, fear, or dread). On Rosh HaShanah, there is judgment over all of mankind. We recite the prayer of U’Nesaneh Tokef, which describes the great, awesome fear of this judgment.

The approach of Chassidus towards Rosh HaShanah, however, is to view it as a time of closeness to Hashem, a time of exaltedness, and revelation, of Hashem’s Presence. So there are two different ways to feel about Rosh HaShanah – it is a time of yirah (fear and trepidation), or it is a time of ahavah (love and closeness).

On a personal level, one should sit with himself and reflect: How do I feel about Rosh HaShanah? Which is the way that is more appropriate for me, personally – to view Rosh HaShanah with yirah, or with ahavah? Of course, we need to approach it with both yirah/fear and ahavah/love.[6] But what is the main feeling you need to have about it? That is the area which applies to you, personally.

A person may have grown up in a certain kind of atmosphere or surroundings, or he may have heard, that Rosh HaShanah is a time of yirah. But in reality, it could be that he personally needs to the approach of ahavah towards Rosh HaShanah. Or, vice versa: he may have grown up with a different attitude (or he may have heard) that Rosh HaShanah is a time of ahavah; but it may actually be the approach of yirah that he mainly needs.

If he really needs the approach of ahavah towards Rosh HaShanah, whether it’s because this is his soul root,[7] or whether it’s because this is his current personal spiritual level,[8] and instead he approaches it with yirah, because that’s how he grew up, or because that’s what he heard about it - then he has trained himself to mainly feel yirah towards Rosh HaShanah, when in reality, he really needs to approach it with mainly ahavah. His feelings are in a personal exile, when it comes Rosh HaShanah, because he is not feeling his own, personal feelings.

And the same is true for the opposite case: if someone’s main feeling towards Rosh HaShanah is really yirah, but he was always told to approach it with ahavah, or he read about Rosh HaShanah that it is a time of ahavah, and yirah was never the focus – he has been training himself to mainly feel ahavah towards Rosh HaShanah, when in reality, it is yirah which is supposed to be his main feeling towards it. This is also a personal “exile” to his soul’s feelings.

Therefore, Rosh HaShanah might either be a redemption to one’s soul, or it might be the opposite of this, chas v’shalom. The Gemara says that Yosef got out of jail on Rosh HaShanah.[9] For Yosef, Rosh HaShanah was a time of redemption. But a person on Rosh HaShanah might just be in a prisonlike state inside himself, if he is not feeling his true feelings about Rosh HaShanah. But he can also merit, with siyata d’shmaya, a resemblance of what is was like for Yosef to leave prison on Rosh HaShanah.[10]

When one mainly has the feelings towards Rosh HaShanah which are appropriate for his own soul root (shoresh haneshamah) and which are aligned with his personal spiritual level (madreigah), he can reach a redemption of the soul on Rosh HaShanah [with regards to his soul’s feelings].

Let’s continue now to the next step, with siyata d’shmaya. We will once again emphasize that all of this is just an introduction of what is to come, and later we will try to go through each of these stages again and explain them in more detail.

3- Speech In Exile: When You Aren’t Speaking From Within Yourself

Our speech is a vast area to understand. A very large part of our day is spent on utilizing our speech.

Upon reflection, we can discover that are generally three kinds of speech:

1) Speaking about what’s necessary to take care of;

2) Speaking about current topics that society likes to discuss, and;

3) Speaking from one’s own essence.

The third kind of speech, speaking from one’s essence, is described in the many Mishnayos in Pirkei Avos, which begin with “Hu Hayah Omer”, “He would say”…The words came from the very essence of the sage. He would speak from words that came from within him. Similarly, it is written, “My soul leaves, when I speak with him” (Shir Hashirim 5:6), which refers to a person who speaks words that are coming from his true essence.

Concerning the first kind of speech – speaking about what’s necessary to take care of – our Sages said that we have no choice but to speak about what we need to care of. So we cannot avoid this kind of speech. As for speaking about what society is talking about, sometimes this is also necessary, so that we can have what to discuss with others and be respectful towards others who want to speak with us. This is fine, as long as it does not contain any words that are in the category of forbidden speech, such as lashon hora, rechilus, etc.

But the main kind of speech we need to be utilizing is the third kind of speech mentioned: to speak from our own essence. Our words should be coming from our true self, from who we are, from our own thoughts, from our own personality. If we speak in such a way, then our soul’s speech is in a state of redemption.

If we reflect deeply about the kind of speech that takes place in our world, we can see that most speech is either about taking care of things, or about what society is discussing. A very little amount of speech in the world is coming from a person’s true self. Therefore, in almost all people, their soul’s speech is in exile.

4 – Thoughts In Exile: When Your Thoughts Are Not Your Own

Now that we have discussed the area of speech, let us continue with siyata d’shmaya to the next stage, which is the area of thought. As mentioned before, we are only briefly describing the roots of these concepts, and their details will be explained later, G-d willing.

A person is always thinking. There are many thoughts taking place in one’s mind, an infinite amount. What is the root of all these many thoughts? Where are these many thoughts coming from?

To give a general description, there are two kinds of thoughts – inner thoughts, and outer thoughts. There are thoughts that come into us from the outside, and there are thoughts which come from inside us. Most of the thoughts we are thinking about are coming from the outside. For example, we see something, and then we think about it. We hear something, and then we think about it. Most thoughts are a result of something we have physically sensed. We sense something, the brain receives information, and then slowly our brain thinks about it, more and more. Or, the brain will think about a physical act that we need to take care of and do.

Therefore, most thinking revolves around outside stimuli. These are called “outer” thoughts, because these thoughts are based on information coming from the outside of a person.

There is a completely different kind of thought, in contrast to the above – a person can think about something from within himself. Most people, are heavily involved with the physical world, which makes us think more about outside stimuli, giving us less of a chance to think from within. Many people therefore do not know of the thoughts that come from their inner essence, which is the neshamah. However, it is an existing area of thought, in which a person can think about things from his very essence.

4a) Thinking Originally About Matters of Hashkafah (Torah Ideals)

Even more so, besides for this general ability to think from the inside, there is also a deeper use of this power: to have our own beliefs and opinions, concerning our worldview on important matters. This refers to what is called “hilchos de’os” (the “laws” of Jewish beliefs), or “hashkafah” (Jewish ideology).

Every person has certain ways of thinking, concerning matters of religion, faith, beliefs, and worldview, of how one should behave and live. This is not about halachah (external observance of laws of the Torah), but about the inner perspectives in the Jewish religion, which is called “hilchos de’os”, or “hashkafah”.

Our hilchos de’os, our hashkafah, must first come from the knowledge that we have received from our [religious, G-d fearing] parents and teachers. But as a person becomes a more internal kind of person, these hilchos de’os and hashkafos are transformed into a part of his being. This refers specifically to the development of our pure neshamah, and not, chas v’shalom, from the erroneous beliefs contained in the “foreskin of the heart” which is our yetzer hara (evil inclination). Our true beliefs about life stem from the depths of our neshamah. That is where we can find our true, deep, and unique beliefs, thoughts, and ideals.

In most people, their thoughts, beliefs, and ideals are not their own. Rather, they have learned these thoughts and beliefs from their outside surroundings. These thoughts are not who they really are!

Only very great people merit thoughts that come from their inner essence. Some people do have original thinking, but it usually stems from conceitedness (gaavah) [from a belief that one thinks he is the smartest and that he knows best], etc. But in order for a person to reach a complete redemption of the soul, he must reach an original kind thinking concerning his ideals and beliefs, which are tailored to his own soul [in a non-conceited way].

Although this is a high level to reach, we are first describing it, so that we have an understanding of it, with siyata d’shmaya.

5 - The Will In Exile: When You Only Want What Others Want

Let us now describe the next step of personal redemption, which is to redeem the ratzon (will) of the soul. As with the previous steps, we will only give a brief description of it, and later we will explain it more, with the help of Hashem.

We all have many retzonos (desires). What causes us to want certain things, as opposed to other things that we don’t want? When we want something, we strive to attain what we want. But what causes us to want certain things in the first place?

Most of a person’s desires are based on what others want. If others want something, a person may be influenced to also want it. A person is influenced by his peers to want certain things, and he may convince himself that he really wants those things, but in truth, those things are not what he truly desires. Those desires come from his yetzer hara (evil inclination).

The Gemara says that one of the names of the yetzer hara is called “Tzefuni”, “hidden one”, for it hides in the heart of a person.[11] The word “yetzer” (inclination, which usually refers to the evil inclination) is from the word ratzon (will) – another hint that the yetzer hara is often the cause of a person’s retzonos. Therefore, many retzonos of a person are not coming from his true self, but from his yetzer hara. The yetzer hara causes a person to imagine and fool himself that he really wants certain things.

In contrast to this, there are desires in a person which come from a deeper source – from the ratzon of his neshamah. These desires can eventually influence a person to act upon them in the physical world. These desires are referred to as “Retzonenu La’asos Retzoncha”, “It is our will to do Your will”, and also as “We only have one heart, to our Father in Heaven.” The desire to do Hashem’s will is the true desire of a person, which comes from his neshamah. All other desires stem from the personal “exile” of the soul.

The area of retzonos (desires) is vast. The Nefesh HaChaim explained that ever since Adam ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Eitz HaDaas Tov V’Ra), the yetzer hara entered into the soul, and it has mainly be controlling him ever since – particularly, in the area of the person’s desires. It makes a person think that these outer desires are really what he wants.

Thus, since the ratzon/will is the main controlling force in man, the area of ratzon is the main part of the soul that is in exile. The will is the motivating factor and the moving force that is behind all of a person’s thoughts, speech, emotions, and actions. When the will of a person is not his own, his soul is almost entirely and for the most part in a personal exile.

The Ultimate Redemption of the Soul: Redeeming The Will

Therefore, the depth of redeeming the soul is largely to redeem the soul’s inner will from its exile. The main part of the soul’s exile is due to the fact that the area of the ratzon/will is in an exile, and therefore, redeeming the ratzon/will from the desires of the yetzer hara is the root of redeeming the soul from its personal soul.

The Ramchal writes that if one merits redeeming his own will, then he merits a “personal coming of Moshiach” in his own soul. There is the general coming of Moshiach which we pray for every day, who will come to the masses; and there is a private coming of Moshiach, which one can reach in his own soul.

Just like the general coming of Moshiach will mean the general redemption, so is a personal coming of Moshiach the meaning of a personal, private redemption in the soul.

One who frees himself from the desires of the yetzer hara and who reveals his inner will, which is the will to do only Hashem’s will (as written in the verse, לעשות רצונך חפצתי, “To do Your will, I desired”), merits a personal coming of Moshiach in his own soul. This level is the goal of all that we will be describing in the coming chapters, with siyata d’shmaya.

In Conclusion

We have merited here, with siyata d’shmaya, to open this discussion, which is but a general introduction. It described the map of the general areas of the soul, which [from lowest to highest] are: action, feeling, speech, thought, and will. We described how each of these areas in the soul is exiled, and the understanding of how departing from each of these personal exiles is the root of one’s own personal redemption.

***

QUESTIONS & ANSWERS WITH THE RAV

Q1: Regarding what the Rav has said at the end, is this redemption of the soul through the “garments” of the soul?

A: When the garments of the soul become rectified, the soul’s potential is able to be actualized from its dormant state, and when it reaches this actualization, it is freed from all of the desires of the evil inclination, and this is the redemption of the soul. When the garments of the soul do not become rectified, the soul is blocked from actualization, and this itself turns the garments of the soul into an exile for the soul. But when the garments of the soul become rectified, the soul is then allowed to shine its light…. The light of the neshamah receives its light from the light of the Torah, which receives its light from the light of Hashem.

Q2: How can a person know if he should approach Rosh HaShanah mainly with feelings of yirah (as taught by the baalei mussar), or if he should approach Rosh HaShanah mainly with feelings of ahavah/love (as explained in Chassidus)?

A: This is a fundamental question about all ofa person’s avodah. It depends on one’s shoresh (soul root) and one’s madreigah (personal spiritual level). This question does only affect Rosh HaShanah, if he should approach it with ahavah or yirah; it is a general question about all of one’s avodah. The more one better recognizes his own soul, he will know which emotion is mainly his personality, and when Rosh HaShanah approaches, he will better recognize if his main approach should be yirah or ahavah. As mentioned earlier, this is either a result of better recognizing one’s shoresh (soul root), or recognizing one’s current madreigah (personal spiritual level) that he is on, in his current situation. So this is a question about a person’s entire avodah, not only a question about how to feel about Rosh Hashanah. It is a question of how a person should live his entire life.[12]

Q3: Does this (how a person should approach his entire life) include the integration of yirah and ahavah, as opposed to mainly choosing yirah or mainly choosing ahavah…?

A: There is always a need to integrate yirah and ahavah together, but each person is mainly drawn towards one of these root emotions. In some people, ahavah is their root emotion, as opposed to yirah; in others, yirah is the root emotion, and not ahavah. It is never balanced equally in each person. Rather, some people are mainly rooted in ahavah, and others are mainly rooted in yirah.

If a person is drawn towards ahavah as opposed to yirah, this may either come from the inner truth in his soul, or, it may be because he is fooling himself, because he would rather skip the stage of yirah. The same can be true vice versa: A person may feel drawn towards yirah either because this is where the truth in his soul is drawing him towards, or it may just be because he is fooling himself, because he prefers yirah over ahavah – for example, if he is easily stressed, nervous, and anxious,[13] he may be easily drawn towards yirah, but not because this is his actual soul root. This concept requires individual guidance and it cannot be addressed in a general forum.

Q4: Should a person mainly do what is difficult for him to do, or should a person mainly do things that better suit his personality?

A: Excellent question. Generally speaking, in the beginning stages of a person’s improvement, he must make sure that he is doing whatever he is obligated and responsible to do, and that is clear. When it comes to doing things that he is not obligated to do, he should mainly do things that suit his personality. One should also try to do at least one thing that doesn’t suit his personality, which is difficult for him to do, and to force himself to do it.

So, generally speaking, a person needs to do mainly what suits his personality [besides for his obligations and responsibilities in life, which he must do anyhow], along with doing at least one thing that is hard for him to do, so that he is balanced. Often a person thinks that a certain undertaking is suitable for his personality to do, when it is really not, because he has never learned how to go against his own personality, and therefore he has never left his comfort zone. But if a person forces himself to do at least one thing that is hard for him to, he has trained himself to leave his comfort zone sometimes, and this will slowly show him what his true personality is and what he should mainly pursue. In fact, the very idea of forcing yourself to do something that doesn’t suit your character is what lies at the core of nullifying yourself to do Hashem’s will.

Q5: Is there a way for a person to know where his feelings are coming from - if they are coming from his “exiled” feelings that aren’t his, or if they are coming from “redeemed” feelings, which are his own?

A: Generally, if a person has not done inner work on himself, the quality of his feelings will be superficial and external. Generally speaking, a person must first identify his strongest positive emotion, and mainly work on strengthening this positive emotion. Along with this, one should also try to identify his most negative emotion and then gradually try to weaken it. As his most negative emotion weakens, he will become clearer about what his true feelings are, and he will also become clearer about his soul in general.

As long as one has not weakened his most negative emotion, the negative emotion will obscure him from clarity about his own soul, and it will prevent him from awareness of his own feelings and he won’t be able to identify where his feelings are coming from. But when one persists with strengthening his most positive emotion, this gradually weakens the most negative emotion, which allows for clarity of the soul. This is a general description. For a greater understanding, you may refer to the sefer“Getting To Know Your Feelings” (דע את הרגשותיך).

Q6:Should one begin to work on his emotions by strengthening his most positive emotion, or by weakening his most negative emotion?

A: One must also try to weaken his most negative emotion, along with trying to strengthen his most positive emotion. But it is not recommended at all to only work on weakening the worst emotion, without trying to develop the most positive emotion.

There are some people who have a hard time weakening their worst emotion and therefore they only work with strengthening their most positive emotion, and they do not work on their most negative emotion at all, and they may do so, if they find this effective. But if a person only works on trying to weaken his worst emotion, without trying to strengthen his most positive emotion, this will not work at all.

Q7: When I begin to identify where my feelings are coming from, I feel fear, either because I am afraid of change, a fear of changing, or because I am afraid of how others will react to me if I would begin to change. How can I deal with this fear?

A: Instead of thinking that you will have to make big changes, think that you will only be making small changes, and try to make small changes only. You can only be afraid of change when it is big change. Big change feels scary to the soul. So instead, think that you will only be making small changes. Change is like water dripping on a rock; the rock only withers after many drops of water on it. It happens slowly and in very small amounts, not in one shot. When you have this attitude towards change, then there is no reason to fear change.

Usually, when you think about change, you wonder how you will get all the way to the end, and you become overwhelmed, because you see how much change you will have to undergo, in order to arrive at the goal. Instead, think that you will be taking small steps and that you are only going to get there slowly and over time.

Q8: Is there a way to get a child to want the true will of the soul (the desire to do Hashem’s will) and to act in a more mature way?

A: A child contains two parts. One part of a child is that his/her yetzer hara dominates, for it is written, “The inclination of man is evil from his youth.”[14] The Sages use an expression, “Like a child running away from school”. There are many other such statements in our Sages which describe the natural immaturity and rebelliousness of children. Children do not have daas (mature understanding), and they are easily overcome by a ruach shtus (spirit of folly). On the other hand, the Sages state that the world stands on the merit of the “frivolous chatter” of children – since they are pure from sin, their Torah learning is purer.

A child contains contradictory aspects. On one hand, a child is pure and innocent. This is the quality of temimus (earnestness). On the other hand, children lack daas, which hampers their ability of self-control. Therefore, the natural evil inclination of man is more dominant in children, because it is unfettered. But because they haven’t yet sinned, they resemble the level of Adam before the sin, which was the level of the Eitz HaChaim. The inner essence of a child is close to the level of the Eitz HaChaim, but in their external behavior, they do not have that much control over their evil inclination, and that is why they are usually more rebellious by nature. This is a very complex matter.

May you all be written and sealed for a good year, and may all of us merit the general redemption, as well as a personal redemption, speedily. Kesivah v’chasima tovah, l’kulam.